Have you ever thought "maybe I am now getting old and should not aim to to take on new challenges?" Well, I certainly have. But thankfully it is usually just a short, fleeting phase before I realize one fact - only I can limit my goals and dreams and no one else! So if my heart is ready, nothing can stop me. The Promises in the Bible gives me confidence. I just wonder how I used to live my life never reflecting on the Bible daily before. It is inconceivable for me now.
It is what spurs me on to always be open to take on new challenges in my ministry. After all, age is not a factor with God, he chose Abraham to be a first-time dad when he was nearly 100! For each of us, there is God's Promise to us - "I have the strength for everything through him who empowers me." (Philippians 4:13) It is easy to stay in one's comfort zone but the zeal and determination in our heart will wane. We need to have a life mission to live for.
The key is to be filled with Christ's Joy for only then can others see the Light of Christ shine through us. Can you imagine if we Catholics went around looking sullen, arrogant and aloof? Who can we inspire? We just have to look at the apostles - Paul and Silas were so joyful even when they were jailed and whipped! I hope I will have the grace to have that kind of courage. It can only come from the Power and Grace of God, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)
Today 14 February is the 18th Anniversary when my Mum and I first came to attend our first retreat in Divine Retreat Centre. It is the best Valentine's Day gift in my life - a gift from Jesus when He revealed Himself to me in a very personal unforgettable way. From that day, I have a deep conviction that there is so much to live for and so much I need to achieve for the Glory of God. Many of us have experienced this special joy. It is not about recognition from the world or from people knowing what we do in public. The deep fulfilment comes quietly into our hearts when we surrender EVERYTHING into the Hands of God - there is no need for any one to thank us "for we are ordinary servants; we have only done our duty." (Luke 17:10)
There was an issue that was deeply troubling me these past couple of months. I felt distracted because there was no solution I could see to help me resolve it. It was difficult to fully focus on my ministry though I did my best but the anxiety would pop up suddenly in my mind and heart. Until I did something that I have so often heard being proclaimed here in Divine Retreat Centre. I learnt to let go and place my trust in Jesus. I remember the day so clearly - it was 30 January 2016 - when I began to claim these two Promises of God that the troubling issue would be resolved before year-end 2016 by a miracle of God. The two Promises were: From God -""For nothing is impossible for God." (Luke 1:37)
For me - "Nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:21)
When I totally surrendered to God and let my worries and anxieties to be in Jesus' Hands, something wonderful happened. When I least expected it, just one hour into Ash Wednesday (10 February 2016) at around 1.00 a.m., I had a message which resolved my anxiety-inducing problem. Praise God! I was stunned for I knew that this was a solution I would not even begin or dare to pray for! It was a miracle because the other party had no idea of my deep anxiety or worry. God showed me in an amazing way why He is God and truly nothing is impossible for Him! All I did was to believe in the first few bible verses I consciously asked Jesus to reveal for me to memorize His Word. Yes, it took me nearly 12 years in Divine before I asked for this gift from God. For those who do not believe in the Power of God's Word, these were the words from the Bible that spoke to my heart and gave me courage, faith and hope.
"See that you fulfill the ministry that you received in the Lord."
(Colossians 4:17)
"You need endurance to do the will of God and receive what he has promised."
(Hebrews 10:36)
"They that hope in the LORD will renew their strength, they will soar as with eagles wings; they will run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint."
(Isaiah 40:31)
"Yet I consider life of no importance to me, if only I may finish my course of the ministry that I received from the LORD Jesus to bear witness to the gospel of God's grace."
(Acts 20:24)
I joyously shared this good news with my Director that God had answered my prayers so swiftly beyond anything I could expect. I just had to share it with someone! I will always remember in my heart, Fr. Augustine's words of guidance when I shared with Father the first verse I have ever asked God for me to memorize! Father told me with firm conviction, "God will always answer your prayer when you fulfil the ministry He has chosen for you." My heart is in total peace. I have experienced how great God's Love is for me and the affirmation of the Call He has for me. I have received many blessings and graces in my ministry but this miracle is one I will truly treasure. It is a life-changer. There are personal mission initiatives I feel called to do in my heart and there is no age-limit or time-limit in God's Plan. So I know none of us is ever too old or too late to have goals and dreams for the mission Christ has for each of us. Jesus will be with each of us and that is enough - there is no turning back.
in every aspect of life, we can expect God to intervene and help us. It is about letting go of our human will to be in control of our destiny and to remember "We place our destiny in the hands of the Lord, not in the hands of men, because his mercy is as great as his majesty." Our destiny is not in the hands of men. Our destiny is in God." (Sirach 2:18)
On the 18th Anniversary of Jesus knocking on the door of my heart here in Divine Retreat Centre (14 February 1998), I lift my life up to Jesus with deep heartfelt thanksgiving and gratitude for opening the eyes of my heart. On this special day, I share this joyous and uplifting YouTube music video below - "OPEN THE EYES OF MY HEART" by Michael W. Smith with all of you. It is a song I truly love. :)
How time marches on...it seems like it is only a few years but this year, I would be thanking God for my 12th year in full-time ministry in Divine Retreat Centre. I can honestly say these have been years where I felt more joy in being part of the Divine-Potta ministry than all the achievements I had in my 16 years in the corporate world. It has been a life lesson in understanding the phrase - "Happiness is from the outside but joy comes from within."
