GRACE.IS...THE AMOUNT OF LIGHT IN OUR SOULS - POPE FRANCIS

It was raining very heavily yesterday morning when I woke up. I had been feeling very tired these past few weeks and the urge to snuggle under my blanket and sleep a few more hours was almost too tempting. I am so thankful to God I did not - for the mass homily by Rev. Fr. Jacob Arimpoor V.C. not only woke me up physically but woke my heart up! Fr. Jacob was just ordained as a Vincentian priest in December 2013 and is now part of our Divine family in Divine Retreat Centre. 

Have you ever felt that no matter however much you succeed and attain goals in your life, somehow it just is not enough? There is a yearning, an "emptiness" that somehow is not filled? Let me paraphrase some points of Fr. Jacob's touching homily from memory that captured my heart:

• "We are Christians. Every one of us who is baptized has the Grace of God in us. The Word of God says, "God created man and blew His Breath in him." (cf. Genesis 2:7)  All of us have God's Grace in us when we were baptized. "Do you realize God's Grace is already in you? What have you done with God's Grace in you? Touch the lives of others!"

• "The one mission every Christian baptized is given is to make Christ known to others. We are called to reach out to others. If we do not listen to God's Call, there will always be an emptiness in us. Why? It is because God made us for His mission. He did not give us His Grace to cling to it for ourselves. Remember the 'Parable of the Three Servants'? (Matthew 25:14-30) The servant with the one talent did not do anything really wrong - after all he did not steal the talent. Yet, he did not seek to make more talents from what his master gave him. 'Am I doing that  - not sharing God's Grace in me with others?'"

• "'Are  you listening to God?' If you are not, you will never achieve true happiness in life. You will always have an 'emptiness' that can never be filled. It is only when we live our Christian mission in life - why God made us - that we find joy and peace in our lives."

Well, these three points really made me reflect of my own life. I had worked 16 years in the corporate world and I was successful in my field. I remember many people I knew who would comment how lucky I was due to the extensive international business travel I did. Yet, with all the success, I know my heart was yearning for something intangible - at that time I did not know what my heart yearned for. It was essentially my soul wanting me to respond to God. I was immersed in worldly goals.

I was in the international corporate sales management field - hence achieving sales targets was always crucial. As those in sales know, the company will never allow a sales team to rest on its laurels of a great achievement. Every year, the targets will be set higher. I realized one thing as I was climbing up this ladder of corporate success. My job became my identity. I did not have quality time for my own life as more and more projects would be given to me as I was successful in managing and achieving results. Yet quality time for family, friends, especially for myself - to do things that brought me personal joy and satisfaction - was difficult to balance. I felt my job was not listening to my soul - instead it was owning it! What woke me up to the importance of family and loved ones was the sudden death of my second eldest sister. I remember vividly during the funeral wishing I had spent more time with her and to show her how much I loved her. But I made a promise to myself that day - that my parents and my loved ones and doing good would always be more important to me than worldly personal success.

In times of adversity, God opens the eyes of our heart. For me, through my sister's death, I earnestly questioned what my life was all about. It was about six months later that I attended my first Divine retreat. It is then, when I was freed of the burdens and pain in my heart after a beautiful confession, that I clearly heard and understood Jesus' Call to me - my life is His! I continued in my career for another 6 years. Many of us are doing really well in life - great jobs, high salaries, expensive cars and the freedom to go for holidays wherever we want. One question needs to be asked and truly answered - "Do I ever have time to listen to Jesus? Am I constantly aware of His Presence in my life?" In our human ego, we believe it is through our human skills, abilities and talents that we have succeeded. It is not so as God reminds us - "I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the the future you hope for." (Jeremiah 29:11)  We take for granted or are not aware of God's Grace in us that makes all this blessings and successes possible.  

Do not procrastinate in answering God's Call! It is easy to put our career and family life first - but that is wrong. We are created for God by God. God has to be FIRST!  Our only priority is to do God's Will in our lives so that when our short earthly life ends, we can stand at Heaven's gates knowing we did our best answering Christ's Call! God's Grace will help us balance all aspects of our life.

Fr. Mathew Naickomparambil V.C.

Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C. (left) & Fr. Jacob Arimpoor V.C. (right)

When we are open to God's Grace in us, He uses us to reach out to others. I used to be truly amazed in my early years here feeling the great sense of peace and joy whenever I was in the presence and talking to Fr. Mathew Naickomparambil V.C. (Spearhead of Divine-Potta Ministry) and Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C. (Director - Divine Retreat Centre). How was it possible? There were days I would feel stressed and worked up but the moment I was in their presence, it would all just literally flow out of me - and I would be calm and at peace. Often, I had not even discussed what I was feeling! Well, I have been here 10 years now and I still experience it until today. It is not just me - so many people overseas and here in India have had these same personal experiences. What is it? It is definitely what Fr. Jacob said! Fr. Mathew and Fr. Augustine are fully aware of God's Grace in them and their only mission in life is to share Christ with others every moment of their lives. Of course, they are not perfect human beings - none of us are. But their capacity to truly give their life fully in humility and joy for others and to live for Jesus deeply touches the lives of those who know them. Pope Francis said it best, "Grace is not part of consciousness; it is the amount of light in our souls, not knowledge nor reason."

