The season I love the most - Christmas the most joyous time of the year is just a few weeks away! As the holy season of Advent began, I realized very consciously this year how our hearts should be prepared as we await our Saviour - Jesus who is Divine Love! Is it not a pity that for some reason, it is often only during the season of Christmas that many of us including me, feel a greater openness in our hearts to bring Christ's Hope, Peace, Joy and Love into the lives of others - within our families, friends and when we reach out to the poor, the sick and the marginalized.
I was listening to the beautiful and heart-touching song above "GIVE THIS CHRISTMAS AWAY"by Matthew West (with Amy Grant) and it was truly enlightening and uplifting. Let us make this Christmas a very special one...in a time when there is so much violence, hate and killings around the world, let each of us who are children of God fight back with a Revolution of Divine Love! Jesus - we know Him as Son of God, our Lord, Our Saviour, our Messiah, our Redeemer, our Good Shepherd and so forth. I have been meditating about what Christmas should really mean to me. I began praying for Jesus to speak to my heart about how to celebrate Christmas the way He would want me to.
Jesus our Divine Love! Whenever I picture Jesus in my mind and heart, it is always of the image of Jesus that we have in Divine Retreat Centre. From my very first retreat in Divine in 1998, I distinctly remember the joyful peace I felt in my heart just gazing intently at Jesus with His welcoming arms held high in open joyous welcome and the beautiful, gentle look on His Face. I was mentally, physically and spiritually drained at that time though I did not realize it. I was totally focussed on my career and the only time I had for Jesus was at the Sunday mass where my attention was on everything else but the homily and the reverent worship I should have had for the Eucharistic Celebration. I just felt exhausted until Jesus revealed the greatness of His Love for me and for every person born on this earth. And to think when I first went to Divine Retreat Centre with my mother, we did not even know it was a retreat centre! Until today, I know that was most life-transforming week of my life...finding out personally that Jesus loves me as I am. the How dry and parched my soul was for the Holy Spirit to fill me and the Word of God to enrich me! This is what I hear constantly from many retreatants at the end of their Divine retreat - they feel so uplifted, unburdened and the joy of experiencing Jesus' Love personally is written all over their faces and in the spring in their steps! Life will never be the same for they have a personal God-experience to treasure in their lives. What can we do for this vibrant Divine Love to burn brightly in our hearts so that it will shine through us every day and not just during Christmas?
Many of us have heard one of the most well-known bible verses, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, so that everybody who believes in Him may not die but have eternal life." (John 3:16)This is the greatest Christmas gift God our Father has given to each of us ...to you and to me. Hallelujah! Yet how often do we realize the magnitude of this amazing Promise of God to each of us? I should be celebrating every day of my life in great joy because I have God's Promise of eternal life! Yet I am the first to admit that I often forget of this greatest priceless gift from God. In my daily life, I get irritated, anxious, worried, upset, sad and a variety of other negative emotions at loved ones, friends, colleagues or of wars and violence happening in the world. A number of people have expressed their worry to me that the world was ending and they were afraid as they asked me, "How do we explain why is God allowing all this to happen?" I do not know if any one has the answer that will satisfy every person. For me. I too felt that evil seemed so prevalent in recent years. What can I, a very ordinary Catholic do? What could all of us do this Christmas to make a REAL difference in our world? As I was reflecting what Word of God that Jesus would most want me to share on this blogpost for Christmas, these are the sacred words my eyes fell upon - "'Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, [then] I will enter his house and dine with him, and he with Me. I will give the victor the right to sit with