SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS...

Christmas is just a few days away...I have not really got into the Christmas joyful mood just yet as it has been a really busy period of just trying to finish work before the Christmas Vigil Mass.

But at this moment, I decided to put aside all the work for my heart and mind to have a few silent moments to ponder over what Christmas this year means to me. It is my 9th consecutive Christmas away from loved ones back home. It is a very long time to be away from the love and joy of the Christmas tradition that I grew up with. More than any time of the year, Christmas  is a season I have always absolutely loved as it meant being together with family and great friends - celebrating the Christmas Vigil Mass,  to share hugs and kisses, good food, great cheer, presents and just feeling all the "love" that is in the air! 

So what is Christmas? Some friends have asked me before how I could give up all that I am used to especially during Christmas. I have often asked myself that very same question. The answer is best expressed by the beautiful Christmas song  in the YouTube Music video above - "THIS IS CHRISTMAS" by KUTLESS.

Christmas is all about Christ.  There is much to do to share and celebrate the Christmas joy with Divine's Family - here, across India and all over the world. It is a time to remember in a very special way the love and support of so many hardworking and generous people who remember our Divine mission's urgent charitable and evangelization needs - and they quietly and lovingly are our financial and spiritual partners  to proclaim the Good News everyday - not just in words but by their loving generosity. 

Being a part of the Divine mission, we all try, with God's grace, to make Christmas a very special and holy celebration of Joy - a Divine Christmas is always all about Christ! So it is not that I love my friends and family less - it is about helping to bring Christ's message of Love and Joy to our Divine Family of 3000 members who include the residents of all our charitable homes and the VC priests and fulltime volunteers and to ALL our Divine Family members across the world. 

Every year we visit many of the Divine Homes during Christmas and there is such expectant joy from everyone - the 300 orphan children of our De Paul Home for Boys and Samaritan Home for Girls, the De Paul school, the 600 mentally ill patients of Divine Care Centre , the 100 elderly women in Mari Santhi Bhavan , and the 100 residents of St. Vincent's AIDS Home. Just seeing that few moments of joy and laughter on their faces makes the sacrifice of being away from my loved ones worth it. We are all blessed with love and the security of enjoying Christmas as we wish. But for our less advantaged Divine Family members, it our own little actions here that can bring a special  little extra festive joy to their lives. For me, it is a little act of love - of bringing Christ to them. There are also people from all over India and overseas who come to spend Christmas with Jesus attending a Divine retreat. Every Christmas here is always a special holy, joyful and spiritual experience! The Christmas Vigil Mass always fills me with such hope and joy for the future. That is the true message of Jesus - He is our Lord of Love, Hope, Joy & Peace - He is not about fear and retribution.

Friends of Divine Singapore

Just last week, I had a group of friends from Singapore who were here for the Advent retreat. As we visited the Homes,  the joy they brought to the children and the residents of the other Homes was so heart-touching. The kids loved their wonderful rendition of one of my favourite songs - "This Little Light of Mine". I was not feeling too well that day but even I felt the great joy in my heart seeing Christ in their smiles, their singing, their spontaneous interactions and all the clapping to the songs at every Home we visited. The joyous "Jingle Bells" that all the schoolchildren sang along with them was the best rendition I have heard in the longest while! The Christmas goodies capped a great afternoon! They were Christ's Light - and their little lights shone and lifted up so many. To the Friends of Divine Singapore group (you know who you are) - may the joy you experienced in the Divine retreat and the joy you brought to our Divine Homes be a  special memory we will all always treasure - the bonding of Divine family ties!

Divine's De Paul school children singing along to Jingle Bells!

For Christmas is all about Christ and our family. As we strive to live for Christ, our hearts must be big enough to love beyond our "nuclear" or "blood-ties" family to include God's Family - especially those in need and to make the Good News known to every one.  There could be an elderly couple near you who could be spending Christmas all alone. Why not surprise them with a visit and some Christmas goodies or invite them over for a meal?  We are all one family in the eyes of God.

My Christmas wish for all my friends and loved ones is that Christmas will not just be a one-day festive celebration but a permanent state of our heart to love others and to express that love by our thoughts, words and deeds all the year through... 

ADVENT: BEGINNING ANEW TO RECEIVE THE GRACE OF GOD

It seems hard to believe that 2012 is coming to an end. Christmas is once again around the corner. 336 days have gone by which means 8064 hours or 483,840 minutes of our lives on earth in 2012 have gone by and we can never claim it back! I had a lot of time to think about time passing by recently as I was hospitalized and strictly watched by the nurses about following the doctor’s order of complete bed-rest. In fact, even now as I prepare this post, I am “resting” in bed except for a few hours daily which the doctor agreed with firm conditions. Time keeps passing by and I have had a lot of time to pray and reflect AND to discern how I should live and serve Christ in the upcoming New Year. Yes, God definitely raises the spiritual bar each year lest I get too complacent or indifferent. Not just through what works I do in my ministry – but also in all the moments of my daily ordinary life. I am sure God will do so for each of us.