January is the month when we usually have our Annual Retreat for Preachers, Counsellors & Volunteers who serve in Divine Retreat Centre. This year our retreat which was held from 27-31 January, 2016 was based on the theme - GOD'S MERCY. The theme did not surprise me. After all, Pope Francis declared the Extraordinary Jubilee Year of Mercy - "MERCIFUL LIKE THE FATHER" in the universal Catholic Church that began from 08 December 2015 and will be until 20 November 2016.
First, I would like to share something that I believe is most important for every baptized Catholic to realize. Each one of us is called for a mission by Christ. This means we need to open our hearts to learn and understand what it means to live a vibrant life of faith in the Church, family life, school life, work life and community life - in fact in every aspect of our daily living. We cannot compartmentalize our Catholic faith to only the times we celebrate Holy Mass in church or serve in church ministries. We are always ready to attend training to improve ourselves in our secular jobs (for a very finite life on earth!), I often wonder why it it is so difficult to encourage even Catholics serving fulltime or in church ministries to make it a priority to "be still" for God to work in our hearts and lives for just five days annually in a spiritual retreat. We plan for holidays well in advance but mention a retreat and all sorts of reasons and excuses will abound as to why it is not possible to plan to attend an annual retreat even in one's own city or retreat campus. We are ready to spend time building human relationships at work and in our social circles but to make time to deepen one's relationship with Jesus? That is not a priority. We are very good at asking Jesus for countless personal petitions but it is a one-sided relationship; forJesus rarely has a chance to speak to us as we have no time for Him to do so!
When does God have a chance to speak to our hearts in an intimate way? When will I listen to what God wants of me and not to assume that I know what God wants me to do? The start of our retreat really confirmed to me personally why a retreat is so very important to my spiritual growth. I find the two retreats I attend yearly truly recharges me for my personal ministry. Spiritual discipline comes from God's Wisdom not from my human wisdom. Our retreat began on the importance of each of us to desire and to attain God's Wisdom as we focussed initially upon the Word of God Matthew 9:13 - ""Go and learn what it means that I want mercy and not sacrifice" and on the Book of Wisdom.
What a start to the retreat! I have to confess I never really reflected deeply on this Word of God or on the Book of Wisdom. As I heard ourlay retreat director, Bro. Thomas Paul, begin by stating, "All we need to preach and all we do must be of the Mercy of God", I knew Our Lord's Hand had already begun to mould my heart.
It dawned upon me that Mercy is the Love of God in its highest form because when we are merciful, it is not possible to be judgemental, condemning or lacking in love. I had to examine my heart in all the ways I have the Pharisee-nature to be judgemental and self-righteous instead of being merciful to others. To be honest, even at this early point of the retreat, I realized I needed to truly open my heart for Jesus to give me the graces I needed to be a "Channel of His Mercy". Perhaps that is why I have felt so drawn to Pope Francis as millions of people around the world (Catholics and non-Catholics alike) are too. Pope Francis early on in his pontificate said, "Mercy is the LORD's most powerful message." And in our Holy Father, the Merciful Face of God the Father is being exemplified to each of us. All of us in the Catholic Church worldwide are challenged to be merciful - to stop being within the comfort zone of our own churches and ministries but to reach out to those who really need to hear the Good News of Christ and to experience Christ's Love. It has been something that had been stirring in my heart these past few years and in this retreat, I got the re-confirmation in my heart that it is definitely God's Call to me. Our Lord is revealing His Plan as I pray and discern with spiritual guidance. One of the things I have learnt in my ministry is to have the patience for when it is God's Time to do something. When the time is right, God blesses all the plans.
To be merciful, I have to firstly have a heart and mind filled with God's Wisdom. It is not possible to be so from my human wisdom. Well, to have Godly Wisdom, I need to have a deep, meaningful prayer life so that the Holy Spirit can give me a new understanding in my heart of God's Wisdom. Only then will I experience the radical change needed in me for my transformation.
Jesus' Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:1-11) is a bible passage I have read in my personal meditations and heard many times in the Gospel readings during Holy Masses. Yet, I never understood until this retreat, how Jesus was actually explaining the Ten Commandments not just from the perspective of law (that the Pharisee took pride in following to the letter!) with a focus on "Thou shall not.." to how the Beatitudes begins, "Blessed are the...". The Beatitudes are all about God's Love and Mercy. It is how every Catholic should focus to live our faith so that we can truly say our lives are "Christo-centric".To be honest, only during this retreat, did I realize why the Sermon of the Mount is central to Jesus' teaching! It was like the "scales in the eyes of my heart" fell away so that these Word of God penetrated deep into my soul. "Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy." (Matthew 5:7) is so clear that I cannot expect God's mercy upon me unless I have mercy for others. Well, this is defintely a wake-up call not to take God's Mercy for granted. To think I take it so lightly that God should forgive me when I want Him to but I have not made it my Christian aim to be merciful to others.
Bro. Thomas Paul got us to reflect upon the fact that we are all called to be saints and our work for Christ does not end with what we do here on earth. To be a saint, we will always be working in our eternal life for the salvation of souls. We must have a clear understanding of what we want to do after our death for there will be a lot to do - we need the Wisdom of God!
The main purpose of a Christian is not going to Heaven but the main aim is to bring the Kingdom of God -'Righteousness, Peace and Joy of the Holy Spirit" (cf. Romans 14:17) into our hearts on earth and to continue it in heaven. This Word of God has been real to me for I have seen in the Vincentian Fathers and in my fellow lay volunteers here in Divine that when this Word of God is alive in us, we never feel tired and are full of zeal, peace and joy to do our ministry. After all, where is the Kingdom of God? It is in our heart - yours and mine - for God lives in us. Praise God!