I thank Fr. Jacob for his illuminating homily at Friday's Holy Mass which has inspired me to write this post. I pray that each of us will NOT take Jesus for granted. Let us with open hearts answer God's Call. Let us live each day fully for Jesus. And let us touch the lives of others with the Grace of God in us!

For the first time today, I viewed the YouTube music video below - "LIFESONG" by Casting Crown - which truly affirmed what my heart felt during the homily. May it touch yours too!

"Spread love everywhere you go. 

Let no  one ever come to you without leaving happier."

Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta

THE POWER OF POSITIVE DOING IN NEW EVANGELIZATION

So far, 2014 has been a year when I have done much soul-searching - probably since I will be completing my 10th year with the Divine-Potta ministry in India on 18 June 2014. I just came back two nights ago from a few weeks spent with family and friends in Singapore and Penang, Malaysia. One thing I am sure - I am as surprised as my family and friends of how these 10 years have gone by...

On this trip to Singapore, I was constantly asked about the new Divine Retreat Centre UK - St. Augustine's Abbey in Ramsgate, Kent which was blessed and inaugurated on 16 March 2014. This new retreat centre reinforced in my heart the lesson never to give up when doing God's work and the "Power of Positive Doing" in New Evangelization efforts. 

Pope Francis, just as Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, has taken up soul-inspiring challenge of Blessed Pope John Paul II who first called for a "New Evangelization" in his Encyclical "Redemptoris Missio" on 07 December 1990 - nearly 24 years ago! Blessed Pope John Paul II's 'New Evangelization" is in fact the inspiration of the Vincentian Fathers of the Divine-Potta ministry to proclaim the Word of God through the Divine Television ministry. I too was very drawn by Pope John Paul II as a college student - that each of us as Catholics need to be radical in living our faith. Yet, it is many years later before I began to live a Christ-centred life. I know it was my first Divine retreat experience in 1998 that changed my whole life of what my faith means to me. The Divine retreat was my first personal God-experience that awoke me from my spiritual inertia. I was just essentially a Catholic because I was baptized and my parents ensured we had daily family prayers. For me, it was because of the Divine-Potta's Vincentian Fathers untiring mission of conducting retreats every week of the year since December 1989 that gave me this cherished experience. There are so many priests, religious and lay people involved in missionary work all over the world - in their hometowns, own countries or overseas. Most of them are unknown. What matters is each of them is sharing the Love and Hope of Christ to those in need - Catholics and non-Catholics alike!  Many of us have been touched and transformed by their love, efforts and sacrifices. Yet, what have we done to pass on what we ourselves have been spiritually enriched by? Am I only concerned of knowing, loving and receiving  graces from Jesus in a one-on-one relationship as it is beneficial for me? Am I expecting others to do the New Evangelization efforts - why not me? One question arises above all else - how many of us are willing to actually take part in some "positive doing" for New Evangelization in our parish, country or internationally?  What is it all about?

The New Evangelization is a new type of mission work, for it is directed toward historically Christian countries and people who have heard the Gospel but have not fully responded to it.  The message to be proclaimed is not new, for it is still the never changing Gospel of Jesus Christ but it is new in methods, ardour, and expression.  In large part, this is a missionary effort directed toward the baptized.  One need not look far in society to see many baptized Catholics who no longer practice the faith, who have joined sects or other religions, and even some who, while still practicing the faith, have never made a full and generous adult response to the loving invitation of Christ.  Blessed Pope John Paul II wrote that he sensed “that the moment has come to commit all of the Church’s energies to a new evangelization and to the mission ad gentes.  No believer in Christ, no institution of the Church can avoid this supreme duty: to proclaim Christ to all peoples” (Redemptoris Missio 3). - Excerpt from the Mission of Redeemer Ministries blog.

When I was in the corporate world for 16 years, we often did not embark on any initiatives or projects unless we had most of the resources (funds, human resources, technical expertise, defined customer base), had a clear project plan with a high probability of success and knowing the goals and needs/wants of our customer base. In other words, often the best talents and skills of the company were identified and brought together as a team to ensure success. 

And then I came to be a little part of the Divine-Potta ministry in June 2004. To say it was a shock to my system initially (a few years!) of how the Vincentian Fathers of the Divine-Potta ministry carry out their "Faith in Action" mission projects and initiatives is an understatement. It brought a vivid reminder to me of one of the first Bible verses that had ever pierced my heart - "Show me anyone who has faith without actions. I will show you my faith by my actions." (James 2:18) Here, first and foremost in any ministry project or initiative, what is most important is PRAYER. Nothing and no decision is made without it. Often, steps are only taken after a period of intense prayer and discernment  and the promptings of the Holy Spirit to go forth and to carry out God’s work with total faith and trust. There is no  clear prospect of what the result will be – needless to say, even the resources are scarce and limited when the project or initiative is first thought of. Yet what is important is embracing the "divine" vision God places in our hearts. It may seem impossible but that is when having a Christ-centred faith makes the REAL difference. When God is in charge, He will turn everything to our good. Everyone of us here in our Divine community can probably attest to this Promise of God!