December is usually one of my busy months and here I am being told to slow down! But I realized, now that I am happily back in Divine, that regardless of all the anxiety I felt being alone in a hospital room 3 hours away from everyone I knew in India and the difficulty of communicating in English properly - I felt the Presence and Grace of God closer to me than I ever had experienced before. During the Homily of the Holy Mass celebration the night before I went to the hospital, these words had struck my heart particularly.  The priest preached in a booming voice, “God is saying, ‘You are precious to Me! (Isaiah 43:4) Yes, you! Every tear you have shed has been counted and collected (Psalm 56:8) and every hair on your head I have counted (Matthew 10:30). It is I who formed you in your mother’s womb (Psalm 139:15) and I have a special mission for you on this earth. I am not FINISHED with you!” I seemed to have been ill since early September (for different reasons) and these words brought a hopeful stirring in my heart that night (20 Nov)...that God is not done with me serving Him yet! The next day what I thought was an outpatient appointment unexpectedly became an immediate 6-day hospital stay! I even had to shop for everything I needed after being admitted.

All I could think of was all my pending work and projects and if this meant I should think of moving back where I feel comfortable - with doctors, the medical system I am familiar with and most of all closer to loved ones. For the first time, I was rather anxious of my health which I tend to take for granted. Well, hospitals and needles are way, way down on my favourites list! Hence – the 6 days made me once again to ponder about life. As the minutes ticked by, I realized how important each moment is for me to use it to share whatever graces God is pouring into my life. 

I only had my Bible, my prayer journal, the Way of The Cross Booklet written by Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C. (Director of this retreat centre I serve in) and the incredibly inspiring business leadership book “The Pope & The CEO” written by Andreas Widmar of what he learnt from Blessed Pope John Paul II which I was reading for the second time. I never felt lonely even for a moment with these books. All the inspiration and courage I needed came through the words written or jotted down in these books. Most of all, I truly realized that with Advent about to begin, I had this GREAT opportunity to prepare for a NEW BEGINNING – a whole new start with the arrival of Jesus – our Emmanuel (God-with-us) this Christmas!

The night before my operation, as I prayed the Way of the Cross, each Station’s reflection made me to once again to look at my own life. The past few Good Fridays in Divine Retreat Centre, I had wept at some of the reflections which brought back deeply buried (and I thought long-forgotten) experiences in my life. Now I knew as I prayed that Jesus was with me then – IS ALWAYS with me - at all times. He would have come down to earth to die – even if it was only to save me – ONE sinner.That is the amazing love of Jesus! I felt so precious; I also felt truly loved as a person. Jesus had shown me the incredibly supportive love of my close friends in Singapore - the JOY Family (I have no words to describe of their prayers and love), my brother - George who being a pharmacist explained the medications and kept daily tabs of my health, Fr. Augustine Vallooran – whose calm, assuring voice took away whatever anxieties I had and who made all the needed arrangements, and other very dear priests in India and friends overseas who called, wrote and prayed so lovingly for me when they heard of my hospitalization.

I guess some of us need sometimes a life-incident to stop us and to experience in our own lives that God loves us- that each of us IS precious as an INDIVIDUAL - and that we are loved by family and friends even if we all live in distant countries. I had chosen not to worry most of my family members just because my immune system had taken an extended holiday and my body was under some stress.

I do not want to waste any more moments in my life when I can share the Grace of God in me with every person God sends into my life. I want this Christmas to be a new beginning in my life for my Saviour. The book “The Pope & The CEO” that I am re-reading slowly and reflecting of Pope John Paul II is truly inspiring about how to live our Catholic faith so that it is a LIVING faith at all times – work, ministry, friends and family life. Well, I may not be leading any teams now but that does not mean my life cannot be an example to others. As followers of Christ, each of us must be a leader to inspire others by our “authentic Christ-centred living”.  I need to make sure that the people in my life feel personally valued and cared for – never ASSUMING that they should know! Pope John Paul II had this amazing gift. It is about always putting people first as Jesus does; nurturing, listening, acknowledging, loving, trusting and building up their talents and skills and their faith. That moment when a person needs my time or attention to experience God’s Grace will never come back again. I might not get another chance to show them they do matter to me. It is not easy but I am determined to try to live as Blessed Pope John Paul II who has always personally inspired me since a youth.  Nothing is impossible for God. Each of us – you and me - can be a “shining light” of Christ’s Love & Joy to others. Compassion, joy, caring, listening, acceptance, acknowledgment, understanding, trust and humility have no material value but infinite “Divine Value” to the person who may need it most from us even without our knowledge. That always touches and convert hearts more than correction, judgments, human logic or rules ever do. If change is needed, I have learnt one sure fact in Divine – TAKE IT UP TO GOD IN PRAYER! He will do the needed or show His Way at the right time.

 So as I meditate in prayer this Holy Season of Advent on the life of Jesus in the Way of The Cross and in my daily bible reflections, I lift up all my loved ones, friends, persons I find difficult to deal with, readers of my blog, my Divine Family, along with my own life to God….that with His Gift of His Precious Son - Jesus our Emmanuel – a new JOYFUL BEGINNING in life awaits each of us this blessed season of Christmas and for the rest of our lives!

I would like to share with you the soul-inspiring YouTube music video below - "AMAZING GRACE (MY CHAINS ARE GONE)" by CHRIS TOMLIN.

May our hearts be prepared anew to receive unconditionally the ultimate Grace of God – our Messiah and King!

“Come, Lord Jesus!” 

(Revelation 22:20)

BE INSPIRED DAILY...WHEREVER YOU ARE!

I have 2 questions to ask - "Do you remember what you thought and felt when you first woke up today? And as the day went by, what are the moments and thoughts you can still remember?" Well, my hope is that the it was good and hopeful moments that you recall. During my recent vacation back to Singapore/Malaysia, I was thinking about the many different people I have met in my life - and why I still remember them! I realized one fact - we leave an imprint on others just as they do on us. The question is what kind of lasting impression are we giving?