Me on My throne, as I myself first won the victory to sit with My Father on His throne. Whoever has ears ought to hear what the Spirit says to the churches.'" (Revelations 3:20-22) This Word of God says it all. Let us truly open our hearts and our lives to Jesus not only for this Christmas but for every day of our lives! When Divine Love is in our hearts and we share it with everyone else around us, we can change the world to be a better place. The CHANGE begins with me. That is how we can spearhead the Revolution of Divine Love - who Jesus is all about - within our own communities this Christmas. It is time to put aside our judgmental views and attitudes and to put on the mind and attitude of Christ. How can we do this? St. Paul teaches us how to - "Do everything without grumbling or questioning, that you may become blameless and innocent children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine like lights in the world, as you hold on to the word of life." (Philippians 2:14-16) It all begins with our hearts being born again with the humility of Baby Jesus who was born in a broken down manger and wrapped in swaddling cloths. In the weekly Divine retreat, Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C., Director of Divine Retreat Centre, shares in one of his homilies, "To be a true disciple of Jesus, it is not enough that we hear the Word of God, we must live the Word of God. To do this we must pray and wait upon our Lord to show us the way we are to live." I never ever tire of hearing these words because each time I listen to this homily, my heart's resolve is strengthened as well as my zeal to live for Christ. Perhaps I need this weekly reminder to keep me on the right track. :) Let us rejoice with our family, friends, colleagues, neighbours and communities of different races and religions the Joy, Hope & Peace of Christmas - that began when Divine Love came down to earth. The world is our family in Christ for we are only pilgrims on this earth. We are citizens of Heaven! We need to joyously share the blessings we have with our fellow brothers and sisters who are in much greater need - who are marginalized and who are voiceless in their struggles. When we give Christmas away, Jesus our source of Divine Love will fill our hearts with an over-abundance of His Love. Our hearts (and our bank accounts) will never run dry when we share what the Heart of Christmas is all about.
My Mum and her two eldest grandchildren :)
This year, for the first Christmas in 12 years, I will be with my Mum on Christmas Day - 25th December in Malaysia. My siblings (each live in different countries) are all flying back too. I cannot recall when was the last time we had all spent Christmas together. it was likely when I was 11 years old! As we are a big family. From then on we all started studying overseas and then living in different countries. So this Christmas will be truly special for me - celebrating Christmas with my Divine Family during the Christmas Vigil Mass and celebrations and then flying back to Malaysia where I will reach in time for Christmas dinner with my own family. With joy, I thank Jesus for this amazing, wonderful Christmas grace to joyously celebrate with both my families I hold close to my heart. Let Christmas not be just a season to celebrate but rather may the Spirit of Christmas live in our hearts always...so that we can give it away each day!
My Christmas wish for my family, friends, readers of this post and all people of goodwill is that the Heart of Christmas - Jesus our Divine Love - will make each of us
His "shining stars on earth" bringing Hope, Peace & Joy to the world each day!
Below is a YouTube pictorial video, "JOYFUL MEMORIES OF DIVINE CHRISTMAS 2014"set to the heartwarming Christmas song, "HALLELUJAH (LIGHT HAS COME) by BarlowGirls.
We commemorated ALL Souls Day in the Catholic Church yesterday -
02 November. All Souls Day is often very poignant for me - when I
remember the love and joy of the incredible gift God has given me through my
late father, G. D. Alexander, my late sister, Bridget, and my late
brother-in-law, Dusty. All three of them were of different personalities yet in
one thing they were the same - each of them taught me about love, of faith and
the joy of being one family.
Life is a mystery. In early Dec 2007, Fr. Augustine Vallooran
V.C., the Director, here at Divine Retreat Centre asked me to write articles.