As Catholics, we at times have the tendency to focus on sin because then we need to remember those sins to go and confess them in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. We need to change our perspective and not to focus solely on the sin (punishment) but on the Grace of God we will receive. Let us cling to the Promise of God - "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God." (Matthew 5:3) When we turn to God in repentance, "poor in spirit" means our "nothingness" allows the Grace of God to fill our hearts so that we are spiritually strengthened.
Let us truly heed the call of Pope Francis in "Misericordiae Vultus" - Bull of Indiction of the Extraordinary Jubilee of Mercy - Feast of Divine Mercy (11 April 2015):
13. We want to live this Jubilee Year in light of the Lord’s words: Merciful like the Father.The Evangelist reminds us of the teaching of Jesus who says, “Be merciful just as your Father is merciful” (Lk 6:36). It is a programme of life as demanding as it is rich with joy and peace. Jesus’s command is directed to anyone willing to listen to his voice (cf. Lk 6:27). In order to be capable of mercy, therefore, we must first of all dispose ourselves to listen to the Word of God. This means rediscovering the value of silence in order to meditate on the Word that comes to us. In this way, it will be possible to contemplate God’s mercy and adopt it as our lifestyle.
Wisdom, Faith, Love, Peace, Mercy - in this Jubilee Year of Mercy, I pray for each one of us (myself too) that we will open our hearts and mind for a deep infilling of the Holy Spirit so that we will be a "New Creation" in the image and likeness of Christ. In a world where there is so much hatred, negativity and "bad news", it is only when we share God's Mercy with everyone that the Light of Christ can overcome the darkness in our world. I cannot give up or expect the change for good to be done by others. The change begins first in my heart. For when I can live exemplifying God's Mercy, then I know that God's Love, Peace and Joy is also within me shining out to others. This has been a blessed and enriching retreat which has given me much to ponder and reflect upon over the coming months. i thank God for Bro. Thomas Paul whose joy and zeal for our Lord is so palpable, he is an inspiration!
The words of the late Nelson Mandela who had been a living inspiration to me best captures why God's Mercy should be an intrinsic part of my life from this day on:
"It is what difference we have made to the lives of others
that will determine the significance of the life we lead."
-Nelson Mandela-
May the YouTube music video below, "WE ARE CALLED" by David Haas, touch your heart as it did mine!
The season I love the most - Christmas the most joyous time of the year is just a few weeks away! As the holy season of Advent began, I realized very consciously this year how our hearts should be prepared as we await our Saviour - Jesus who is Divine Love! Is it not a pity that for some reason, it is often only during the season of Christmas that many of us including me, feel a greater openness in our hearts to bring Christ's Hope, Peace, Joy and Love into the lives of others - within our families, friends and when we reach out to the poor, the sick and the marginalized.
I was listening to the beautiful and heart-touching song above "GIVE THIS CHRISTMAS AWAY"by Matthew West (with Amy Grant) and it was truly enlightening and uplifting. Let us make this Christmas a very special one...in a time when there is so much violence, hate and killings around the world, let each of us who are children of God fight back with a Revolution of Divine Love! Jesus - we know Him as Son of God, our Lord, Our Saviour, our Messiah, our Redeemer, our Good Shepherd and so forth. I have been meditating about what Christmas should really mean to me. I began praying for Jesus to speak to my heart about how to celebrate Christmas the way He would want me to.
Jesus our Divine Love! Whenever I picture Jesus in my mind and heart, it is always of the image of Jesus that we have in Divine Retreat Centre. From my very first retreat in Divine in 1998, I distinctly remember the joyful peace I felt in my heart just gazing intently at Jesus with His welcoming arms held high in open joyous welcome and the beautiful, gentle look on His Face. I was mentally, physically and spiritually drained at that time though I did not realize it. I was totally focussed on my career and the only time I had for Jesus was at the Sunday mass where my attention was on everything else but the homily and the reverent worship I should have had for the Eucharistic Celebration. I just felt exhausted until Jesus revealed the greatness of His Love for me and for every person born on this earth. And to think when I first went to Divine Retreat Centre with my mother, we did not even know it was a retreat centre! Until today, I know that was most life-transforming week of my life...finding out personally that Jesus loves me as I am. the How dry and parched my soul was for the Holy Spirit to fill me and the Word of God to enrich me! This is what I hear constantly from many retreatants at the end of their Divine retreat - they feel so uplifted, unburdened and the joy of experiencing Jesus' Love personally is written all over their faces and in the spring in their steps! Life will never be the same for they have a personal God-experience to treasure in their lives. What can we do for this vibrant Divine Love to burn brightly in our hearts so that it will shine through us every day and not just during Christmas?