Some things remain the same regardless if one is working in the secular world or serving in a ministry. Firstly, we are all humans and secondly our outlook on life is based on our upbringing, our character and our attitude to life. 

As I was reflecting on what is it in others that draws me to them, I realized it is that they make me feel good about life and most of all they inspire me! They have the instrinsic faith that each of us can do something to make our families, our workplace, our church, our world a better place. It is getting up each day with an inner joy and hope to seize the day - Carpe Diem! One of my most favourite bible verses is 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 -  "Be joyful always, pray at all times, be thankful in all circumstances. This is what God wants from you in your life in union with Christ Jesus."  I have spent much time reflecting on this verse the past few years and I know personally how true this Word of God has been for me.

For me, it has helped at how I look and observe all that is happening around me - especially people. Perhaps that is why I can write about events in my life since much time is spent reflecting and praying  over incidents  that capture my heart - "Why is it so? What can be different? What can/should I do?" At times, all I can do is pray!

There are some people who at times frustrate me. They will continuously complain about every one and everything around them. They cannot see the good but only the bad. I used to keep quiet even when I did not like hearing it - because it troubles me to hear negative things! Well recently, I decided to follow some wise advice a priest gave me before I started my piligrimage to the Holy Land in 2009. I had spoken about how I get troubled just listening and it affects me. The answer was simply to tell whoever it was not to do so.  Well. that is easier said than done! The few times I tried before resulted in the person being insulted when I merely said instead of always complaining, one should act to change it if possible or keep quiet and live with it.

Well, I decided on this vacation, that I was going to do so for the rest of my life.  I have done so upon my return to India and I intend to stick to my decision. I am going to look at each person and be inspired daily by what good they do - not necessarily to me personally - but for the good of others for the Glory of God! I started trying to do so consciously about two years ago. It was not easy with those who I may have had problems with before. But Bl. Mother Teresa's words (which I first read in 2011) inspire me whenever I fall off the track. Mother Teresa said, "We need lots of love to forgive; lots of humility to forget. It is not complete forgiveness if we do not forget also." Well, there is no way I am going to get into Heaven if I have unforgiveness - even if it is towards ONE person! It is definitely not easy but I am trying!

Max and his grandmother - my Mum!

The person who most inspired me on my recent vacation (and I met so many loved ones who inspire me!) is someone most  people would not normally consider a model of inspiration. It is my "special-needs" nephew who is in his thirties now. So many his age are now enjoying great success in their professional lives  and achieving their dreams. This is not what is in store for my nephew, Max. His will be a "divine" reward in Heaven. Yet, it is Max, who most inspired me. Why? The main reason is that he is a person who is usually filled with joy - most of the time! He is very helpful! When we were in Penang, Malaysia with my Mum, none of us had to worry about my Mum who had to use a wheelchair as she could not walk for more than 300 metres without tiring. Max would be the first to want help her into it and push her around. Admittedly sometimes it seemed as if he was in a F1 wheelchair race and had to be asked to slow down! Yet, Max was totally considerate towards his grandmother and my Mum was very happy and touched by his love. That is how Max always is. He was the same with my late father. He is always opening doors and holding lifts for others...something many so-called "normal" people will not do.

Back in Singapore, Max is actively involved in a few church ministries: ALPHA Ministry, FAITH & LIGHT, and the St. Damien's Society. He is very outgoing and seemed to know many parishioners. At ALPHA, he helps set up the seating arrangements and in the weekly registration. On the recent Mission Sunday, when I got to the church, he was at the main entrance selling muffins for the St. Damien Society to raise funds for children in an orphanage in Batam Island, Indonesia. Max was doing so for all the morning masses that day. Last week, he had his school Flag Day to raise funds for the TOUCH Community School. His Mum (my sister) told me his tin was practically full while hers and others were barely a quarter full. Max with his friendly nature and enthusiasm touched the hearts of people to donate!

If we truly looked with the "eyes of love", like Jesus, we will be inspired daily...wherever we are! But it is not enough to be inspired, we must make a decision and do it. More importantly, to do it with all our heart, our mind and our soul!  We will see Jesus in others  and in all that is happening around us and in this world. God will give us the capacity to love unlimitedly! I am quite puzzled when I hear some people say they are taking an extended break from church ministry and then return sometime later. Often, it is just one night a week. We spend the whole week at work where God is blessing us and our family and yet an evening seems too much to serve for God. When we serve God, we must be fully committed as we are to our career. We must be willing to set aside a time to bring others to God. What each of us need is to be inspired each day, then we will never feel tired or stressed. I was struck when I first heard our Director preach this fact during the weekly Divine retreat. Father said, "We are stressed when our hearts are not in union with God. That is when we feel tired and stressed." How very true it is! I have found that because I make sure to have personal time to pray and meditate daily and to be part of the daily Holy Mass celebration - no matter how busy I am, Jesus is in my heart to inspire me. I am never alone! Even when I feel down and tired, somehow I will be lifted up by a Word of God from the Bible, a homily, through the words of a friend or just through an email.

When each of us live our daily ordinary lives, wherever we are, with personal inspiration to be "Christ's Light to the world" (Matthew 5:14) and "Salt of the earth" (Matthew 5:13), there is nothing we cannot achieve for the Glory of God! 

I dedicate this post to my nephew, Max, and to all the many special-needs people who I have met in my life. They have truly touched my heart with their love, their warmth and their ability  to reach out and inspire their families and loved ones by their daily life! May God's Blessings and Protection be upon all of them every moment of their lives.

