LIVING AN UNCOMPLICATED LIFE...

Today, I had a friend comment on Facebook that "Life is complicated." It made me smile! A few years back, I had a similar discussion with a few friends. They were asking me how could I walk away from a lifestyle I was used to for a much simpler one. One of them asked me, "Who are you now, Susan? Can you explain what are you looking for in life? Why would you want this major upheavel and uncertainty at this stage of your life? Every one else is settling down and you walk right into a life of uncertainty! It makes no sense and I always thought you were very logical and analytical"  Well, I have to admit something here. I really do not think I was fully aware  in my heart and mind  that I would serve in India indefinitely. After all, in my career, I never stayed in any job position for more than 3 years - that was the only frame of reference I had then. Perhaps  God decided that it was better that I did not really know what I was in for upfront. I probably would have not moved an inch and stayed put in Singapore! I always found India daunting to live in.  

To put in bluntly, I had to "uncomplicate" my heart's and mind's desires and wants in order learn what is truly important in life. it was not the changes in lifestyle that was difficult and at times painful. It was in how I should live a life that was pleasing to God. It was about forgetting my ego, my so-called expertise/talents, about my own personal ministry goals and plans. I had to live a life of love which is so beautifully explained by St. Paul in 1 Corinthians Chapter 13:4-8 - The Way of Love. It is the following verse about "Love" that truly struck me a few years ago - "It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1 Corinthians 13:7)

It was about me grappling to really understand "Who am I? What does God want from me?  The truth is a life of simplicity and detachment from material and worldly standards is a rather complicated goal to achieve.  I had to learn to live this Word of God - "Do not conform  yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect." (Romans 12:2)  Frankly, many times I was sure I was already living like that. After all, did I not dare to come and serve as a fulltime volunteer in India?  

It took about 5 long years before I understood in my heart that it REALLY did not matter to the priests in this centre what "label" had to be given for my ministry here. It seemed to matter to others who were trying to know where I fit in  - yes, even me! For a long while, I could relate really well to the children's story, "The Ugly Duckling".  As I was doing my personal retreat in  late November 2008, the answer came as a thunderbolt to my heart! It is not volunteer work that I am doing here for God. It is about me learning to live joyfully for Christ.  This is my ministry! 

Firstly,  to God, it is irrelevant what I do! After all, He has already told me, "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you." (Jeremiah 1:5) And God has also assured me of His Love - "You are precious in my eyes and glorious, and because I love you." (Isaiah 43:4) In fact, He gives this loving assurances to EVERY one of us! Each and every person on this earth is a "Child of God". Unfortunately, it has taken me a long while to believe that God's Love is totally unconditional. He is not giving me Key Result Areas I must achieve in terms of activities or projects in a year. Rather God is filling me with His Graces so that I will turn to Him and know who I am to Him.  It is the real me - the person - who truly matters to God. It is never about what I can do for Him.  Rather it is  how I will willingly live for Him here on earth - "For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of food and drink, but of righteousness, peace and joy of the Holy Spirit; whoever serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by others." (Romans 14:17)  

It is now that I have a deeper grasp of what what love and humility means - knowing that I am a imperfect child of a perfect God. Yet, He loves me completely and never gives up on me!

As the beautiful lyrics of the hymn "Who Am I?" sung by the Casting Crowns in the YouTube video below says. "Not because of who I am  but because of what You've done. Not because of what I have done but because of who You are..."

It is by God's Grace that He has specially chosen each of us for our mission in life. So our life's goal is really uncomplicated isn't it? However, even God did not say it was going to be easy and simple to achieve.

It is a matter of perseverance and living life joyfully...one day at a time!

"LOOK AT ME AND LIVE!"

Life is full of surprises…I had been even more introspective since December 2010 than I usually am. Perhaps it is the realization that there is so much I still wish to do and it is not like the years ahead will be as many as those that have gone by!

I am sure at some point in our life, we all reflect upon what our life has been, is, and what it could be in future. Well, I have been doing quite a lot of pondering these past few months.  I have realized something very significant – although there have been many happy moments and successes in my life, I cannot recall the feeling or what actually happened. It is just a memory of a fact that I was successful and happy at achieving my goals then. Yet, I can still remember friends especially good ones and even specific memories decades later! The events no longer really matter but I am so happy these days connecting or meeting with high school friends and ex-colleagues.  It is in being in touch with them that I remember vividly the joy of my schooldays in Malaysia, college in Canada, and working in Malaysia, Hong Kong and Singapore. I travelled extensively during my career and it opened up my perspective of the world. Yes, life is a JOY!