Many of us have heard one of the most well-known bible verses, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, so that everybody who believes in Him may not die but have eternal life." (John 3:16)This is the greatest Christmas gift God our Father has given to each of us ...to you and to me. Hallelujah! Yet how often do we realize the magnitude of this amazing Promise of God to each of us? I should be celebrating every day of my life in great joy because I have God's Promise of eternal life! Yet I am the first to admit that I often forget of this greatest priceless gift from God. In my daily life, I get irritated, anxious, worried, upset, sad and a variety of other negative emotions at loved ones, friends, colleagues or of wars and violence happening in the world. A number of people have expressed their worry to me that the world was ending and they were afraid as they asked me, "How do we explain why is God allowing all this to happen?" I do not know if any one has the answer that will satisfy every person. For me. I too felt that evil seemed so prevalent in recent years. What can I, a very ordinary Catholic do? What could all of us do this Christmas to make a REAL difference in our world? As I was reflecting what Word of God that Jesus would most want me to share on this blogpost for Christmas, these are the sacred words my eyes fell upon - "'Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, [then] I will enter his house and dine with him, and he with Me. I will give the victor the right to sit with Me on My throne, as I myself first won the victory to sit with My Father on His throne. Whoever has ears ought to hear what the Spirit says to the churches.'" (Revelations 3:20-22) This Word of God says it all. Let us truly open our hearts and our lives to Jesus not only for this Christmas but for every day of our lives! When Divine Love is in our hearts and we share it with everyone else around us, we can change the world to be a better place. The CHANGE begins with me. That is how we can spearhead the Revolution of Divine Love - who Jesus is all about - within our own communities this Christmas. It is time to put aside our judgmental views and attitudes and to put on the mind and attitude of Christ. How can we do this? St. Paul teaches us how to - "Do everything without grumbling or questioning, that you may become blameless and innocent children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine like lights in the world, as you hold on to the word of life." (Philippians 2:14-16) It all begins with our hearts being born again with the humility of Baby Jesus who was born in a broken down manger and wrapped in swaddling cloths. In the weekly Divine retreat, Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C., Director of Divine Retreat Centre, shares in one of his homilies, "To be a true disciple of Jesus, it is not enough that we hear the Word of God, we must live the Word of God. To do this we must pray and wait upon our Lord to show us the way we are to live." I never ever tire of hearing these words because each time I listen to this homily, my heart's resolve is strengthened as well as my zeal to live for Christ. Perhaps I need this weekly reminder to keep me on the right track. :) Let us rejoice with our family, friends, colleagues, neighbours and communities of different races and religions the Joy, Hope & Peace of Christmas - that began when Divine Love came down to earth. The world is our family in Christ for we are only pilgrims on this earth. We are citizens of Heaven! We need to joyously share the blessings we have with our fellow brothers and sisters who are in much greater need - who are marginalized and who are voiceless in their struggles. When we give Christmas away, Jesus our source of Divine Love will fill our hearts with an over-abundance of His Love. Our hearts (and our bank accounts) will never run dry when we share what the Heart of Christmas is all about.
My Mum and her two eldest grandchildren :)
This year, for the first Christmas in 12 years, I will be with my Mum on Christmas Day - 25th December in Malaysia. My siblings (each live in different countries) are all flying back too. I cannot recall when was the last time we had all spent Christmas together. it was likely when I was 11 years old! As we are a big family. From then on we all started studying overseas and then living in different countries. So this Christmas will be truly special for me - celebrating Christmas with my Divine Family during the Christmas Vigil Mass and celebrations and then flying back to Malaysia where I will reach in time for Christmas dinner with my own family. With joy, I thank Jesus for this amazing, wonderful Christmas grace to joyously celebrate with both my families I hold close to my heart. Let Christmas not be just a season to celebrate but rather may the Spirit of Christmas live in our hearts always...so that we can give it away each day!
My Christmas wish for my family, friends, readers of this post and all people of goodwill is that the Heart of Christmas - Jesus our Divine Love - will make each of us
His "shining stars on earth" bringing Hope, Peace & Joy to the world each day!
Below is a YouTube pictorial video, "JOYFUL MEMORIES OF DIVINE CHRISTMAS 2014"set to the heartwarming Christmas song, "HALLELUJAH (LIGHT HAS COME) by BarlowGirls.
We commemorated ALL Souls Day in the Catholic Church yesterday -
02 November. All Souls Day is often very poignant for me - when I
remember the love and joy of the incredible gift God has given me through my
late father, G. D. Alexander, my late sister, Bridget, and my late
brother-in-law, Dusty. All three of them were of different personalities yet in
one thing they were the same - each of them taught me about love, of faith and
the joy of being one family.
Life is a mystery. In early Dec 2007, Fr. Augustine Vallooran
V.C., the Director, here at Divine Retreat Centre asked me to write articles.
It made no sense to me. I remember asking, "Who will read my article,
Father?" His reply was. "I will read your article." I seriously doubted the busiest priest I know in this world would bother to read something I wrote! Needless to
say, I actually thought it was just a way Father may have suddenly thought to
keep me occupied for some unknown reasons. Yet a few days later, I was inspired
to write about my experience of my father, Papa, in his last few months of his
life and my struggle to follow God's Call in my heart. It was my first attempt
to write about how I have experienced God's Love and Presence in my life. From
then, I began to write about one or two articles each month for a readership of
one - Fr. Augustine. It used to puzzle me as the inspiration to write, even to this
day, seems to come out of the blue! Often, I would be busy with some other
work and I would put everything aside to write! Fr. Augustine, while not
knowing I would one day start this personal blog (nearly 3 years later on 21 August 2010), is instrumental with his
Godly wisdom in getting me to reflect on my life experiences in a spiritual
way. I know despite my human struggles that no matter the circumstances, be it
one of joy or sadness, Jesus keeps His Promise to me, "I will never leave
you or forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5)
This month, November, we specially remember all our departed loved
ones who have returned to God. I never thought I would ever share the article I
wrote because it is deeply personal to me. Yet today, as I came into my office,
I felt a strong prompting after I prayed to do so now. So I am sharing my very
first article that I wrote on 09 December 2007 - five months after my father
passed away on my birthday, 01 July 2007.
