"BE FEARLESS ON WHAT SETS YOUR SOUL ON FIRE' - Unknown

Last Saturday was my 12th full year of serving in Divine. It really surprised me that I have been here so long for it does not seem so. Well, I have definitely now lived in India longer than in any of the countries I have lived in since i was a teenager in Malaysia! 

Last year was a very testing period for me as I had two falls in which I hurt the back of my skull and my neck and lower back and had a severe bout of viral fever. It was a year where there was lots of enforced bedrest, physiotherapy and acupuncture. Yet as I look back, although it seems incredible now, I still carried out most of my ministry projects despite the throbbing pain of my skull which only stopped hurting this February. It still hurts when I get too tired. I can only give Glory and Praise to God! However, I learnt something priceless in the time of enforced rest. It was hard to concentrate or think too much when one's brain is given a very hard thump twice  exactly six months apart and a few discs on the spine are hitting the nerves. That is when I truly learnt that working on a PC actually places a lot of stress on one's brain as the neurologist pointed out.  :) So what could I do? Well, it was a time of grace for I could only pray for our Divine mission initiatives I held close to my heart and to catch up on spiritual reading. Reading was not easy either as my eyesight was affected too! It was a year when I semed to be praying and meditating more than anyhing else. And I learnt something to treasure always. In having to be still in heart and in my actions, I gained an inner peace and tranquility in my heart and in what I felt called to do. Nowadays, I am more centred in Christ, knowing Jesus will take me through it all. Now I know what it means to "surrender to God" - to let Jesus have "quality time" to teach me stillness of mind, heart and body. It is then I can truly listen and experience His Powerful Presence in my life.

But something wonderful happened last year - despite it all, I was able to complete nearly all the mission projects I had undertaken for 2015. Praise God! 

This year, it has been just the opposite - the fruit of the prayers were answered in remarkable ways. I have been on a Divine Lenten mission to Malaysia & Singapore in March and on a Divine mission initiative in Hong Kong this month. It has been a deeply enriching experience meeting Catholics who thirst to know Jesus more and those who have a deep desire to serve God in a tangible way. If I had any mistaken notion that last year was not productive, this year, it has proven to me the incredible Anointing and Grace that God pours down upon us when we surrender all our plans into His Hands and trust in His Providence.

Being on both these mission initiatives were the fruit of many years of prayers and being patient for God to reveal His Plan. One blessed lesson I have learnt in my ministry here - never to give up even if I do not know how to move forward in the mission initiative our Lord has placed in my heart. I need to wait and pray for Jesus to do it in His Time. This is a point I often hear our Director proclaiming to retreatants every week. More importantly, I witness it so clearly in the major mission works carriend out by the Vincentian Fathers in the Divine-Potta Ministry.  There is always an Attitude of Hope - that "Nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:21) And God's Glory is always manifested in incredible splendour. So how can I not believe in miracles? 

Practically every person I meet will remark how they are touched by the gentleness, peace and joy that they see exemplified in the Directors of our Divine-Potta ministry when they speak to them personally. Even all of us who serve here experience it despite living in their midst for so many years. The answer is simple. Everything that is carried out in this mission is only done after much prayers by the Fathers and in the Light of the Holy Spirit. Hence, there is always the Peace that it is God who is in charge and we have nothing to fear. As I look back at the years I have spent here, I thank Jesus for giving me the great grace to live and learn in a very personal and tangible way His Promise of Hope:

“For I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for.”

(Jeremiah 29:11)

One question I keep getting asked especially when friends know it is now twelve years that I have lived and served in India - the same question i am asked every year. "So when are you planning to return home?" This is a question I just cannot answer. I did not plan to come and serve in Divine. I never even once thought of it until I was asked! And likewise, I cannot plan as to when I will leave the mission. It all depends on God. Two little  prayers I say before I receive Holy Communion sums up how I try to live my life. The prayers are, "Here I am Lord, Your handmaid, I am here to do Your Will." The second prayer is, "Guardian Angel, help me to discern and to do our Lord's Will at all times." This means that I make no plans of my ministry's length of service. I have chosen to entrust my life in God's Hands. Of course, I do have my human worries but it has been the greatest joy in knowing how Jesus shows His Love for me - "You are precious to Me" (Isaiah 43:4) - in special, unexpected ways so I know He is always watching over me. 

Is serving God much easier than working in the secular world? The answer is a definite 'NO". For even more so, there is one command of Jesus we must follow - "If anyone wants wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me."  (Luke 9:23) And how should I follow Jesus? There is only ONE way. " Let us keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from beginning to end."  (Hebrews 12:2)  It is not a simple thing to do as usually we tend to look at one another instead of the Face of God. Yet, I have found that as we pray and meditate on the Word of God and contemplate on the Goodness of God, His Bountiful Grace will fill our hearts and mind. That is how our passion to live for Jesus fills our soul and we are not tired, burnt out and anxious about our ministry or the seeming impossibility of what God is asking of us.   I find that right now, the Fire of God's Spirit burns brighter and deeper in my heart and mind than it did 12 years ago. Much has happened in my life in these years: joy, pain, doubts, frustrations; and every possible emotion one can think of. Is there any security or guarantee for a lay person serving in a ministry? The answer is "NO". So why would I take the so-called risk to serve in a ministry fulltime?  The answer is Jesus! For the love, joy and inner peace in my heart now is something I never experienced even at the height of my career when I had much recognition and was financially secure. There are still some painful issues in my life but I know Jesus will always keep His Promise - "Do not be afraid - I am with you! (Isaiah 43:5) Therein lies THE reason why there is a quiet courage in my heart to answer God's Call with the passion that burns ever-bright in my heart, mind and soul - "I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)

In a week, I will be celebrating my birthday. It brings to my mind vividly an experience that I have not forgotten. Thirteen years ago (in 2003), I had come for my 3rd personal retreat in Divine on my own. I had decided to spend my birthday in the Presence of Jesus. I do not remember anything else of this retreat except TWO lines I heard in the booming voice of Fr. Augustine Vallooran's homily on my birthday. "Remember every day you are one step closer to your tomb! Who and what are you living for?" I was thinking, "Oh God! Is that Your birthday message to me?" I guess it was as I still vividly remember this question on my birthday every single year since then!  I was literally shocked hearing it then. Now it seems amusing how Jesus challenged me to take a good hard look at my life. It was only before I flew back that I shared with Fr. Augustine of my birthday falling during the retreat and of his homily really giving me a jolt.

The YouTube music video above - "SOUL ON FIRE" by THIRD DAY, truly uplifts me when I listen to this song. I thank Jesus for this year He has revealed many Catholics whose souls are on fire to help our Divine-Potta mission proclaim God's Word to the ends of the earth.  

Each of us - you and I - should remember Pope Francis' words below...and be fearless!