Perhaps no grace is less prayed for, or less cultivated than gentleness. Indeed it is considered rather as belonging to natural disposition or external manners, than as a Christian virtue; and seldom do we reflect that not to be gentle is sin.
Bethune
January 2014 has been a month that I will cherish for the rest of my life. It had been pretty hectic over the previous few months that I know I struggled at times to have a meaningful personal prayer time! Well, living in a retreat centre, the huge perk is that even when I was very tired or weary, I could always get an infilling of the Holy Spirit during the weekly retreats conducted every week of the year here in Divine Retreat Centre. It always felt like my "spiritual tanks" got recharged for I would continue my ministry work wholeheartedly.
However, many of us volunteers who serve in the English Campus had a really wonderful 2014 New Year's gift - we started our 16-day directed Ignatian retreat on 01 January night. For most of us, it was the first time we were attending an Ignatian directed retreat. I know I was really looking forward to this special retreat experience. Last year we had a truly blessed 3-day retreat conducted by Rev. Fr. Rex Pai SJ who was once again our retreat director. Fr. Rex, a former Provincial of the Jesuits in India (in charge of national matters), is truly an inspiration to all of us. In Fr. Rex, we could see the fruit of what he was trying to teach and guide us during our 16-day directed retreat - a priest who personifies joy, simplicity, acceptance, a non-judgmental and all-inclusive person. He exudes the Love of Jesus and the holy detachment needed to stay truly rooted and grounded in Christ. In fact, what millions of people love about Pope Francis could be seen in Fr. Rex! It must be their deep commitment in living their Jesuit spirituality.
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| Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C. (left) and Fr. Rex Pai SJ (right) |
I found the 20-minute spiritual direction that I had with Fr. Rex every alternate day truly grace-filled moments. I went through the whole gamut of feelings and emotions from yearning to grow closer to God, happiness, frustration, deep repentance, sorrow and by the end a truly "radical" peace and joy in my heart and mind. The reason I say "radical" is that on my own, I would never have been able to seek and to experience this special inner peace and joy. I really needed this directed retreat at this point of my full-time ministry - which is my 10th year in Divine. More than ever, I truly believe God has a plan for me as per His Promise, "For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope." (Jeremiah 29:11) It is not that I know what lies ahead but in finally accepting at my heart-level that Jesus loves me as I am - despite my weaknesses, sins and mistakes, I am ready to live for whatever Plan God has for me. One of the retreat sessions was on the theme "God says - I delight in you!" As I meditated and prayed about this Word of God - "...let him rescue the one in whom he delights!" (Psalm 22:8), I realized that somehow deep down, I just never really had the confidence that God really loved me unconditionally. Why? Well, because even though God forgave and forgot my sins, I could not do the same. I would think about what I have done wrong and continue to feel sad within my heart that I had done so and let down people I cared for. I had all this unnecessary baggage blocking my heart, my mind and my soul!
A major spiritual lesson I learnt in this retreat was about the Goodness of God, the goodness in me and the goodness in each person. It was a process that took deep prayer, meditation and personal soul-searching. I kept a written retreat journal to record my meditations, my thoughts and things that touched me during the retreat days. Being a person who likes to write and reflect on my personal meditation, I could see how the Holy Spirit was guiding and leading me. I could also witness a similar change in many of my brothers and sisters in the Divine community. Some of us have had misunderstandings or irritations with each other which is expected as we live and work together in the same place. But now we are smiling and speaking to each other in a warm and friendly way. It is such a wonderful and liberating way to live - but obviously I for one needed the "eyes" of my heart to be opened. It is a daily process and the Jesuit Spirituality Exercise - The Examen of Consciousness (not Examination of Conscience) is truly helping me to stay focussed in practicing and focussing on the good in the world, the people I meet, my loved ones, my ministry, and also in how I can improve in the areas that I did not be Christ to others. One thing Fr. Rex said struck a deep chord my heart - "You should not aim to be like Christ to others; You must be Christ to them!" To be so, I must be always conscious of how I live, what I say and what I do. This is definitely not easy but I believe that if I do it one day at a time, I will at least improve a little each day.
If we are open to Jesus, He will pour down His abundant graces in us. All of us felt God's abundant Grace especially during Holy Mass and the nightly Holy Hour of Adoration. One of the bible verses that I got as a vision before I was asked to serve full-time in Divine and which I used to get often when I prayed about what I should do in my 10 years in Divine is "I have chosen you to be with me." (Mark 3:14) It used to frustrate me at times. I have often had "conversations" with Jesus which went along these lines..."Yes, Lord, I am here now in Divine. But what do you want me to do?" Perhaps, I am a slow learner. :) It is not about I should be doing for Jesus - after all He is God, He does not need me to do things. Rather, I have been given a great grace to be able to live and serve in Divine Retreat Centre. And Jesus is patiently drawing me closer to Him. God's Word is taking root in my heart so that I can live it more and more.
