Yet another Holy Week with the celebration of Easter Sunday has gone by. Holy Week has never been the same for me after some members of my family, friends and I came for a PASSOVER retreat in Divine in 1999. I remember weeping nonstop throughout the Good Friday service and finishing the tissue packs of two of my friends who were on either side of me. It was an overwhelming personal spiritual experience - the movie "Passion of Christ" had a lesser impact than what I "saw and felt" during the Stations of the Cross - being there while Jesus was scourged, tortured, being jeered at, stoned, beaten while on His walk to Calvary and finally crucified - because of all our sins. Because of my sins!!! I did not have to think of others' sins because even if it was to save one soul for His Father - mine - Jesus would have still done it!
Yet, no matter how profound Easter 1999 was for me, and I realized Jesus dying for me so that I could gain Eternal Life in Heaven, the radical changes I needed to make in how I lived my life did not happen on a permanent basis then. There were definitely changes - I wanted to live for Christ but somehow it was more of thinking-level in my mind than from deep within my heart. Why? Because I had yet to really know God's Word to us - the Bible.
It is only since Holy Week 2007, the whole Passion of Our Lord, created a huge internal upheaval in my heart. I was home with my dad who was then in his last few months of his life. My father was too ill to go for the Good Friday service. In fact, the day before, he had for the very first time requested to have the Last Rites by our priest to be given to him. I had been ensuring he received the Anointing of the Sick every six months since 2000. It was Maundy Thursday and I was in Singapore getting some needed medical supplies for my dad and was rushing to get back to my hometown. When I got my Mum's call, I realized without a doubt - this was my last Easter with my father who I loved with all my heart. He had sacrificed everything in his life for our family. Three priests came to anoint my father upon his request!
On Good Friday, I stayed back with my dad at home while my youngest sister (who had also flown back) took my Mum and eldest sister and nephew to church for the Stations of the Cross. As I sat by my dad's bed, I asked him if he wanted me to pray the Stations of the Cross. He immediately answered softly and weakly, "Yes!" because despite his frail condition, he had wanted to go to church and was very disappointed when we explained it was too long a service on such a hot and humid afternoon. As we prayed, where he slowly repeated the prayers with me, I was weeping in my heart because the Way of the Cross of Jesus suddenly seemed like these last few months of my father's life - one of suffering and pain - and yet I could not personally take any of my father's pain away. I imagined God seeing His only Son, Jesus, being tortured beyond human limits and letting it happen - so my father will have Eternal Life as would you and me! Good Friday became so tangibly real when I could not bear to see my once healthy and active father now being in pain and suffering silently. Yet, my dad never showed any anger or frustration. As I prayed with him, I realized that all this while, Jesus still seemed separated from me unlike my dad who was so real - so I felt his pain and suffering so much.
It was indeed my last Easter with my father - in fact Easter Sunday 2007 was also on 08 April like this year. We had to rush my dad to hospital by ambulance on Easter Sunday night when he developed breathing difficulties but he pulled through. Thus, this Holy Week brought back many memories for me because of so many changes in my life since then...of my dad's great love for me AND of Jesus' GREATEST LOVE for me! It was through my daily meditation of the Bible that God has since led me into a closer and deeper relationship with Him. God was no longer an abstract entity!
It is in losing my father's physical presence in my life that made me realize how much Jesus' Love brought me Comfort and Peace in knowing my father had run his best in his race of faith on earth. His prize is surely a place in Heaven with Our Lord! I guess as children, we never outgrow in that confidence of our parents' love no matter how old we are! Our parents are pillars of great support, encouragement and love...a "constant" we somehow expect to have our entire lifetime.
Yet only Jesus can give us that unfailing assurance as per his Promise upon His Resurrection - "And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age." (Matthew 28:20) How amazing is the depth of our Eternal Father's Love for us - of asking His only Son, Jesus, to shed EVERY drop of His Blood for me, for you, and for the entire world to save us. What is also difficult is trying to comprehend the complete humility in Jesus to ONLY do His Father's Will and not His Own even if we still do not care or deeply experience how incredible His sacrifice was! How many Easters have come and gone where I have tried to be conscious to be a "good Christian" just during Lenten Season and then reverting to my normal way of life. There was no deep permanent change in me. Talk about compartmentalizing my life - doing good for about 40-odd days out of the 365 days of each year until 2008!
This Easter as our Director, Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C., was preaching the Easter Vigil homily, I began to ponder on Fr. Augustine's call for us to be an "EASTER PEOPLE". Suddenly the thought came to me - What does it mean to be an "EASTER PEOPLE?" After the Vigil Mass and Easter fellowship, I went back to my office and sat in silence reading the 4 Gospels of when Jesus appeared to Mary Magdala and His disciples and it finally became crystal clear to me how we live as "EASTER PEOPLE" based on Jesus' own words. It is Jesus' Mission to each one of us...
"Peace be with you." - (Matthew 28:9) - Jesus first words' to Mary Madgala upon His Resurrection.
"Peace be with you" (John 20:19,21) - Jesus first words to the disciples upon His Resurrection.
It is then Jesus gave His GREAT COMMISSION to the disciples and to every one of us who are Christians:
"Go throughout the whole world and preach the gospel to all mankind." (Mark 16:15)
Each of the gospels make it very clear what is every Christian's mission - so that we live as God's EASTER PEOPLE. How ignorant I have been to the real message of Easter all these years!
In a very personal way, this Easter Sunday (08 April), Jesus gave me clarity of His Call for me when I least expected it - a day I will now remember with heartfelt gratitude to God instead of just poignant memories of these past 5 years...of my last week with my dad before I returned to India.
Below is a YouTube pictorial video - MEMORIES OF HOLY WEEK 2011 IN DIVINE - one of the most special retreat week, PASSOVER RETREAT, in Divine Retreat Centre, set to the hymn "NOTHING BUT YOUR BLOOD" by Matt Redman. My hope is that each of you will one day come and share a memorable Holy Week with us here in Divine!
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