It made no sense to me. I remember asking, "Who will read my article,
Father?" His reply was. "I will read your article." I seriously doubted the busiest priest I know in this world would bother to read something I wrote! Needless to
say, I actually thought it was just a way Father may have suddenly thought to
keep me occupied for some unknown reasons. Yet a few days later, I was inspired
to write about my experience of my father, Papa, in his last few months of his
life and my struggle to follow God's Call in my heart. It was my first attempt
to write about how I have experienced God's Love and Presence in my life. From
then, I began to write about one or two articles each month for a readership of
one - Fr. Augustine. It used to puzzle me as the inspiration to write, even to this
day, seems to come out of the blue! Often, I would be busy with some other
work and I would put everything aside to write! Fr. Augustine, while not
knowing I would one day start this personal blog (nearly 3 years later on 21 August 2010), is instrumental with his
Godly wisdom in getting me to reflect on my life experiences in a spiritual
way. I know despite my human struggles that no matter the circumstances, be it
one of joy or sadness, Jesus keeps His Promise to me, "I will never leave
you or forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5)
This month, November, we specially remember all our departed loved
ones who have returned to God. I never thought I would ever share the article I
wrote because it is deeply personal to me. Yet today, as I came into my office,
I felt a strong prompting after I prayed to do so now. So I am sharing my very
first article that I wrote on 09 December 2007 - five months after my father
passed away on my birthday, 01 July 2007.
I am glad that I have begun writing for it most helps me
personally - to realize how much I love Jesus because He is always there for me
even when I have fallen away from Him. Jesus is always faithful and it is His
Love that lifts me up and gives me the courage to pick up my cross and to
follow Him. Fr. Augustine shared in the homily last night, "We are
pilgrims here on earth until we reach our Eternal City in Heaven. Our lives
must be fully committed to God - Christ-centred." To follow Jesus is
not easy but God's Grace will take each of us - you and me - to our
Heavenly Home...where our departed loved ones are now.
Looking back at the past twelve months, it
was a year that I wish could have been a little different. At least, I wished
it had been a little easier for me to handle. Being a fulltime volunteer these
past 3 ½ years, there is no excuse for me to say that the Word of God is not
something I hear proclaimed often or that I have no opportunity to spend time
in personal prayer . This was a year when I spent a number of months back in my
home country. My father’s health took a sudden turn for the worse while I was
home and all of a sudden it dawned on me – I had prayed for my family and done
my best to prepare myself for this painful event – the day was drawing near
when all of us have to say a final goodbye to our most beloved father.
“My
Grace Is All You Need…” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
I have tried to comfort others in times of
sickness and sufferings of their loved ones. Now I was in the same situation. I
had to watch my father as he was weakening, unable to eat solid food, having
extreme difficulty to walk, needing physical assistance, having to bear pain
and suffering. The hardest part of all was to see my father who used to be so
strong and active looking so very dependent and helpless! My mother who had
single-handedly cared for my father after his congestive heart failure in 2000
was obviously made of much stronger stuff than me! She was cheerful, patient
and always there for my father who seemed to want her close by at all times. I
marvelled at the graces God had bestowed on her. After all, to see one’s life
partner of fifty-six years in the final days of his life is not easy – it would
leave a huge gap in her life.
My beloved late Papa and my Mum
My mother often said that whatever she
needed, God always seemed to give her when she prayed for it. After just a few
days, one of her children would always call and give or send her what she would
have been wishing for! It is the fulfilment of God’s promise to each
and every one of us, “When you pray, I will answer you.
When you call to me, I will respond.” (Isaiah 58:9) God was listening to my mother and He was
taking care of her when none of us could be physically around. Yet, the stress
of all the years of being the sole caregiver did catch up and my mother’s
health was also affected during that same period too. I was beside myself with
anxiety and concern for both my parents. To the outside world, many people
commented how calm and strong I was – if only they knew the turmoil within me -
anxiety and the fear. After a few weeks, an inner peace came into my heart and
mind. I remembered the many times I had heard it being told during the homilies
in Divine – God will keep all the promises that He has given us through His
Word, the Bible. At this point, I found somewhere deep within me the ability to
finally let go of my own human instincts that I MUST be with my parents. It was
more important that God was with them at all times!
“God
Loves You, So Don’t Let Anything Worry You Or Frighten You.” (Daniel 10:19)
I remember praying and asking God for
strength as I was totally exhausted and I could not bear to see the rapid
deterioration of my father’s health and my mother’s situation. As I prayed for
my father, God comforted me with this bible message, “I am your God and will take care of you until you are
old and your hair is grey. I made you and will care for you; I will give you
help and rescue you.” (Isaiah 46:1) Do not be afraid – I am with you! (Isaiah
43:5)What
a difference God’s Word made to me! Well, my father was old – 85 and his hair
was grey. I knew then God would never forsake my father who had deep faith in
God and a great devotion to Mother Mary. It was also obvious that it was God’s
Spirit that gave my mother such fortitude.