Below is an uplifting YouTube Video "Inspirations 365 Days A Year" based on a same-titled book by Zig Ziglar.  May your heart be inspired!

"What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what 

you become by achieving your goals."

Zig Ziglar

TO BE AND NOT TO DO...

It was Mission Sunday two days ago and it was a blessed day! The Holy Mass at Blessed Sacrament Church in Singapore was a beautiful and holy experience. As the parish priest, Rev. Fr. Anthony Hutjes SS.CC, shared at the start, this particular mass showed what "mission" meant - the main celebrant was a visiting priest from Uganda, Fr. Anthony himself was originally from Holland, the priest sharing the Mission Sunday Homily was Rev. Fr. Christopher Soh S.J., a Singaporean Jesuit priest from the neighbouring St. Ignatius parish and the couple who were to do the Mass Offering of Bread and Wine were Filipinos. Indeed, as I looked around the packed church, it was a joy to see people of so many nationalities and races present! And I thanked God for all the missionaries before who have made Jesus known to so many people all over the world - including to my ancestors who originated from India.

I had also been pondering on the Year of Faith which began on 11 October 2012 and will continue until 24 November 2013. During this special year, our Holy Father will reflect on the New Evangelization.  Pope Benedict XVI has called upon all Catholics to strengthen our faith and lead by example.

I have been greatly uplifted on this vacation break to be able to listen to so many of my friends on how they are living out the mission God has placed in their lives despite difficult personal trials. There is a confidence and a sense of "deep inner conviction" that I can see in them that was not so visible before. As we shared joyfully some of the lessons we are learning from God, we realized how "personal" Jesus is with each of us - to help us on our personal mission on earth. That is not just an "exclusive privilege" for a select few. God is doing it for each of us as we willingly try our best to totally surrender our hearts to Him. 

Often God is hearing our prayers and granting our petitions but we may not like the "package" through which God answers our prayers. But over time, God's Plan becomes clear and we realize that our human intellect could not fully comprehend God's infinite wisdom. The YouTube music video "HOLDING NOTHING BACK" by Jesus Culture at the top of this blog is all we need to be. Yet it is not easy (for me!) to surrender totally to God. It means having give up every bit of my own self-ego and self-will. It is something I still have to pray each day to overcome and to be able to discern and humbly do God's Will in obedience and patience.

So what special things can I do for Jesus in this Year of Faith? I realized it was very simple and abundantly clear in the hymn that was  beautifully sung  by the  Blessed Sacrament church choir during Holy Communion on Mission Sunday. My heart was moved and touched deeply as I just experienced the meaningful lyrics in my heart. I did not sing the hymn - I just knelt and in the stillness of my heart, I made it my prayer to God for the rest of my life. I do not have to plan to do special things to show my faith to God. I just need this one VERY special grace which is always a personal struggle for me...and it is so touchingly  sung in the YouTube hymn below -  "MAKE ME A SERVANT" by the Maranatha Singers.

"How happy are those servants whose  master finds them awake and ready when he returns! I tell you, he will take out his coat, have them sit down, 

and will wait on them."

(Luke 12:37)

LEAVING OUR MARK ON THIS WORLD...

I was listening recently to a couple of lay members of our community here speak about people in general not being generous when they can do more. Suddenly for some strange reason, I asked them  - "Why are we talking about others? What are each of us doing personally on our part to help those in need - especially for the 3000 members of our own Divine Family cared for by the various Homes of our Divine Charitable Trust? Are we tithing 10 percent ourselves of what we have? If not, we  cannot expect it from others." Well, my comments caused an awkward pin-drop silence around the table and an instant end to the conversation. For a few moments, I wished I had kept my mouth shut especially as the others did not expect me to join in the conversation. I had been quietly concentrating on my dinner. Yet, that is a question each of us have to ask our conscience. "What can I do first?" instead of expecting others to do something.

One thing I have realized is that in this age of instant news coverage on the digital media and newspapers, our senses are becoming numb - and with it our ability to really "feel" for those who are in need. It seems like we are just watching a movie that we can switch off or tune out from our memory by focusing on something else that makes us feel good. It is like we have sensory overload.

I was like that. I would be moved to tears watching some documentaries or news - yet unless there was a very easy way to help or to donate, it will just be in some corner of my  memory of a urgent need by a suffering people. It is not something I would share with friends besides a couple of comments like -  'Did you watch the news last night? Isn't it such a tragedy?" The worst part as I look back is the lack of any constructive action on my part to help a  great human need or even just to pray for God's merciful intervention.  I may have the intention but I never followed through with an action. 

One of my "abilities" since a primary schoolgirl is to organize with other classmates  fundraising events. My primary school years were in a convent school. Certain Christian values were inculcated in us especially to "care for the poor".  We would organize raffles sales around our neighbourhoods, coconut candy sales in school (my Mum often helped us to make these!)  and even organizing concerts at the "princely" rate of 30 cents a student. We planned all the songs, dance and sketch events ourselves with no teachers involved. It was a great feeling of independence to use our own creativity to raise a few hundred dollars! Yet, as I moved on in life, this zeal of "working together" for a worthy cause disappeared. It somehow seemed like the older I grew, the more individualistic I became. It was about my goals, my life and worst of all, always wanting to do good but I would do so only if it was convenient and hassle-free i.e. if someone came to me for a donation or doing so through church appeals. I expected someone to reach out to me BUT I was not willing to make the effort to reach out to others to help support a good cause.