What is crucial is our unwavering faith in God’s Providence.  I always remember that  in my first year in Divine, Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C. shared with me Psalm 121 and the 1^st two verses literally says it all of what spurs on the Divine-Potta ministry – “I look to the mountains; where will my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:1-2) Having witnessed so many mission "miracles" in the Divine-Potta ministry after great tests of faith and obstacles these past 10 years, I now have a very personal and tangible conviction that it is not by human might, human power and human will that brings our mission the joy and great fruit of the charitable and evangelization projects and initiatives. It is the total dependence on God - of knowing that when we place our trust in Jesus, He will send the Holy Spirit to guide, inspire and lead us to great things for the Glory of our Heavenly Father. What is CRUCIAL is the "Power of Positive Doing" - of not waiting endlessly to make sure all the "'i's" are dotted and the "t"s " are crossed, of not being willing to start taking the first step in faith. When we pray faithfully and constantly lift up the "call" we have in our hearts about any project or initiative that has been put into our hearts by God, we must never give up on hope or doubt just as Blessed Pope John Paul II has always exhorted every Catholic - including you and me!

We must reach out to those who feel burdened and need to experience the life-giving Love and Power of Jesus. Most of all, Catholics need to rejoice and celebrate in the fullness of our faith by living God's Word! Just preaching from the pulpit to church-going Catholics is not enough or serving within our comfort zone among like-minded parishioners in our church. Jesus reached out to the outcasts, the sick and the suffering. and those who had no real understanding of who God really is. That is what He wants of each of us to be  - a missionary wherever we are. The question we need to really reflect and act upon is "Am I willing to do this for Jesus?' Jesus did not choose only priests or the successful businessmen and upper echelons of society to be be His disciples. It was just ordinary men and women who believed in Him like the Samaritan Woman by the Well (Gospel of John Chapter 4) - so every one of us is essentially called by Jesus!  What is our honest answer to Pope Francis' question below? 

None of us should assume that because of our position or skills, we should be the ones to lead or spearhead New Evangelization efforts. It is Jesus who places the call in the hearts of those He chooses and it is Jesus who qualifies those whom He calls. To Jesus who is THE Miracle-Maker, why does He need only the best? It is when He chooses the most unlikely people that others can witness the amazing Power of our Lord unfolding and the great anointing of the Holy Spirit. As Blessed Mother Teresa said, she is just a little instrument in God's Hand. That is all God wants - ordinary people like you and me who are willing to answer with an open "servant" heart His Call even when we are not sure what we can do - all Jesus needs is our complete faith and trust in Him and to take the step of faith in action. He will send us many others willing to serve Him when we most need their help and support and at the very least a priest who will lead and guide us spiritually.

The YouTube clip below "The Power of Positive Doing Creed"  by B J Gallagher really captures the essence of how I believe in living my life. One of the nicest comments I have ever received is what a friend told me over dinner in Singapore a week ago about my 10 years serving in Divine. She said, "Susan, one thing I know, you never give up if you believe in something." That was what seems to have touched her heart, I think. Well, that is a blessed grace I am most thankful to God for! More importantly, I have a deep gratitude to God for the people He brings into my life who are willing and share the "call" and "vision" to take on mission initiatives for the glory of God.

"I believe that true happiness and fulfillment comes from serving others,

and I commit to living my life in service and contribution."

B J Gallagher 

2014 RETREAT REFLECTION: HOW CAN I LIVE FOR CHRIST?

   Perhaps no grace is less prayed for, or less cultivated than gentleness.  Indeed it is considered rather as belonging to natural disposition or external manners, than as a Christian virtue; and seldom do we reflect that not to be gentle is sin.   
Bethune

January 2014 has been a month that I will cherish for the rest of my life. It had been pretty hectic over the previous few months that I know I struggled at times to have a meaningful personal prayer time! Well, living in a retreat centre, the huge perk is that even when I was very tired or weary, I could always get an infilling of the Holy Spirit during the weekly retreats conducted every week of the year here in Divine Retreat Centre. It always felt like my "spiritual tanks" got recharged for I would continue my ministry work wholeheartedly.

Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C. (left) and Fr. Rex Pai SJ (right)

However, many of us volunteers who serve in the English Campus had a really wonderful 2014 New Year's gift - we started our 16-day directed Ignatian retreat on 01 January night. For most of us, it was the first time we were attending an Ignatian directed retreat. I know I was really looking forward to this special retreat experience. Last year we had a truly blessed 3-day retreat conducted by Rev. Fr. Rex Pai SJ who was once again our retreat director. Fr. Rex, a former Provincial of the Jesuits in India (in charge of national matters),  is truly an inspiration to all of us. In Fr. Rex, we could see the fruit of what he was trying to teach and guide us during our 16-day directed retreat - a priest who personifies joy, simplicity, acceptance, a non-judgmental and all-inclusive person. He exudes the Love of Jesus and the holy detachment needed to stay truly rooted and grounded in Christ. In fact, what millions of people love about Pope Francis  could be seen in Fr. Rex! It must be their deep commitment in living their Jesuit spirituality.

I found the 20-minute spiritual direction that I had with Fr. Rex every alternate day truly grace-filled moments. I went through the whole gamut of feelings and emotions from yearning to grow closer to God, happiness, frustration, deep repentance, sorrow and by the end a truly "radical" peace and joy in my heart and mind. The reason I say "radical"  is that on my own, I would never have been able to seek and to experience this special inner peace and joy. I really needed this directed retreat at this point of my full-time ministry - which is my 10th year in Divine. More than ever, I truly believe God has a plan for me as per His Promise, "For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)  It is not that I know what lies ahead but in finally accepting at my heart-level that Jesus loves me as I am - despite my weaknesses, sins and mistakes, I am ready to live for whatever Plan God has for me. One of the retreat sessions was on the theme "God says - I delight in you!" As I meditated and prayed about this Word of God - "...let him rescue the one in whom he delights!" (Psalm 22:8), I realized that somehow deep down, I just never really had the confidence that God really loved me unconditionally. Why? Well, because even though God forgave and forgot my sins, I could not do the same. I would think about what I have done wrong and continue to feel sad within my heart that I had done so and let down people I cared for. I had all this unnecessary baggage blocking my heart, my mind and  my soul! 