I am glad that I have begun writing for it most helps me
personally - to realize how much I love Jesus because He is always there for me
even when I have fallen away from Him. Jesus is always faithful and it is His
Love that lifts me up and gives me the courage to pick up my cross and to
follow Him. Fr. Augustine shared in the homily last night, "We are
pilgrims here on earth until we reach our Eternal City in Heaven. Our lives
must be fully committed to God - Christ-centred." To follow Jesus is
not easy but God's Grace will take each of us - you and me - to our
Heavenly Home...where our departed loved ones are now.
Looking back at the past twelve months, it
was a year that I wish could have been a little different. At least, I wished
it had been a little easier for me to handle. Being a fulltime volunteer these
past 3 ½ years, there is no excuse for me to say that the Word of God is not
something I hear proclaimed often or that I have no opportunity to spend time
in personal prayer . This was a year when I spent a number of months back in my
home country. My father’s health took a sudden turn for the worse while I was
home and all of a sudden it dawned on me – I had prayed for my family and done
my best to prepare myself for this painful event – the day was drawing near
when all of us have to say a final goodbye to our most beloved father.
“My
Grace Is All You Need…” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
I have tried to comfort others in times of
sickness and sufferings of their loved ones. Now I was in the same situation. I
had to watch my father as he was weakening, unable to eat solid food, having
extreme difficulty to walk, needing physical assistance, having to bear pain
and suffering. The hardest part of all was to see my father who used to be so
strong and active looking so very dependent and helpless! My mother who had
single-handedly cared for my father after his congestive heart failure in 2000
was obviously made of much stronger stuff than me! She was cheerful, patient
and always there for my father who seemed to want her close by at all times. I
marvelled at the graces God had bestowed on her. After all, to see one’s life
partner of fifty-six years in the final days of his life is not easy – it would
leave a huge gap in her life.
My beloved late Papa and my Mum
My mother often said that whatever she
needed, God always seemed to give her when she prayed for it. After just a few
days, one of her children would always call and give or send her what she would
have been wishing for! It is the fulfilment of God’s promise to each
and every one of us, “When you pray, I will answer you.
When you call to me, I will respond.” (Isaiah 58:9) God was listening to my mother and He was
taking care of her when none of us could be physically around. Yet, the stress
of all the years of being the sole caregiver did catch up and my mother’s
health was also affected during that same period too. I was beside myself with
anxiety and concern for both my parents. To the outside world, many people
commented how calm and strong I was – if only they knew the turmoil within me -
anxiety and the fear. After a few weeks, an inner peace came into my heart and
mind. I remembered the many times I had heard it being told during the homilies
in Divine – God will keep all the promises that He has given us through His
Word, the Bible. At this point, I found somewhere deep within me the ability to
finally let go of my own human instincts that I MUST be with my parents. It was
more important that God was with them at all times!
“God
Loves You, So Don’t Let Anything Worry You Or Frighten You.” (Daniel 10:19)
I remember praying and asking God for
strength as I was totally exhausted and I could not bear to see the rapid
deterioration of my father’s health and my mother’s situation. As I prayed for
my father, God comforted me with this bible message, “I am your God and will take care of you until you are
old and your hair is grey. I made you and will care for you; I will give you
help and rescue you.” (Isaiah 46:1) Do not be afraid – I am with you! (Isaiah
43:5)What
a difference God’s Word made to me! Well, my father was old – 85 and his hair
was grey. I knew then God would never forsake my father who had deep faith in
God and a great devotion to Mother Mary. It was also obvious that it was God’s
Spirit that gave my mother such fortitude.
“Your
Word is a Lamp to Guide Me And A Light For My Path.” (Psalm 119:105)
Then came the real test for me – do I
remain at home or should I return to India to continue my fulltime volunteer
work? I had been praying intensely for three months. The answer was always the
same. God’s gentle voice prompting me to return, ‘I have work for you to do in
India.” I was guided in my decision by many bible verses that just pierced my
heart and I got this bible message constantly, “I have chosen you to be with me.” (Mark 3:14)Looking back now, this was the defining
moment in the path I have chosen for my life. Some of the people closest to me
did not understand how I could choose to leave my father whom I loved so dearly
– knowing that I may not see him alive again. I finally understand
now what Jesus meant when He said, “If
anyone wants to come with me, he must forget self, take up his cross every day,
and follow me.” (Luke 9:23)
There will be a time in all our lives when
Jesus will challenge us to live for Him, to forget our own wants, our needs and
most of all our human love, to fix our gaze on His Face and to place our trust
fully in Him. The words “take up his cross every day, and follow me” suddenly had a new meaning for me. It is not
about me just choosing to serve God when everything was fine or stable in my
life. I had to choose God above everything else – to be able to do God’s Will
in my life every single day. To be able to trust that God loves those I love
dearly more than I could ever love them – and that God will always hold them
close in His embrace and lovingly let them know,“You
are precious To Me.” (Isaiah 43:4) On
Holy Thursday, my father asked to have the Last Sacrament. It was the first
time he had ever asked for it himself. We knew my father’s time on earth was
very limited. Before, we were making sure my father had the Anointing of the
Sick every 6 months.
