Today, I had a friend comment on Facebook that "Life is complicated." It made me smile! A few years back, I had a similar discussion with a few friends. They were asking me how could I walk away from a lifestyle I was used to for a much simpler one. One of them asked me, "Who are you now, Susan? Can you explain what are you looking for in life? Why would you want this major upheavel and uncertainty at this stage of your life? Every one else is settling down and you walk right into a life of uncertainty! It makes no sense and I always thought you were very logical and analytical" Well, I have to admit something here. I really do not think I was fully aware in my heart and mind that I would serve in India indefinitely. After all, in my career, I never stayed in any job position for more than 3 years - that was the only frame of reference I had then. Perhaps God decided that it was better that I did not really know what I was in for upfront. I probably would have not moved an inch and stayed put in Singapore! I always found India daunting to live in.
To put in bluntly, I had to "uncomplicate" my heart's and mind's desires and wants in order learn what is truly important in life. it was not the changes in lifestyle that was difficult and at times painful. It was in how I should live a life that was pleasing to God. It was about forgetting my ego, my so-called expertise/talents, about my own personal ministry goals and plans. I had to live a life of love which is so beautifully explained by St. Paul in 1 Corinthians Chapter 13:4-8 - The Way of Love. It is the following verse about "Love" that truly struck me a few years ago - "It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1 Corinthians 13:7)
It was about me grappling to really understand "Who am I? What does God want from me? The truth is a life of simplicity and detachment from material and worldly standards is a rather complicated goal to achieve. I had to learn to live this Word of God - "Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect." (Romans 12:2) Frankly, many times I was sure I was already living like that. After all, did I not dare to come and serve as a fulltime volunteer in India?
It took about 5 long years before I understood in my heart that it REALLY did not matter to the priests in this centre what "label" had to be given for my ministry here. It seemed to matter to others who were trying to know where I fit in - yes, even me! For a long while, I could relate really well to the children's story, "The Ugly Duckling". As I was doing my personal retreat in late November 2008, the answer came as a thunderbolt to my heart! It is not volunteer work that I am doing here for God. It is about me learning to live joyfully for Christ. This is my ministry!
Firstly, to God, it is irrelevant what I do! After all, He has already told me, "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you." (Jeremiah 1:5) And God has also assured me of His Love - "You are precious in my eyes and glorious, and because I love you." (Isaiah 43:4) In fact, He gives this loving assurances to EVERY one of us! Each and every person on this earth is a "Child of God". Unfortunately, it has taken me a long while to believe that God's Love is totally unconditional. He is not giving me Key Result Areas I must achieve in terms of activities or projects in a year. Rather God is filling me with His Graces so that I will turn to Him and know who I am to Him. It is the real me - the person - who truly matters to God. It is never about what I can do for Him. Rather it is how I will willingly live for Him here on earth - "For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of food and drink, but of righteousness, peace and joy of the Holy Spirit; whoever serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by others." (Romans 14:17)
It is now that I have a deeper grasp of what what love and humility means - knowing that I am a imperfect child of a perfect God. Yet, He loves me completely and never gives up on me!
As the beautiful lyrics of the hymn "Who Am I?" sung by the Casting Crowns in the YouTube video below says. "Not because of who I am but because of what You've done. Not because of what I have done but because of who You are..."
It is by God's Grace that He has specially chosen each of us for our mission in life. So our life's goal is really uncomplicated isn't it? However, even God did not say it was going to be easy and simple to achieve.
It is a matter of perseverance and living life joyfully...one day at a time!
Amen, Susan!
ReplyDelete