A major spiritual lesson I learnt in this retreat was about the Goodness of God, the goodness in me and the goodness in each person. It was a process that took deep prayer, meditation and personal soul-searching. I kept a written retreat journal to record my meditations, my thoughts and things that touched me during the retreat days. Being a person who likes to write and reflect on my personal meditation, I could see how the Holy Spirit was guiding and leading me. I could also witness a similar change in many of my brothers and sisters in the Divine community. Some of us have had misunderstandings or irritations with each other which is expected as we live and work together in the same place. But now we are smiling and speaking to each other in a warm and friendly way.  It is such a wonderful and liberating way to live - but obviously I for one needed the "eyes" of my heart to be opened. It is a daily process and the Jesuit Spirituality Exercise - The Examen of Consciousness (not Examination of Conscience) is truly helping me to stay focussed in practicing and focussing on the good in the world, the people I meet, my loved ones, my ministry, and also in how I can improve in the areas that I did not be Christ to others. One thing Fr. Rex said struck a deep chord my heart - "You should not aim to be like Christ to others; You must be Christ to them!" To be so, I must be always conscious of how I live, what I say and what I do. This is definitely not easy but I believe that if I do it one day at a time, I will at least improve a little each day.

If we are open to Jesus, He will pour down His abundant graces in us. All of us felt God's abundant Grace especially during Holy Mass and the nightly Holy Hour of Adoration. One of the bible verses that I got as a vision before I was asked to serve full-time in Divine and which I  used to get often when I prayed about what I should do in my 10 years in Divine is  "I have chosen you to be with me." (Mark 3:14) It used to frustrate me at times. I have often had "conversations" with Jesus which went along these lines..."Yes, Lord, I am here now in Divine. But what do you want me to do?" Perhaps, I am a slow learner. :) It is not about I should be doing for Jesus - after all He is God, He does not need me to do things. Rather, I have been given a great grace to be able to live and serve in Divine Retreat Centre. And Jesus is patiently drawing me closer to Him. God's Word is taking root in my heart so that I can live it more and more.

One Christian virtue that I need to truly practice is gentleness. It is not a virtue I ever gave much thought for. Yet, this is the Christian virtue I need for my life. I realize it is also what is so lacking in our world today. We are all constantly busy and leading hectic lives. We focus on the results of activities and projects we are doing rather than the people we are doing it with. In our goal for efficiency and effectiveness, we are not gentle with others (our colleagues, family members, friends)  and even with ourselves! How many of us take the time to call a relative or friend who is away from loved ones on special occasions or to write a personal note appreciating the person when they least expect it? How often do we thank someone in gratitude for who they are rather than what they do? How often have we forgotten the courtesies and etiquette of good manners now that everyone seems to only write emails or twitter and other social media? Where is the personal touch to remember someone and to visit, meet or call the person - to take a few moments of time? Are we really THAT busy that we absolutely cannot do so? Frankly for me, I know the answer is "No". We push everything to the limit that we forget as human beings, gentleness is one of the most beautiful gift we can share with one another - a gift the other person will treasure. It does not cost anything but it is priceless! 

Jesus is Gentle! Why have I never ever meditated on this beautiful example of Christ to everyone He met? Even to His Death on the Cross, Jesus was Gentle! I feel ashamed that it is only now I realize that to truly reach out to others in Jesus' Name, I need the virtue of gentleness so that I can experience the goodness in all creatures and things both great and small! When I strive for gentleness, I will not be irritated and hot-tempered; I will not be judgmental; I will be joyful; I will be truly appreciative of all my blessings; I will be a person of peace; but most of all I will have the Wisdom and Power of God's Spirit. For God's Word challenges us - "Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near." (Philippians 4:5)

I am so grateful Jesus has blessed me by awakening me from the areas of spiritual blindness in my life. Every retreat I have attended since my first Divine retreat in February 1998 has drawn me closer to God. Each time, my heart feels overwhelmed with Love for Jesus! He has never given up on me and has patiently and lovingly used me for the Glory of His Kingdom. God says, "You are precious to me." (Isaiah 43:4)  - a Promise of Love to every person on earth - whether we are good or bad! He is always waiting to mould us if we welcome Him into our lives. 

Below is the soul-inspiring YouTube music video "POTTER"S HAND" by Hillsong which reminds us Jesus has set us apart and all of our days are in His Hands. Even if we have a strong prayer life and are active in church ministry or apostolate, we must set time aside for a spiritual retreat at least once a year. It is our "soul's holiday" to be replenished and rejuvenated...Jesus is always waiting to use us, fill us, mould us, guide us, walk with us and to lead us - do you have time for Jesus?

I dedicate this post very specially to Fr. Rex Pai SJ - whose spiritual direction transformed my heart and mind - as to how I can choose to live for Christ!

CHRISTMAS - WHEN HOPE WAS BORN IN US...