I would read and watch all these documentaries of the starving communities in Africa and the Indian subcontinent,  of abused children and women around the world, of refugees in civil wars and victims of natural disasters. Yet, my conscience was only awakened for the time I was being exposed to it and then it was back to my usual life - expecting  people to help but forgetting  the most pertinent question - "What am I doing?" Now I realize that it is because I was only reacting from my intellect (mind) and not truly from my heart. 

The very first bible passage I read from my newly bought bible when I attended my 1st Divine retreat in 1998 shattered the  "thick glass of indifference" around my heart.  It was from James 2:14 -" My brothers, what good is it for someone to say that he has faith if his actions do not prove it? Can his faith save him?"  This Word of God truly pierced my heart!  I realized I was NOT living my faith. The next line I read was, "So it is with faith: if it is alone  and includes no actions, then it is dead." (James 2:17) From that night before the retreat even started, God had made me truly question my life's existence - "What is the meaning of my life  and what kind of Christian am I?" My life was NEVER the same again. It was the most beautiful moment of God's Grace in my life  - to finally know who Jesus really is to me and of my Christian mission here on earth. Now I know that "Good intentions can never feed the hungry, help the sick or comfort the distressed. One must be moved to act."  Whenever I feel frustrated or cannot understand what is God's Plan for my life, I am somehow always reminded of this special event in my life. It gives me the perseverance to continue doing what God places in my hands for love of Him. Commitment is also an act of love for God.

God gives us the grace to help those in need in many ways. We just need to be responsive from our hearts. God will show us the way. We need to ask God for holy courage to dare to help worthy causes through different ways - financially, through our skills/talents, mobilizing network of friends to support or intercessory prayers. One thing I have learnt serving in this mission is the faith to leave it to God to touch the hearts of those who He has chosen to help. I am never offended when many never reply or ever support any charitable appeal. I do not know - perhaps they are praying for our mission and how blessed we are because of their prayers to God! What matters is I try my best to help a worthy cause when those in need do not have access or "voice" to be heard by those who have plenty.  What is more, for those who have plenty, we need to respond  to the real need and not what we think we want to give. For example, it could be that a financial donation is much more critically needed to care for the life of a needy person than sending clothes. When helping missions, we need to be able to first help care for the "needs" before trying to satisfy the "wants".

Some Friends of Divine with a few of the 600 residents of Divine Care Home 
for the Mentally Ill 

For those who can, do make the effort to experience first hand the needy cause you are helping. When you see the lives your loving support has made a tangible difference, there is a joy that can never be wiped from your heart! Your love has sustained lives so that those who are marginalized or suffering can now have a life of hope and dignity.  I have taken many friends to our various Divine Homes who are moved to tears and weep when they realize how God has blessed their lives abundantly and they have have just taken it for granted. We could easily have been in the shoes of the poor, the sick and the needy crying out to God for someone to help.  

At the top of this post is the touchingly inspiring YouTube music video by Beyonce, "I WAS HERE", sung during the United Nations Humanitarian Day on 19 August 2012. This video makes me thank God for all the millions of unsung heroes - simple, loving ordinary people - who reach out with REAL love to make a GREAT difference to so many sisters and brothers of ours in this world. Each of us belong to God's Family - let there be no barriers of any sort in our hearts to stop us from reaching out!

"He will always make you rich enough to be generous at all times so that many will thank God for your gifts which they receive from us. For this service you perform not only meets the needs of God's people, but also produces an outpouring of gratitude to God."

(2 Corinthians 11-12)

MUSIC - MEMORIES OF JOY IN OUR LIVES

 

I have always loved music and growing up with five older sisters and brothers (and two younger ones!), there was always some music blaring in the background during the day. I remember dancing as a little 3 or 4 year old kid to the song "LET'S DO THE TWIST" by Chubby Checker (YouTube video above) which I distinctly remember my late elder sister taught us. Oh what memories of laughter and innocent joy those family times were when I now think of it decades later! I wonder how many of you danced to it as a child and even years later like I did. :)

Even until today, when I hear the songs of the Beatles, Temptations, Chubby Checkers, I remember my early childhood days...days when playing did not mean computer war games - it meant playing dress-up (trying on my elder siblings' clothes, costume jewelry and my Mum's perfumed talc powder and perfume and heeled footwear) one moment, cycling around the housing estate....and climbing up and jumping down from trees like Superman the next. Our best friends were the neighbourhood kids. We would run and play from one house to another. No one was a stranger in our neighbourhood. Different songs will be blaring loud from different homes in different languages - well, that was truly a time when Malaysian life was simple and all races lived happily without racial undertones being exploited by politicians.    

I am sure for many of my friends from my high school who like me had gone to Canada and USA for studies remember the songs and videos that electrified the world like the THRILLER video of  Michael Jackson which was played on MTV endlessly - and we all remained glued to the TV each time it was played...as well as his  BILLIE JEAN and BEAT IT videos. Michael Jackson broke all racial barriers and became a worldwide sensation. For youths like me all over the world, it was a decade in which we had great hopes of our future - that nothing could stop us! Even now, we can listen to songs and remember at what period in our life we heard it. At the end of each term - there were end-term parties where we all danced with joy that we had passed our exams and our dreams to be working adults was becoming closer. 