There are many kind, friendly, decent people all over the world. It is why I never despair at all the negative news reports on the Internet or in newspapers. It is because it is boring and difficult to sensationalize “good news”. I have hope in the goodness of the majority of the “silent” people who go about their daily lives trying to lead meaningful lives – caring for their families and loved ones, working hard, and living in peace and harmony with others regardless of race, nationality or religion. In fact, I know I have met significantly more good people in my life than “bad’ ones. I do not expect it to change so drastically now. I always remember the bible verse -“Do Not Let Evil Defeat You; Instead, Conquer Evil With Good." (Romans 12:21)


What really makes me smile is when at times some people refer to my serving in a ministry now as a case of “early retirement” on my part. I get comments like, “You are so lucky that you do not have to work like the rest of us” or “You are so lucky as you do not have stress like us.” Well. the funny part is although I would be deemed a workaholic in my career, here, it is not a case of work and having days or Public Holidays off. I cannot call what I do now “work”. For me, it is a great passion in my life regardless of the obstacles and frustrations that are inevitably there. God did not promise us a good and easy life. But St. Paul said, “In everything God works for good with those who love him.” (Romans 8:28)  It is a far cry from all the comforts and resources that I always had easy access to in the working world. In my seven years here, I have really learnt more about myself and looking back, I can see how much I have changed. 


To make changes in a situation is difficult so it is obvious that the changes within me was not without tears. There have been times it seems that my Guardian Angel had to literally drag me through life before I had the sense that it is I who had to change and not God having to change the situation to suit me! I know without a doubt how my faith is showing me a new way of life…a life of love and of forgiveness.  I have been forgiven so many times myself and I am very much more aware of the love of Christ for me, my family and loved ones in a personal and tangible way. I have learnt tremendously from the Vincentian Fathers who run Divine Retreat Centre. They do not punish or stress us out to get things done efficiently and effectively. Their way is one of kindness, gentleness, understanding, encouragement and most of all love. Most of all, I have learned one CRUCIAL fact of life - “The greater you become, the more humble you should be; then the Lord will be with you.” (Sirach 3:18) Never have I ever seen the fruits of the Spirit manifested more tangibly than in my ministry here in DIvine. The Fathers are very inclusive and loving in their approach to allow each of us serving here to do so to the best of our capabilities and to grow in our service for God. They do not demand perfection in what we do but more a perfection in how we live our faith. It has taken me a few years to truly understand that in Divine, more than endless planning and rules or regulations, what is expected from us ‘”seems” simple – for each of us to pray, to listen and discern how God is calling us to live for Him and to meditate daily on the Word of God. It is the greatest learning experience of my life. It is a matter of FAITH!

On my birthday a few days ago, I went for morning mass just “knowing” that God was going to speak to my heart. How could I be sure? Well, I asked Him to as it was my birthday and God is my Father! I was not disappointed! It was as if Jesus was speaking to me instead of the hundreds of other retreatants present. The question in my heart about my future and what should I do was answered. It was one of the most beautiful homilies I have heard in my life. My heart felt deeply touched by the Grace of God and it seemed to radiate all through my mind and body. Here I would like to share with you some key points of the inspiring sermon by Rev. Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C., the Director of our retreat centre:

“Jesus is saying, “Look At Me and Live!’ We are children of our Heavenly Father – we have spiritual genes lying hidden in our soul. What must we do? In our moments of pain, troubles, trials and doubts, we must look at the Heart of our Father for the spiritual genes “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, humility and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23) We must allow the spiritual powers (genes) to be awakened in us."

“Most of all, we must stay in prayer and NEVER give up!”

“We celebrate our birthday when we celebrate our life! There could be evil in your family – don’t give up! Don’t be fatigued! Anger and jealousy have no chance. God has said evil is conquered!”

We must never tire in our mission to bring everyone into the Presence and Love of Jesus”

What more could I ask for? I can only thank God for the most intense and empowering seven years of my life serving in this Divine mission and for Fr. Augustine – who does not make work feel like work! It is about rediscovering my faith in God, and to have an “inclusive love” for others so that we can all serve God together in our everyday life. The world is our family! I have realized God is not asking me to be a perfectionist in what I do in my ministry but in how I love, accept and forgive others – the perfection I should aim for the rest of my life.

This timeless Beatles music video “In My Life” is most apt for me at this point in my life…please sit back and enjoy it!

"One filled with joy preaches without preaching."

Blessed Mother Teresa