So many Christmas Days have come and gone by in my life. All I know is one thing – Christmas has always brought a special joy and feeling of hope in my heart that I never experienced on any other day of the year. As a child, I would be so excited when my older sisters and brothers would help my parents put up the Christmas tree, house decorations and make the Christmas crib. In fact years later, until I came to serve in Divine, I would still come back to my parents’ home a couple of days before Christmas and spend most of the hours making the crib and putting up a large Christmas tree and festive lights at home. My parents would often tell me not to bother as they were old now but I always saw their joy when all the twinkling lights on the Christmas tree and the Nativity Crib would make them smile and look young again. Then they would always thank me often expressing the joy of Christmas in our home as the Nativity Crib reminded them of Baby Jesus being born into the world. I believed it truly symbolized Jesus coming into all our hearts.

When we drove home after the Christmas Vigil Mass, the 1^st thing as we drove down the hill was to see all the beautifully lit-up multi-coloured twinkling lights and presents under the Christmas tree in our home through the glass door – which in later years were mainly all for my parents! It was a special time of the year when we could show in a tangible way our deep love for them and to be with them! In our family home, even our family dogs’ house was always festively decorated for Christmas and even they always seem extra joyful and playful sensing that Christmas is a special night and they got special meals and treats too.

Is it necessary to celebrate Christmas and make special efforts to remember what Christmas means in our lives? For me, the answer will always be a resounding “YES” as our hearts welcome anew the TRUE meaning of Christmas – of Baby Jesus being born into the world. Jesus who is Immanuel (“God-with-us”) brought HOPE into humankind’s lives once again – so you and I can now have the chance to live in Heaven eternally. It is our Saviour’s unconditional LOVE for us that He came down to earth that we will all be saved!

Some children  from our Divine Orphanage Homes. The little boy in blue has leukemia.

This year will be my 10th consecutive Christmas that I will celebrate in Divine Retreat Centre here in Kerala, India. It amazes me that I have been serving here for 9 ½ years now! All I can say is my love for the Divine-Potta mission always feels new. Jesus really gives all of us who serve here a great sense of HOPE that together, we can make a difference in the world for Christ! And it is not just for those of us who serve here – we have so many loving supporters of this mission all over India and the world – we are united by our love to proclaim Christ and to care for the marginalized and those most in need in this world. I always remember something I was told by our Director, Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C., –“if our Divine ministry is growing, it is because we proclaim, live and bring the Love and Hope of Jesus to others. When we stop doing that, Susan, God will not give us any more challenges and our ministry will be stagnant and soon no more.” This conversation came about at the early stages of my ministry, as fresh from years in the corporate world, I would at times get nervous seeing all the numerous charitable and evangelization works the Vincentian Fathers in Divine Retreat Centre would take on courageously and without the slightest hint of worry or anxiety. We had no savings in the bank (a very large debt actually!) and no source of income!  Were they not afraid? What if we had to stop these new works because we could not raise the needed funds to run the charitable homes and the evangelization efforts long term - especially Divine TV, our 24-hour commercial-free Catholic Gospel Channel?

Fr. Joseph Edattu V.C (l), Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C. (c) & Fr. Philip Nedumthuruthil V.C. (r)

I know I was very puzzled trying initially to logically grapple with whether these Fathers were just naive and had no concept of the amount of money needed for taking on incredible challenges. Yet, my heart was completely drawn by the great love and hope these Vincentian Fathers had in God’s Providence. “If God is asking us after much prayers to take up this challenge, He will provide.  I do not know how, none of us Fathers know, but we cannot go wrong if we do God’s Will. Remember Psalm 121 says. “I look to the mountains; where will my help come from? My help will come from the LORD, who made heaven and earth . (Psalm121:11-2)” I will never ever forget these words told to me by Fr. Augustine one night in 2006 when there seemed insurmountable obstacles to start Divine TV. 

All I know is that seeing the unshakeable faith and hope of Fr. Augustine who is even today, the “heart” and driving force of the Divine TV ministry, I learnt a HUGE lesson in my faith journey. When we live for Christ, we live with our heart not with our mind (our logic) for Jesus lives in our heart! I see these same great hope and faith with all the Vincentian Fathers here. Today, Divine TV is broadcast in UK, Europe, the Middle East, USA, Canada and India...it can be viewed on the Internet worldwide.  

Perhaps, it should then not surprise anyone who knows me that no ministry challenge that comes in prayer and discerned through prayers and spiritual direction has deterred me once I am convicted in my heart that it is a mission God has entrusted to me. Well. Jesus was a radical in His time. He did not just conform to what was always being done in the world – rather what His Father willed for Him to do! I have seen even in my own personal ministry how Jesus has never made me fail in any initiative once I took it up in faith. At times, it took me years but Our Lord always kept His Promise! I also know I never gave up for my heart was filled with hope that “Nothing is impossible for God.” (Luke 1:37) This Promise of the Word of God is always foremost in my heart. I have learnt never to look and find for the obstacles in doing a mission initiative and rejection from others (people we may count on or who look at things from a worldly perspective). When I feel called by God to do something for His Kingdom. I place my human hope into His Heart so that it is His Hope that now lives in me.

What does our world need from us? What Christmas means – the day Hope was born into our world! I would like to share a recent homily of Pope Francis on “HOPE”:

Speaking at morning Mass (29 October) at Casa Santa Marta, the Pope reflected on the words of St. Paul in which he says: 'Never disappoint yourself'- Hope never lets you down. Why? Said the Pope:“Because it's a gift from the Holy Spirit”. And he continued: Paul tells us that hope has a name. Hope is Christ.