Music is like a joyful, gentle yet deep touch of God in our heart. I cannot imagine a world without music. Music has brought the world together. I distinctly remember Bob Geldof's  inspiring BAND AID effort, the hauntingly conscience-awakening song - "DO THEY KNOW IT IS CHRISTMAS?" charity single sung by top British and Irish musicians to raise funds for famine relief in Ethiopia during Christmas 1984. This song became the biggest selling single in UK Singles Chart history - selling 1 million copies in the first week alone. It went on to remain as the No. 1 in the UK SIngles Chart until 1997 - an amazing 13 years! I will never forget BAND AID as I was in my final year as a Business Administration student majoring in Marketing Management.  I wanted to do something positive and fulfilling that made a difference to the world. My heart was already by then awakened by Blessed Pope John Paul II's visit to Toronto in 1984 (please refer to my link: 03 May 2011 blog post). It was in this period of my life in the 1980s  - more  than any decade - when I knew in my heart, I wanted to contribute meaningfully to  our world. I did not know how but that is when the seed of "humanitarian effort" in my heart was planted. I wanted to be a "global" citizen for the world is ours. I did not want to just make an individual effort but hoped to also encourage and inspire others to take a worldview. I was always happy to contribute to fund-raising efforts by people from all walks of life and faith - for it is a life that is important not what faith one practices. Below is the YouTube video of "DO THEY KNOW IT IS CHRISTMAS?" sung during LIVE AID in July 1985.

My life remained in this mode where my career was my all-encompassing goal. I was blessed to travel to many parts of the world - working with so many different nationalities. It remained as such until my first retreat in Divine in 1998. After that, a group of friends and I in Singapore decided to be pro-active through a prayer group we had formed to help overseas mission work as well as to pray together once a month. in 2004, I came to serve fulltime here in India. It has not been easy and many times I realize the wonderful Grace God has given me to serve here all these years despite my preference before for a totally different lifestyle. Life here is different. No one will understand community life unless they have lived through it. There is no way to explain it - one has to live it to experience it!

One of the greatest joys I have in my life here in Divine is the time of prayer and the Praise & Worship during the retreats held here. So many hymns have touched, moulded and transformed my heart. I have felt great joy, hope, courage and even pain and sorrow - all through the beautifully inspired lyrics - as St. Augustine of Hippo said, "When one sings, one prays twice." I love working in my office and singing to my favourite Christian hymns on the YouTube after midnight. I often find great inspiration for my work in these hours when  my heart is soothed and my spirit lifted up by the touching hymns. Whenever I am feeling down or stressed, it is these quiet moments of music where I can sing to my heart's content that makes my life seem brighter!

There is one hymn that has truly touched my heart these past few months - "THIS IS THE AIR I BREATHE". Each time, it was sung during the the weekly retreat's  Inner Healing session during the exposition of the Blessed Sacrament, I have wept and felt intense emotions as I sang it. I have never felt closer to God. How can a song pierce through the deepest layers of my heart like this? I believe God is all around us in nature, in people, in us and also in music. When I lay my  heart bare to God, the Holy Spirit, touches me deep within to speak to God of my heart's desire and to know in return God's special message just for me! 

My  wish for all of you is that your lives will always be filled with beautiful meaningful music - to enrich your heart  and to strengthen your soul. So who says, God does not speak to each of us? Let us learn to worship and praise God with hymns each day.

Below is the YouTube music video - "THIS IS THE AIR I BREATHE " by Hillsong. I suggest you turn out the light, switch off your mobile, quieten your heart with some bible meditations in a candle-lit room and let this hymn touch your heart too...God is with us!

TRUE FREEDOM COMES FROM OUR HEART

What does "freedom" mean? Are we living as free people or are we held back by unseen chains in our life? If we believe we have freedom, are our hearts filled with courage and hope to live with a firm purpose as Mahatma Gandhi who inspired millions of people? He truly believed - " We must become the change we want to see in this world." He lived his deep heartfelt conviction and helped bring independence for his beloved homeland, India, without advocating any violence.

The longer I live on this earth, the more I am convinced that many of us make the mistake of believing that the freedom to do anything is the same as having freedom in our hearts to do the right thing! We just have to look at the lives of Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Amy Winehouse, Eva and Hans Rausing and so many others who seem to have all the material wealth and freedom to do anything - and yet they could never have inner peace and true freedom of their heart. Their hearts were imprisoned by the invisible chains of sin - drugs, alcohol and living for their own human desires. They lacked HOPE and a true PURPOSE in life which can only come when we allow God to live in our hearts. The need for a Christ-centred life is what is always proclaimed during the Divine retreats weekly. Each of us need the spiritual discipline to train our hearts to recognize God's Voice and to live according to His Will - not to what people are telling us and expecting us to be or what we want based on our human desires.  When we have faith in God, our hearts are empowered tremendously to have hope and courage - for we know God's Promises in the Holy Bible. I personally find these three Word of God have constantly helped me to be steadfast in my ministry especially in moments of doubts and trials in my life:

• "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)
• "My grace is all you need for my power is greatest when you are weak."  (Galatians 2:20)
• "Love never gives up; and its faith, hope and patience never fails. Love is eternal. (1 Corinthians 13:7-8) 

The week of 22-27 July 2012 was an amazingly anointed week  here in Divine Retreat Centre. The much awaited POWER 2012 - Divine's 7th International Youth Conference and Couples Retreat -"CHRIST IN YOU - THE  HOPE OF GLORY" (Colossians 1:27) took place. There were around 5000 retreatants in our English campus (including the resource people and volunteers) for Divine's International Family Renewal week - they came from all over India and from 25 countries around the world. It was a moment of great joy that for the very first time, the Apostolic Nuncio to India, His Excellency Archbishop Salvatore Pennacchio inaugurated POWER 2012! Every one of us witnessed a great transformation in the retreatants and even in ourselves as the week went by. Each day, the joy and hope especially in the Youths were so tangible and infectious. 