“Your
Word is a Lamp to Guide Me And A Light For My Path.” (Psalm 119:105)
Then came the real test for me – do I
remain at home or should I return to India to continue my fulltime volunteer
work? I had been praying intensely for three months. The answer was always the
same. God’s gentle voice prompting me to return, ‘I have work for you to do in
India.” I was guided in my decision by many bible verses that just pierced my
heart and I got this bible message constantly, “I have chosen you to be with me.” (Mark 3:14)Looking back now, this was the defining
moment in the path I have chosen for my life. Some of the people closest to me
did not understand how I could choose to leave my father whom I loved so dearly
– knowing that I may not see him alive again. I finally understand
now what Jesus meant when He said, “If
anyone wants to come with me, he must forget self, take up his cross every day,
and follow me.” (Luke 9:23)
There will be a time in all our lives when
Jesus will challenge us to live for Him, to forget our own wants, our needs and
most of all our human love, to fix our gaze on His Face and to place our trust
fully in Him. The words “take up his cross every day, and follow me” suddenly had a new meaning for me. It is not
about me just choosing to serve God when everything was fine or stable in my
life. I had to choose God above everything else – to be able to do God’s Will
in my life every single day. To be able to trust that God loves those I love
dearly more than I could ever love them – and that God will always hold them
close in His embrace and lovingly let them know,“You
are precious To Me.” (Isaiah 43:4) On
Holy Thursday, my father asked to have the Last Sacrament. It was the first
time he had ever asked for it himself. We knew my father’s time on earth was
very limited. Before, we were making sure my father had the Anointing of the
Sick every 6 months.
“This
Day Is Holy; Do Not Be Sad” (1 Esdras 9:53)
On Easter Sunday night (8 April 2007), we
had to rush my father by ambulance to hospital as he had breathing
difficulties. As I was calmly trying to tell him that we had called an
ambulance, he told me, “I do not want to die in hospital. I want to be in my
own home.” I assured him that if he was dying, I would bring him home but this
was just to help him breathe easier. By then, my mother, two sisters and nephew
were all praying for we thought this was the end! Both my eldest and youngest
sisters were in tears but kept it hidden from him. We had to call the other
family members who were overseas. A million thoughts raced through my mind as I
spoke to the Emergency Room doctor while they ran tests on my father, gave him
oxygen and admitted him to the High Dependency Unit. I wished one of my
brothers was with us to be in charge! But the Word of God I felt strongly in my
heart and that echoed in my mind was, “Pray
at all times, be thankful in all circumstances.” (1 Thessalonians 5:17-18) So
we all prayed and thanked God for giving us such a loving and wonderful
father/husband and this prayer really brought us comfort to put my father’s
life in God’s Hands. Surprisingly, we were all very calm. My father was
discharged two days later.
12 April 2007 will always be etched in my
heart – the time I had to say goodbye to my father before I left for India – as
I went into his room alone to gently let him know that I was leaving, for the
first time ever, he showed great distress that I was leaving to return to
India. It is hard to explain but I felt my heart splinter into a million pieces
as I strove not to burst into tears in front of him. I kissed him and hoped
that this would not be the last time I would see him alive – then I quickly
walked out of the room, said a quick loving goodbye to my mother, sisters and
nephew and rushed out. If I had looked back, I knew I would not leave home this
time. It took all the courage I had to “follow Jesus.” I remembered the first
verse of the hymn which has always meant a lot to me when I decided to serve
God fulltime – “I have decided to follow Jesus - No turning back, no turning
back.”