Elaborating on the meaning of hope the Pope said that it creates a tension directed towards the revelation of Jesus Christ, towards true joy that is eternal life.

And referring to the virtues of faith, hope and charity, the Pope said that often the virtue of hope is seen as the most humble of the three, because – he said – it is hidden in life. You can see faith – he added – you can feel it, you know what it is. And charity too – we know what that is. But what is hope? What is this attitude of hope? First of all - he said - we can say it is a risk, a risky virtue – as Saint Paul says: it is a virtue of ardent expectation for the Revelation. "It is not an illusion".

And he continued: “Jesus, the hope, renews everything. So hope is a constant miracle. "The miracle of what He’s doing in the Church. The miracle of making everything new: of what He does in my life, in your life, in our life. He builds and He rebuilds. And that is precisely the reason of our hope". "Christ is the one who renews every wonderful thing of the Creation; He's the reason of our hope. And this hope does not delude because He is faithful. He can't renounce Himself. This is the virtue of hope.”

(Source: CNA News)

I thank Our Lord for allowing me to learn the truth of this message while serving here. With deepest gratitude, I thank God for my parents who instilled in me the seed of my Catholic faith. In their lives, I saw that their deep hope in Jesus was always fulfilled even in their most difficult and sorrowful times. Most of all, I see HOPE with a deep sense of joy and wonder so clearly in the lives of the 3000 members of our Divine Family who are lovingly cared for in the various Divine Homes of Love through Divine Charitable Trust and in our retreat centre.

At the top of this post is a YouTube pictorial video “DIVINE CHRISTMAS 2012 MEMORIES – CHRIST IS OUR HOPE” set to the joyful Don Moen Christmas song – “A Season of Hope”. May the joy you see on the faces of our Divine Family and of Divine’s Christmas Vigil Mass 2012 exemplify the Good News - CHRIST in our lives means HOPE lives in us forever!

“FOR WHAT IS LIFE?” (Philippians 1:21)

“Wake up sleeper,

and rise from death,

and Christ will shine on you.” 

(Ephesians 5:14)

We have just remembered our loved ones who have attained eternal life on All Souls Day (02 November). I have just had two classmates pass away suddenly within a space of 3 months. It has made me remember  a time in my life when I first began to ponder what was the meaning of my life here on earth - now over 22 years ago! Time surely flies...

A strange thing happened to me in 1992. In the midst of a very happy birthday dinner party with about 12 friends, I remember looking around at their faces and suddenly wondering what was in store for each of us in the future. We were from diverse countries - England, Denmark, Hong Kong, USA, Singapore and Malaysia. Would we all go our different ways and just be like passing ships in the night who would have no impact on each other’s lives? Yet in the midst of all the laughter and jokes, I quickly forgot this sudden thought. We all had a very late night – nothing unusual in the fast and hectic lifestyle we had in Hong Kong. I had a challenging career and I loved living in a cosmopolitan city where life was so vibrant.

It was on this particular birthday of mine, upon my return to my apartment, when I heard for the first time, a very soft, gentle voice that pierced me to the core of my heart. It seemed to come from deep within my heart asking me, “Is this all there is to life?” I was completely shaken for two reasons. Firstly, the voice was so unique that until today I cannot find the exact words to describe it. At best, I can only describe it as crystal clear, very gentle and pure and most of all it was soft but very piercing. Secondly, the question really made me think deeply what the meaning of my present life was – was I truly happy? Was I fully satisfied with my life’s goals? Am I making a difference in this world? I could not ignore it. I heard this same voice and question repeated to me about 18 months later during a friend’s Christmas party. Then, I knew I needed to find out the meaning of my life – I hungered for something intangible which I could not identify. It was nearly another 6 years before I even began to realize that it was a "divine" prompting - "the voice of God"!

Each of us needs to take up this challenge – “What is my life all about?” I began to understand what my life should be during my first retreat in Divine in 1998. The first bible verse I read on my first night here before the actual retreat began awakened me from my spiritual inertia. “My brothers, what good is it for someone to say he has faith if his actions do not prove it? (James 2:14) It seemed so straightforward yet I had never ever thought of my faith in these terms! But I had never really ever read the Bible before either. Obviously, God was asking me a very personal question – “What are you living for?”

The answer He wanted me to realize is that my life should proclaim Jesus is my Lord. There is probably no standard way or method to do this that is applicable to each of us. God has made each of us unique and He does not just consider all of us merely as a group. Each of us is like a pearl in God’s eyes – He has said, “You are precious to me.” (Isaiah 43:4) It is also why it is important that each of us look at the Face of Jesus and to earnestly desire to find out what it is He wants of us at that very point of our life. More importantly, we must also learn to let go of what we may have been doing to accept whatever else God wishes us to do.  We have to move out of our “comfort zone” and be open-hearted to live and work for the ultimate glory of God. If we do our best for God, that is all that matters to Him.