“This
Day Is Holy; Do Not Be Sad” (1 Esdras 9:53)
On Easter Sunday night (8 April 2007), we
had to rush my father by ambulance to hospital as he had breathing
difficulties. As I was calmly trying to tell him that we had called an
ambulance, he told me, “I do not want to die in hospital. I want to be in my
own home.” I assured him that if he was dying, I would bring him home but this
was just to help him breathe easier. By then, my mother, two sisters and nephew
were all praying for we thought this was the end! Both my eldest and youngest
sisters were in tears but kept it hidden from him. We had to call the other
family members who were overseas. A million thoughts raced through my mind as I
spoke to the Emergency Room doctor while they ran tests on my father, gave him
oxygen and admitted him to the High Dependency Unit. I wished one of my
brothers was with us to be in charge! But the Word of God I felt strongly in my
heart and that echoed in my mind was, “Pray
at all times, be thankful in all circumstances.” (1 Thessalonians 5:17-18) So
we all prayed and thanked God for giving us such a loving and wonderful
father/husband and this prayer really brought us comfort to put my father’s
life in God’s Hands. Surprisingly, we were all very calm. My father was
discharged two days later.
12 April 2007 will always be etched in my
heart – the time I had to say goodbye to my father before I left for India – as
I went into his room alone to gently let him know that I was leaving, for the
first time ever, he showed great distress that I was leaving to return to
India. It is hard to explain but I felt my heart splinter into a million pieces
as I strove not to burst into tears in front of him. I kissed him and hoped
that this would not be the last time I would see him alive – then I quickly
walked out of the room, said a quick loving goodbye to my mother, sisters and
nephew and rushed out. If I had looked back, I knew I would not leave home this
time. It took all the courage I had to “follow Jesus.” I remembered the first
verse of the hymn which has always meant a lot to me when I decided to serve
God fulltime – “I have decided to follow Jesus - No turning back, no turning
back.”
“I
Have Always Loved You.” (Malachi 1:2) God made the last few months of my
father’s life a blessed one – all his children came home from different parts
of the world and cared for him personally. It was a time of great bonding and a
time to show our parents how much we loved them. It took great planning as we
intentionally spaced our visits so that there would always be one of us with
our parents. I realized if I had just stayed home, this precious time each of
us had with our father to love and care for him might not have happened. God in
His Wisdom knew what was best for all of us! Each of us was greatly comforted
by being able to personally take care of my father. We also knew his quiet joy
in having all his children around in his final days.
“I
Will Tell Of God’s Unfailing Love; I Praise Him… (Isaiah 63:7)
By June, it seemed just a matter of time
before my father would be bedridden. None of us wanted him to suffer in this
condition. Medical tests taken showed my father’s vital organs were all
functioning normally. Thus, we were not expecting anything sudden to happen. My
younger sister and her daughter, who was the youngest grandchild, returned home
to USA in the last week of June after a month’s visit – she was the last of the
children to be with him.
Shortly after that, I was working late through
the night one Saturday. When I reached my room, it was already 3.00 a.m. Sunday
- it was my birthday! I sat on my bed and clearly remember my prayer, “O God, I
have only one wish for my birthday. If it is Your Will, please do not make Papa
suffer anymore and do not make him bedridden. Grant him a peaceful and blessed
death. Take him to be with You.” I sat and prayed for quite a while. In the
morning, I had a very cheerful call from my mother who for once actually
remembered my birthday. Usually, I would have to call her to remind her it was
so! She wished me on behalf of both of them. I was happy to hear my Mum
sounding so upbeat.
A few hours later, at exactly at 3.00 p.m.
India time, I received another phone call – it was my mother again. It took me
a moment to grasp what she told me and by then she had put the phone down. All
she said was, “I think Papa has died.” I tried calling back but the line was
busy. I sat stunned thinking, “Papa has died on my birthday! How could that
be?” I did get through finally and by then the medics had confirmed it was
true. My father died very suddenly and peacefully with my mother next to him at
home. It was his last wish to die in his own home and God also answered my
mother’s wish – she always said, “I want to be with Papa till his last moment.
I do not want him to die alone.” How wonderful and great is our Lord for He
honoured my parents’ dearest wishes!! It was about six hours before
the first member of my family could reach home. It was a great blessing that loving
Catholic friends quickly came around to be with my mother and helped her in
making the initial final arrangements. It took me a few minutes to realize that
in exactly twelve hours, God had answered my birthday prayer. I had to call all
my siblings to inform them. I learnt upon my return home that my father would
most likely have been totally bedridden in a few days.
This sad event has deepened my faith in
God. He took care of each and every one of us in the family. None of us have
any regrets now that we did not have our own time with my father. We could care
for him and we could prepare ourselves to let him go to God. I was awed by
God’s great love for me in answering my birthday prayer so promptly. These
bible verses sum up how loving and attentive God is - “But God has indeed heard me; he has listened to my
prayer. I praise God, because he did not reject my prayer or keep back his
constant love from me.”(Psalm 66:19-20)
“Don’t
Be Afraid Or Have Any Doubts…I Will Lead You.” (2 Esdras 16:75)
I believe I have grown up spiritually this
year. Until recently, I thought I had not done much for God this year in terms
of works and that I had really failed Him in some major aspects. However, I
realize as this year now slowly ends, God was and is still working on me. This
painful and difficult year is not a waste – it is in fact the opposite! God has
helped me to examine my life and has gently shown me the areas that I need to
work on so that I can truly follow Him. God also reassures me of His Love and
that He will guide me. Despite all the doubts I will certainly face again in
the future, I hope I will always have the faith and courage to forget my own
desires and will - to pick up my cross daily and to follow Jesus. He will
indeed lead me if I let Him! He will do it for each and every one of us. Are
you ready to live for Christ and to follow Him too?