There were tears and moments of deep intense reflections as they heard the Word of God dynamically preached by Rev. .Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C - Director of Divine Retreat Centre, Rev. Fr. Michael Payyapilly V.C.  - Asst. Director, Divine Retreat Centre, Rev. Fr. Joseph Edattu V.C. - Asst. Director (Malayalam Retreats), Most Rev. Julian Prowse - Auxiliary Bishop of Sydney (Episcopal Vicar for Renewal  & Evangelization), Australia, the "Rapping Friar" and star of World Youth Days - Rev. Fr. Stan Fortuna CFFR from New York, USA, Rev. Fr. Andre Patenoude known as "Our Lady's Trobaudor" from USA, Jude Antoine from Malaysia, Lalith Pereira from Sri Lanka and Divine's lay preachers.

Rapping Friar - Rev. Fr. Stan Fortuna CFFR from New York, USA

Our Lady's Troubadour - Rev. Fr. Andre Patenaude, USA

I cannot find the words to describe the beautiful Spirit-filled Praise & Worship sessions of the POWER 2012 music ministry bands: Divine's very own Singing Couple - Glen & Teresa La Rive and the Soul Welfare Band, and the greatly anointed music ministry teams: the FAITH Band from Goa, India  the EMPOWERED Youth Music Ministry Band from Sarawak, Malaysia, the Slovakian Singers from Slovakia and Sri Lanka's Risen Lord Community. The incredible Power of the Holy Spirit filled the retreat halls - the joy in the Youths and Couples prayerfully worshipping and also dancing in great joy for God with total freedom in their hearts was a sight to behold! It was just each of them  in union with Christ!

There were so many God-experiences that were shared by the youths and couples. I personally had quite a number of them from India, Malaysia, Qatar and Mauritius share with me their personal experiences of Jesus during POWER 2012. They know without a doubt - this was just the beginning of fulfilling Christ's mission in their lives. Their mission has begun! As for all of us in Divine, we can only thank God from the depths of our hearts for the huge privilege of being called to serve here and to do what He empowers each of us to do - "Go throughout the whole world and preach the gospel to all mankind." (Mark 16:15) It felt like He brought the world to us in this special blessed week. The Divine Youth Team, the volunteers, the workers and most of all the V.C. Fathers will all definitely agree - in Christ, we truly witnessed the Hope of His Glory in all the retreatants as they returned to their own countries and homes. Every one of us know ONE true fact - we can only live with full freedom when we TOTALLY surrender our lives to Jesus. When He is in full control of every moment that we live, we are set free forever!  

At the top of this post is the YouTube pictorial music video of DIVINE's POWER 2012 MEMORIES - "Christ In You - the hope of glory" (Col. 1:27) set to Matt Redman's song "We Are the Free" which was the theme song for POWER 2012. 

 Let us pray for the Fire of the Holy Spirit to burn brightly forever 

in the hearts of every POWER 2012 retreatant.

 A great REVIVAL has begun!

WHEN GOD’S PLAN IS DIFFERENT…

I have been doing a lot of personal reflection again about my life this month of June. In fact, I am amazed that I could do so much given that it was a super hectic month for me. Well, that is something I am sure all my SES classmates are also doing a lot of this year – as I reach the golden milestone tomorrow!

Where have the years gone by so quickly? Have I fulfilled my cherished dreams? Have I truly loved living my life to the full? Have I been too busy for the people who truly matter to me? Have I stopped and made a difference to people who needed my help? Have I dared to live for what I believe in? Have I been open to surrender my life to God and to change within myself? Most of all, have I been true to my conscience? These and what seems like a hundred more questions have been stirring my soul greatly…

It seemed a strange “coincidence” but during the Inner Healing session last Thursday, our director focussed part of the session on our death, lying in the coffin and looking into the kind of life we had led. I was very taken aback – this was usually never a part of the Inner Healing session – often it focussed on our parents’ deaths. Obviously God was speaking to me(!) because that has been on my mind a lot – would my life be one that mattered to God in how I  tried to live for Him? Have I tried my best to live a life of quiet humility, of service, of loving others with a gentleness and acceptance without judging or expecting them to conform to my standards? I look back at my life and I know one thing for sure – I have failed many times to be perfectly pleasing to God. But what matters is I am trying consciously to change – that is the painful part and the enriching part! 

I have always been a firm believer in CHANGE especially during my career. Doing the same thing is boring, it makes us mediocre and just working in maintenance mode and eventually the company will become a piece of deadwood. We must be creative, be willing to pursue new and higher goals, be willing to take risks and to aim to be the best! Well, why should it be different in our journey of faith – when it is what will lead us to Eternal Life in Heaven?  There is now a burning desire within me - "Am I striving to live for Christ with the goal to be what He wants me to be?"

There is something very different about secular life and living a life of faith. That is what Fr. Augustine shared so beautifully with my friends and me on 20 June. Father shared that when we live for Christ, we need to know what God wants of us. We must stop from being “Martha’ always doing some activity for God and be more like “Mary” – sitting at the Feet of Jesus and listening to Him. We must forget about being efficient and doing great things. Are we listening to God? We need to have true discernment. Often we may not know the answer and Fr. Augustine shared the difficulties he has encountered being the Director of the mission. There were times he did not know what to do with so many needs from Divine’s evangelization and charitable ministries. At those moments, Father would shut his door (after carrying out his mission work) to remain in prayer and eventually God will show the way – it may take days! What Is needed is patience on our part with God and He will show the way! We need to turn to Jesus and pray.