Each of us has a distinct call and a mission to accomplish for God. What we need to attain is the spiritual maturity to realize that we do not need the approval of any human being to be pleasing to Jesus. What we need is guidance of the Holy Spirit – to look at our lives and God’s call to each of us with the eyes of faith. Only the Spirit of Wisdom will lead us, guide us and bring joy and contentment to our life. If we work to gain approval from our work superiors, priests, parents or friends, then we will feel discontented, anxious and even envious of others. God’s Love is infinite. Unlike the worldly standards, God is not just looking for the most successful or most popular people to enter His Kingdom. He is inviting, calling and wants EACH and EVERY ONE of us to be with Him. We do not need to be the President, the Chief Executive, a bishop, a preacher, or to hold any other high profile position to be pleasing to God. We can be an illiterate villager, a cleaner, a road worker, or a cook. All we need is an open heart to do what God has called each of us to do for Him -with great love, zeal, joy and to never give up. I am sure heaven has many unknown saints who lived very ordinary lives with an extraordinary love for God and who did His Will.             

I have often contemplated on the fact God has never given up on me until today – despite the many times I have done wrong. I am still a work-in-progress in living for Christ but I hope that one day, like St. Paul, I can confidently declare, “It is no longer I who live but it is Christ who lives in me.” (Galatians 2:20)  At different times in our lives, God gently guides us to learn His Will while teaching us an appropriate life lesson. There is no instant fix-it solution for any of us. God lets us learn by trial and error over our entire lifetime the way to be truly pleasing to Him. The learning process may not always be happy or successful experiences. Often, it is in the moments we consider ourselves a failure, are humiliated or feel let down by those closest to us, that we are being pruned to bear much fruit for God. It is in our deepest moments of despair and sadness that we must find the strength to somehow cling to God and not turn away from Him. As St. Paul said, “We felt the death sentence had been passed on us. But this happened so that we should rely, not in ourselves, but only on God, who raises the dead.” (1 Corinthians 1:9)  Otherwise, despair, bitterness, rejection and anger will drive us even further away from God. If we place our full trust in God, He will show us how to live for Him – slowly and surely.

God is very patient. He knows we will fall but He will pick us up again and again as long as we remain committed to do His Will. If we pray for God’s Wisdom, we will have the virtue of self-control which is crucial to help us put aside our human ego and pride. God can do everything without us – thus, we have to put aside our self-important “I” in living for God. Until and unless we are able to do so, we will feel insecure, dissatisfied and lacking in God’s love while comparing ourselves to others. God has promised, “As for you, even the hairs on your head have all been counted. (Matthew 10:30) Obviously God takes a very personal and active interest in each of us – you and me!

So what is life all about? I believe life is about each of us consciously taking a frank and honest look at our own lives and accepting God’s call to live our faith. We cannot afford to be half-hearted or ambivalent about wanting to live for Christ. “No one can be a slave of two masters.” (Matthew 6:24) A true Christian is one who will never give up doing God’s Will – to love and care for others, to live God’s Word in one’s daily life and who is willing to be corrected or pruned by God for the glory of His Kingdom. We need to be able to recognize and overcome our faults and weaknesses and be thankful for God’s blessings in our lives.

I do not know what God’s Plan is for me or what lies ahead. I pray that He will grant me His Love and Wisdom to fix my gaze upon Him and not let trivial or worldly matters distract me. I know that God has a call and mission for me – just as He has a special and distinct call for YOU! We need to believe that not a day in our life is left unplanned by God. Each of us should have courage, determination and perseverance to do our best for God. “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31) 

I share this truly touching YouTube music video below – JUST LISTEN TO OUR HEARTS by Casting Crowns with Steven Curtis Chapman & Geoff Moore – which best describes how thankful I am to God for prodding my heart from being a lukewarm, Sunday Catholic to a life that has been amazingly uplifted by His Love and Grace. No matter what, this is my only desire in life now…”Lord, listen to my heart!”

"BETTER IS ONE DAY IN YOUR COURTS" (Psalm 84:10) - A LEAP OF FAITH

Nine years ago today, I said "Yes" to the call to serve in Divine Retreat Centre full-time. I remember when, how and where I was asked in Singapore very vividly even after all these years. I was on vacation leave then midway in what I thought would be a 6-month volunteer service. Hence, it brings back  to me the intense memories and feelings as I am once again now in Singapore for a few more days! Last night, I was reading a very insightful 2003 article by  Fr. Warren Sazama S.J. - "What Does It Mean To Say God is Calling Me?"

I smiled to myself as I read Fr. Warren's wisdom-filled advice on answering God's call in our life - his words truly explained my journey of full-time ministry in India. I wished I had read his article in 2004! It was necessary for me to go through doubts and anxiety and search for a deeper understanding within myself to continue to respond fully to God's Call. 

Fr. Warren S.J.'s aricle started with the explanation that "Jesuit Ignatian tradition sees God as actively and personally involved in each of our lives....God is engaged in a lifelong dialog with us. Our role in the dialog is to pay attention, listen, and try to respond."