As we treasure the memories of our
departed loved ones, let us not take our relationships with our loved ones on
earth for granted. Life at times nowadays seems to be just communication on
WhatsApp, Facebook, Twitter and so forth. We do not take the time to show our
love and care for others which takes personal time and effort - a personal
visit, phone calls to our parents and family members and friends, to take the
time to write a personal letter or email to someone dear far away on their
birthday or festive seasons or just to brighten their day. I know I
personally treasure these little things greatly. As I re-read what I first wrote
nearly eight years ago, I feel in my heart the prompting to always have
personal time with Jesus and connection with Him throughout each day AND never
to forget to show my love and care for those who mean greatly to me.
Let us not leave it too late. I hope the beautiful YouTube song below, FATHER'S LOVE by Gary Valenciano, brings back cherished memories of your father's love in your lives too!
It has been a truly intense and anointed two weeks in Divine Retreat Centre - which made my heart experience that our God is truly amazing in how His Good News is proclaimed to people of every age and nation.
It had not been an easy two months for me. There were some personal matters that had me preoccupied and made me feel anxious. Serving in Divine, I have witnessed how so many prayers are miraculously answered...even in my own life! Yet, as an important prayer petition so close to my heart for so many years seem to go on unanswered and seemed to be getting worse, the anxiety that soon it would be too late led me to be very introspective - is Jesus really in control? A few members of our Divine community perhaps sensed it as they asked me why I seemed rather quiet and "different" upon my return to the retreat centre after a 2-month break.
It seemed strange as here i was living and serving in Divine Retreat Centre - the largest Catholic retreat centre in the world, which over 10 years ago had already had its door opened to over 10 million retreatants...and I am having a faith crisis! Is Jesus going to answer this prayer issue so crucial to my loved ones and me? How could I share God's Peace and Comfort to those closest to me if I too was feeling as they did - afraid of what could happen which seemed beyond our control. What could I share of Christ's Hope and Comfort?
EMPOWERED Music Ministry Team from Kuching, Sarawak., Malaysia
It was with this troubled heart that Divine's 10th International POWER 2015 - 'ARISE! SHINE FOR YOUR LIGHT HAS COME" (Isaiah 60:1) began from 27-31 July 2015. On Saturday night (the eve of POWER 2015), during Holy Mass by Friar Stan Fortuna C.F.R., a sudden prompting came in my heart to offer some help to the EMPOWERED Music Ministry team from Kuching, Sarawak (my fellow Malaysians) who were prayerfully leading us in anointed Praise & Worship during the Holy Mass. As it turns out, I am so thankful that I acted upon the prompting in my heart for it made me tangibly experience Jesus' Presence in all the POWER 2015 retreats - the Youth retreat, Couples Retreat and the Children's retreat. I actually spent a good part of 2 days in the Children's retreat and it was one of the most beautiful experience of POWER 2015 for me. Just to witness a glimpse of Jesus' Joy for His little lambs! They are so precious and important to Our Lord!
Above is a delightful video I captured of His Grace Archbishop Christopher Prowse of Canberra, Australia in a joyous celebration at the end of the Children's Holy Mass on the Thursday morning. I know it will be a sacred memory that will forever remain in their hearts...as it will in mine! Archbishop Christopher Prowse brought so much joy with his simplicity, humility and genuine love for people - young and old alike. This is the distinct memory I will treasure in my heart of POWER 2015...in Archbishop Christopher Prowse, Jesus Our Loving Shepherd, was truly in our midst! POWER 2015 is literally a week of intense celebration of the Joy of Jesus in the midst of His people - Youths, Couples, Children & Tiny Tots from India and many other countries around the world. It is a week when there are special retreats for all of them. This year was no different with close to 3000 retreatants in our English campus. To put it mildly, Divine really "ROCKS" with the Joy and Zeal of the thousands of young people and the couples. It is a week when every heart is a young, vibrant heart with a childlike joy bubbling with love for our Lord! I felt uplifted by the tangible Hope and Joy of Jesus that was visible on every person's face from the youngest child to the oldest person I saw on the campus. How could i feel troubled or anxious? I was reminded in a powerful way to always keep my gaze fixed upon the Face of Jesus!
Right after the POWER 2015, it was the special AnnualCALLED...GIFTED...SENT FORTH Retreat for the Formation of Spiritual Leadership of Priests, Religious & Lay Leaders in Ministry. I have attended this retreat every year since 2004 except in 2007 - the year my father passed away. For me, this is the Divine retreat that recharges me in my zeal and in my discernment of where my focus and efforts of my Divine ministry should be. It has always been an uplifting retreat experience but the retreat this year that just ended last Friday (07 August 2015) has been the most blessed and anointed "leadership" retreat experience ever for me.
Rev. Fr. Mathew Naickomparambil V.C. Spearhead of Divine-Potta Ministry
To put it mildly, Rev Fr. Mathew Naickomparambil V.C. - the Spearhead of our Divine-Potta Ministry truly inspired every priest, religious and lay leader attending this retreat. All of us who serve here in Divine are fully aware of the special call Jesus has given to Fr. Mathew and Fr. Mathew's holiness is legendary. I personally always felt that being in the presence of Fr. Mathew, it somehow just seemed that Fr. Mathew lives on a totally different plane (level) than the rest of us. I have been blessed in the past couple of years to be able to assist Fr. Mathew in a ministry project and the moments I spent in the presence of Fr. Mathew have ALWAYS been joyous, uplifting and a great grace of feeling inner peace.