At times I wonder – how much of time does one sit in front of the Blessed Sacrament in silence allowing Jesus to speak to our hearts and by reflecting on the Bible? Often I see people praying endlessly from prayer books and other devotions. It seems like a one-way conversation of offering up intentions and asking God to answer them. One of the greatest gifts I learnt in Divine is the beauty of remaining still in the Presence of Jesus and allowing Jesus to speak to my heart and to guide and lead me in my ministry. I was a “Martha”...I probably still am in terms of work but then so are all the VC priests in this Divine mission - each with huge responsibilities. But one thing is different - it is my attitude to my ministry. I have learnt that God has His time and I need to have the faithfulness, obedience and humility to pray, wait and do everything at the time God wants me to and how He wants me to do it. It is not easy but perseverance is also a gift from God!

I was used to always being in a leadership role in my career and now I have learnt that I am His servant. God has chosen us to be His people. It Is not for us to decide who will be worthy to serve Christ. None of us are worthy but if God is giving us a chance, who are we, mere humans, to stop others under the pretext that we are doing it in God’s Name? This knowledge was imprinted in my heart when I spoke to Fr. Augustine sometime in my 1^st year in Divine (in 2004). I asked Father why did he have lay volunteers who seemed more a hindrance than a help to the Divine mission? It drove me crazy! I never forgot Father’s answer and it helped me greatly when I struggled to change I how I served God. Fr. Augustine’s reply to me was, “Susan, God sent all of them to be a part of this mission. As the Director, I have to look at the lowest denominator and help every volunteer to do their best. I have to mould them, teach them and encourage them to serve God as best they can. God sent them here and I am merely His steward. I too was called by God to serve here as the Director. I must do my best to help them to live their mission.”

It was at that precise moment that I realized why it is such a joy to work for this mission – especially for our Director, Fr. Augustine, who never stresses me with what I should be to serve God. Believe me, God has been very patiently pruning and moulding me but He has not stopped me from serving Him! I do get stressed trying to cope with working for a super-busy priest but it has reduced greatly due to Father’s unflappable belief that I can achieve/complete whatever Divine projects with seemingly impossible deadlines/goals because God will help our mission! It definitely keeps me always rooted in depending on Christ. Every one of us – regardless of our so-called skills and talents – are loved for being a child of God. The VC Fathers are non-judgemental, nurturing and very caring in helping us live our Call. They teach us by their lives (not by words) to be detached from worldly attachments and to live with God’s Spirit in control of our lives. We can see it so clearly in the VC Fathers in Divine – they are very humble, gentle, loving, joyful and peaceful. It has shown me that in any aspect of our life journey, we cannot put ourselves above others - especially in areas of faith, service and mission but to journey together with a shared vision of Christ.

I have learnt to let go of being irritable and frustrated at people and learning to pray for God’s Grace and Power to help each of us and our mission. When I started doing so, I felt great calm and a quiet joy in my heart. All the stress I used to feel just went away. Now I know for sure stress is caused when our spirit is not united with God’s Spirit. As Fr. Augustine often preaches, “We must surrender completely to God and allow God to be in total control of our lives!” There is no ifs and buts to this – we must never allow another person to control our lives. Each of us MUST learn to discern by the Power of God’s Spirit and His Word what God‘s Plan is for us. Our Lord speaks to each and every one of us.

Often I have found that my plan and God’s Plan are different! I had been planning to return to Singapore on this date today since late November 2010. It was my own human thinking because I felt it would have been 8 years and logically, I had to return one day. In fact, I was preparing myself mentally and I was to the point when I felt I could perhaps leave without crying endlessly at doing so because I love the Divine mission greatly. Well, God had obviously a vastly different plan and last year proved it! It took a while for me to stop feeling shell-shocked and realizing I was praying for God’s strength to be able to move on but I did not ask God if that is His Plan for me! Many people were saying I had to return to my usual life as I am not from India. Well, God left me in no doubt.

I am not too old that I cannot become a better person with the Grace of God. I am not ready to sit back and say the best is over. No indeed – the best is yet to come! I aim to live every moment of my life for God with full enthusiasm, full energy, full faith and with full love. After all is it not true for me what God told St. Paul? “My grace is all you need, for my power is strongest when you are weak.”  (2 Corinthians 12:9)  

This deeply comforting YouTube music video below  – “WHEN GOD HAS ANOTHER PLAN “ by The Greenes truly touched my heart when I heard it for the first time a few days ago.   The lyrics below is what I have learnt in my life:

When God Has Another Plan, Walk On And Just Say Yes
When God Has Another Plan, Be Assured That He Knows Best
When All Your Dreams Are Shattered, Rest In His Sufficient Grace
We Don’t Have To Understand, When God Has Another Plan

For me - I only want to learn to live as a servant of Christ. God has given me a wonderful life filled with great blessings. I have NO regrets.

I just got this after writing this post few minutes ago in an online meditation I subscribe to. How wonderful God is – surely He is showing me He is definitely with me at this moment! 

What I desire most is to be faithful and to finish the race. It doesn't matter if I finish running or crawling; all I want is to finish and hear the Father say to me, 
“Well done, good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:23).
 — from Hiking the Camino

I dedicate this post to all my friends and loved ones who have shared with me much joy and strength in my life...