One Christian virtue that I need to truly practice is gentleness. It is not a virtue I ever gave much thought for. Yet, this is the Christian virtue I need for my life. I realize it is also what is so lacking in our world today. We are all constantly busy and leading hectic lives. We focus on the results of activities and projects we are doing rather than the people we are doing it with. In our goal for efficiency and effectiveness, we are not gentle with others (our colleagues, family members, friends) and even with ourselves! How many of us take the time to call a relative or friend who is away from loved ones on special occasions or to write a personal note appreciating the person when they least expect it? How often do we thank someone in gratitude for who they are rather than what they do? How often have we forgotten the courtesies and etiquette of good manners now that everyone seems to only write emails or twitter and other social media? Where is the personal touch to remember someone and to visit, meet or call the person - to take a few moments of time? Are we really THAT busy that we absolutely cannot do so? Frankly for me, I know the answer is "No". We push everything to the limit that we forget as human beings, gentleness is one of the most beautiful gift we can share with one another - a gift the other person will treasure. It does not cost anything but it is priceless!
Jesus is Gentle! Why have I never ever meditated on this beautiful example of Christ to everyone He met? Even to His Death on the Cross, Jesus was Gentle! I feel ashamed that it is only now I realize that to truly reach out to others in Jesus' Name, I need the virtue of gentleness so that I can experience the goodness in all creatures and things both great and small! When I strive for gentleness, I will not be irritated and hot-tempered; I will not be judgmental; I will be joyful; I will be truly appreciative of all my blessings; I will be a person of peace; but most of all I will have the Wisdom and Power of God's Spirit. For God's Word challenges us - "Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near." (Philippians 4:5)
I am so grateful Jesus has blessed me by awakening me from the areas of spiritual blindness in my life. Every retreat I have attended since my first Divine retreat in February 1998 has drawn me closer to God. Each time, my heart feels overwhelmed with Love for Jesus! He has never given up on me and has patiently and lovingly used me for the Glory of His Kingdom. God says, "You are precious to me." (Isaiah 43:4) - a Promise of Love to every person on earth - whether we are good or bad! He is always waiting to mould us if we welcome Him into our lives.
Below is the soul-inspiring YouTube music video "POTTER"S HAND" by Hillsong which reminds us Jesus has set us apart and all of our days are in His Hands. Even if we have a strong prayer life and are active in church ministry or apostolate, we must set time aside for a spiritual retreat at least once a year. It is our "soul's holiday" to be replenished and rejuvenated...Jesus is always waiting to use us, fill us, mould us, guide us, walk with us and to lead us - do you have time for Jesus?
One Christian virtue that I need to truly practice is gentleness. It is not a virtue I ever gave much thought for. Yet, this is the Christian virtue I need for my life. I realize it is also what is so lacking in our world today. We are all constantly busy and leading hectic lives. We focus on the results of activities and projects we are doing rather than the people we are doing it with. In our goal for efficiency and effectiveness, we are not gentle with others (our colleagues, family members, friends) and even with ourselves! How many of us take the time to call a relative or friend who is away from loved ones on special occasions or to write a personal note appreciating the person when they least expect it? How often do we thank someone in gratitude for who they are rather than what they do? How often have we forgotten the courtesies and etiquette of good manners now that everyone seems to only write emails or twitter and other social media? Where is the personal touch to remember someone and to visit, meet or call the person - to take a few moments of time? Are we really THAT busy that we absolutely cannot do so? Frankly for me, I know the answer is "No". We push everything to the limit that we forget as human beings, gentleness is one of the most beautiful gift we can share with one another - a gift the other person will treasure. It does not cost anything but it is priceless!
Jesus is Gentle! Why have I never ever meditated on this beautiful example of Christ to everyone He met? Even to His Death on the Cross, Jesus was Gentle! I feel ashamed that it is only now I realize that to truly reach out to others in Jesus' Name, I need the virtue of gentleness so that I can experience the goodness in all creatures and things both great and small! When I strive for gentleness, I will not be irritated and hot-tempered; I will not be judgmental; I will be joyful; I will be truly appreciative of all my blessings; I will be a person of peace; but most of all I will have the Wisdom and Power of God's Spirit. For God's Word challenges us - "Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near." (Philippians 4:5)
I am so grateful Jesus has blessed me by awakening me from the areas of spiritual blindness in my life. Every retreat I have attended since my first Divine retreat in February 1998 has drawn me closer to God. Each time, my heart feels overwhelmed with Love for Jesus! He has never given up on me and has patiently and lovingly used me for the Glory of His Kingdom. God says, "You are precious to me." (Isaiah 43:4) - a Promise of Love to every person on earth - whether we are good or bad! He is always waiting to mould us if we welcome Him into our lives.
Below is the soul-inspiring YouTube music video "POTTER"S HAND" by Hillsong which reminds us Jesus has set us apart and all of our days are in His Hands. Even if we have a strong prayer life and are active in church ministry or apostolate, we must set time aside for a spiritual retreat at least once a year. It is our "soul's holiday" to be replenished and rejuvenated...Jesus is always waiting to use us, fill us, mould us, guide us, walk with us and to lead us - do you have time for Jesus?
I dedicate this post very specially to Fr. Rex Pai SJ - whose spiritual direction transformed my heart and mind - as to how I can choose to live for Christ!
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