I was truly awed at the great waves of anointing and wisdom of God that flowed through Fr. Mathew to everyone in the retreat hall. For me, it was the first time in my 12 years in Divine, I truly experienced for an ENTIRE week, the amazing ministry and Call of God to Fr.Mathew. I wrote ten years ago in the book, "The Unseen Hand of God - Divine Retreat Centre"- that the first time I spoke to Fr. Mathew for the book interview, I truly felt like Mary sitting at the Feet of Jesus. I felt such joy! I still feel that way every time I see Fr. Mathew for his face always lights up with a huge, fatherly smile when he sees me and my heart and being feels so greatly comforted! It is as if God our Heavenly Father is smiling down from Heaven upon me! Frankly, no one else ever gives me that huge, joyous smile as if I am always a delight to meet. :)
For this retreat, there were 2 priests and 13 lay leaders in ministry from my country, Malaysia and also a priest from Korea. Every one of them yearned to speak and to be blessed by Fr. Mathew as did all the other priests from Sri Lanka and lay leaders from India and other countries. After every session, Fr. Mathew was surrounded by so many retreatants, he looked like a rock star being mobbed! As Fr. Mathew is tall, we could see him clearly towering over everyone else with his huge warm smile patiently listening, blessing and sharing some Godly wisdom with every person who wanted to speak to him. The smile on every retreatant said it all - they experienced the Touch and Love of Jesus through Fr. Mathew. Indeed, Fr. Mathew is truly a Prophet of God in our midst. We are truly blesseed for the Grace to have our faith strengthened and our ministry enlightened so that we will go out to be Christ's Light to the world. I doubt any of us will ever forget the great Grace of God we have experienced in this retreat for our vocation/ministry. Each of us have a call - and we can make a difference to the ends of the earth through our prayers and actions. "For nothing is impossible for God!" (Luke 1:37)
Rev. Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C. Director - Divine Retreat Centre
During this retreat, the anxiety and worry in my heart totally disappeared. Our Director, Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C. gave me some truly Spirit-filled words of advice that took away the fear that has been in my heart for so many years...from the time I came to serve in Divine Retreat Centre. Perhaps the reason the fear seemed to overwhelm me this year was so that finally once and for all, I would finally surrender it all at the Feet of Jesus. Only then, could Jesus heal me from this long-term inner fear. I needed to let go and truly let God be in control.
I feel a great sense of peace and inner strength in my heart that has never been there before now. The proclamation of the Word of God by Fr. Mathew, Fr. Augustine, Fr. Jose Prakash, Jude Antoine and Colin Calmiano helped many of us to be fortified in the Power of God's Spirit to serve Jesus with all our heart, mind and soul. It is hard to explain but there was a very special Anointing and deep Grace of God that each one of us experienced - a personal God-experience. That is is the wonder of this retreat. Every one of us felt a deep joy and a firm resolve to now live our faith with a strong commitment. When we serve God totally trusting in His Goodness and Mercy, He will never forsake anyone - including you and me. We need to be always attuned to listening to the Voice of God in our lives. How much of our daily life do we spend in the Presence of Jesus? We must never be "Marthas" so busy with activities we are doing in the Name of Jesus YET we can never find time each day to receive Jesus in the Holy Eucharist or spend quiet time in personal prayer to discern God's Plan of what I should do. As servants of God, we really should make it a priority to experience an annual retreat to refresh our soul, heart, and mind to discern, "What is it God wants me to do for Him?" Every Christian has this mission so no one can say, I do not need a retreat. If you are on this earth and baptized as a Catholic, you have a mission for Jesus! There is no easy route to heaven. For Jesus said, "Whoever does not carry his own cross and follow me, cannot be my disciple." (Luke 14:27) Each of us will always have a cross - for that is how we become a true disciple of Christ. I realize how I choose to carry my cross of suffering and to unite it with the Cross of Jesus is what will ultimately liberate me for my reward - eternal life.
There is a way to pray and to offer our own cross of suffering for the salvation of our loved ones and the world. This is the great lesson that truly touched my heart when Fr. Mathew and Fr. Augustine shared so eloquently about the Power of Intercessory Prayer, of praying in the Presence of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament daily, of uniting our sufferings with the Sufferings of Jesus for the salvation of others, of being strengthened by the Power of the Holy Spirit through the sanctifying Grace of the Sacraments and living as servants and handmaids of our Lord. Mother Mary should be our model of true discipleship. She exemplified total surrender to the Will of God and full obedience to live the Plan (mission) God entrusted to Her. Mother Mary was the first to receive the Holy Spirit and She was praying with the disciples in the Upper Room when they received the Holy Spirit at Pentecost. The only teaching of Mother Mary in the Holy Bible is,"Do whatever he tells you to." (John 2:5) Indeed, it is precisely what we need to obey and do as true Christians! We too have the Power of God in each of us through Baptism and Confirmation and every time we partake in the Holy Sacraments. When we are united with our Lord, nothing is impossible for us. "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)There are Promises in the Bible where God has assured us we are not alone. One passage that sustains me in moments of worry and anxiety is Isaiah 43:1-5. "Do not be afraid - I am with you!" (Isaiah 43:5) has always given me hope that God is with me. I know that Jesus has called me and He is with me and my loved ones. The YouTube music video below by PLANETSHAKERS - "NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE"truly reflects what I have learnt from the two recent annual retreats here in Divine.
With the Joy of Christ in me, here I am, Lord - ready to do Your Will!
"I'm not gonna live by what I see
I'm not gonna live by what I feel Deep down I know that You're here with me
I know that You can do ANYTHING"
Verse from NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE hymn by PLANETSHAKERS