How true these words resonated in my heart...especially the words "God is in a lifelong dialog with us." God's call to serve is constant and He will not change that - a spiritual advise that I was wisely given by a priest a few years ago.It is necessary to search within our heart how to respond always with trust in fulfilling God's plan for our life. In order to serve Him as per His Will, we need to be always open and ready to do so. This Word of God seems to best explain what God wants of us who are called to serve in full-time ministry, "A soldier on active duty wants to please his commanding officer and so does not get mixed up in the affairs of civilian life." (2 Timothy 2:4)

There are sacrifices we need to make as long as we are part of any ministry for our Lord. We will never know exactly what God wants of us as per a written down plan to the smallest details. We need to pray, meditate on the Word of God and to be led by the Holy Spirit with proper spiritual direction. What is needed of us is to take the leap of faith to believe God is with us every step of the way. I take comfort and strength from one of my favourite bible verses in times I feel anxious or may have doubts about my future - "Do not be afraid - I am with you!" (Isaiah 43:5) 

On this trip to Singapore, I have met up with many friends who are very supportive of our mission work in India and who are very active in their own ministries/apostolate here. It is a great joy and encouragement to be able to support and affirm each other as sisters and brothers in Christ. What is more - we also discover how God does not bring us together without a purpose. He will use us to spread His Love and His Word to the world! 

I have no idea what is God's Plan for my future. But as I was thinking of my life in India, I know in my heart that my life in Divine is priceless and one I will always treasure - "One day spent in your Temple is better than a thousand anywhere else." (Psalm 84:10)  I have been greatly blessed and I am very thankful for this Grace of God. 

The music video below "Better is One Day" by Matt Redman summarizes the joy in my heart on this special day for the opportunity God has given me. The lyrics "For here my heart is satisfied within Your Presence" best articulates the inner peace I always feel upon my return to the retreat centre!

WHEN THE WORLD SAYS "GIVE UP," HOPE WHISPERS, "TRY ONE MORE TIME." (Author Unknown)

Will I ever consider my life is going just the way I had planned it? Am I getting too old to still believe I can accept risks and face personal trials to aspire to achieve for deeply felt dreams in my heart? Well, one thing is for sure - life never gets easier. It is challenging regardless of whichever phase of life or age we are at!

There have been many times I have had people tell me that I am lucky because I do not have to work in the secular world and face all the pressure and challenges of trying to be successful and still living for Christ. I guess looking at those of us who serve as volunteers in a mission, it might seem we are living a life without problems, trials and personal struggles. Yet having worked for 16 years in the corporate world before serving voluntarily now in a mission for over 9 years, neither is easier than the other. Each has its distinct challenges!

While on holiday these past two weeks, I realized two friends in different parts of the world going through very difficult "dark nights of the soul". I really felt it in my heart for them for I know what I go through in my life too. Both my friends are loving, generous and doing their best to faithfully live for Christ in the different Call God has given them. There are moments we question what we have chosen to do in our lives as we try to discern and live God's Will in our life.

I do not think we can ever give a "correct" answer to anyone  - just as I know no one can give an answer to me so that my life and my ministry will be smooth and secure and devoid of anxieties and fears. Why is this so? After much soul-searching, I know going through this "dark nights of the soul" is a way Jesus strengthens and purify  our love to do His Will. The plan God has for me can never be bad for me-or for you! Yet, it is NEVER easy to persevere in our struggles, face the disappointments we will have to undergo and even of the times we know we fail miserably in living the way God wants us to. For some reason, I forget the wonderful moments of joy and peace God has blessed me in my chosen path. Then the question will arise - can I totally dedicate my life to serving Christ? 

My Mum taken last Sunday!

Well, I have been with my mother these past two weeks. It has reminded me how her life has gone through many unplanned and difficult changes/challenges. Yet now in her early eighties, my mother is filled with inner peace. It makes me wonder if I could ever attain this "peace" my Mum has in her life. She has always - even now - firmly believes God is looking after her and her family as long as she places her trust and believes in Jesus' Providence. She is a person who always has Hope in God even when she was an orphan in her early teens and faced many struggles along with my late father in providing a good education for my seven siblings and me. I believe that is why my Mum still has the special peace when we look at her despite the ailments she face due to her age. Only God can give us this blessed inner peace.

I came on this holiday having many things on my mind - a number of it due to questions some close family and friends have in their love and concern for me have asked me of my future over the past few years. Well, one thing I can freely admit...my mind and heart can have such contrasting convictions. The logic of the world and the promise of material security I should aspire for especially for  my "retirement years" cannot be ignored. Yet, so far, I have not yet felt the deep prompting in my heart for God's Call for me to do something different as per His Will in my life. How will I ever know what is God's Will in my life? I was just listening to a talk by our priest director which really touched my heart deeply. Fr. Augustine asked, "How do I know what is best for me? How will I know what is the right plan for my life? I need to wait upon God for that is how God makes us mature in our faith." Father reminded us that is why St. Paul in Romans Chapter 5 says, '"Waiting and suffering will lead us to endurance; endurance to character; character to hope' - a Hope that will never disappoint us!" 

I see the truth of this Promise of the Word of God in my mother. I cannot ignore what I see with my own eyes - I believe it is a clear case of God showing me I NEED to trust in Him with a deep faith that is forged by pain, trials, struggles, joy and zeal. I have seen it on the faces of some of my parents' friends too of a similar age and many others around the world in the golden years of their life. They are just ordinary people - not famous or doing great things as perceived by the world. Yet they are the powerful, shining "Lights of Christ" in our world. If we take  the time to slow down and really take  good look at the people Jesus has put in our lives, we know that there are these special people in our workplace, our missions, our families, our church and in our communities. They are the ones who will be there for us to lift us up - to never give up and to share the beautiful Hope of Jesus to try ONE more time, whatever it takes, to live for Jesus every day of our life

The touching YouTube music video, "THE WORDS I WOULD SAY" by the SIDEWALK PROPHETS spoke to my heart. I hope it does to each of you too!