“I
Have Always Loved You.” (Malachi 1:2) God made the last few months of my
father’s life a blessed one – all his children came home from different parts
of the world and cared for him personally. It was a time of great bonding and a
time to show our parents how much we loved them. It took great planning as we
intentionally spaced our visits so that there would always be one of us with
our parents. I realized if I had just stayed home, this precious time each of
us had with our father to love and care for him might not have happened. God in
His Wisdom knew what was best for all of us! Each of us was greatly comforted
by being able to personally take care of my father. We also knew his quiet joy
in having all his children around in his final days.
“I
Will Tell Of God’s Unfailing Love; I Praise Him… (Isaiah 63:7)
By June, it seemed just a matter of time
before my father would be bedridden. None of us wanted him to suffer in this
condition. Medical tests taken showed my father’s vital organs were all
functioning normally. Thus, we were not expecting anything sudden to happen. My
younger sister and her daughter, who was the youngest grandchild, returned home
to USA in the last week of June after a month’s visit – she was the last of the
children to be with him.
Shortly after that, I was working late through
the night one Saturday. When I reached my room, it was already 3.00 a.m. Sunday
- it was my birthday! I sat on my bed and clearly remember my prayer, “O God, I
have only one wish for my birthday. If it is Your Will, please do not make Papa
suffer anymore and do not make him bedridden. Grant him a peaceful and blessed
death. Take him to be with You.” I sat and prayed for quite a while. In the
morning, I had a very cheerful call from my mother who for once actually
remembered my birthday. Usually, I would have to call her to remind her it was
so! She wished me on behalf of both of them. I was happy to hear my Mum
sounding so upbeat.
A few hours later, at exactly at 3.00 p.m.
India time, I received another phone call – it was my mother again. It took me
a moment to grasp what she told me and by then she had put the phone down. All
she said was, “I think Papa has died.” I tried calling back but the line was
busy. I sat stunned thinking, “Papa has died on my birthday! How could that
be?” I did get through finally and by then the medics had confirmed it was
true. My father died very suddenly and peacefully with my mother next to him at
home. It was his last wish to die in his own home and God also answered my
mother’s wish – she always said, “I want to be with Papa till his last moment.
I do not want him to die alone.” How wonderful and great is our Lord for He
honoured my parents’ dearest wishes!! It was about six hours before
the first member of my family could reach home. It was a great blessing that loving
Catholic friends quickly came around to be with my mother and helped her in
making the initial final arrangements. It took me a few minutes to realize that
in exactly twelve hours, God had answered my birthday prayer. I had to call all
my siblings to inform them. I learnt upon my return home that my father would
most likely have been totally bedridden in a few days.
This sad event has deepened my faith in
God. He took care of each and every one of us in the family. None of us have
any regrets now that we did not have our own time with my father. We could care
for him and we could prepare ourselves to let him go to God. I was awed by
God’s great love for me in answering my birthday prayer so promptly. These
bible verses sum up how loving and attentive God is - “But God has indeed heard me; he has listened to my
prayer. I praise God, because he did not reject my prayer or keep back his
constant love from me.”(Psalm 66:19-20)
“Don’t
Be Afraid Or Have Any Doubts…I Will Lead You.” (2 Esdras 16:75)
I believe I have grown up spiritually this
year. Until recently, I thought I had not done much for God this year in terms
of works and that I had really failed Him in some major aspects. However, I
realize as this year now slowly ends, God was and is still working on me. This
painful and difficult year is not a waste – it is in fact the opposite! God has
helped me to examine my life and has gently shown me the areas that I need to
work on so that I can truly follow Him. God also reassures me of His Love and
that He will guide me. Despite all the doubts I will certainly face again in
the future, I hope I will always have the faith and courage to forget my own
desires and will - to pick up my cross daily and to follow Jesus. He will
indeed lead me if I let Him! He will do it for each and every one of us. Are
you ready to live for Christ and to follow Him too?
As we treasure the memories of our
departed loved ones, let us not take our relationships with our loved ones on
earth for granted. Life at times nowadays seems to be just communication on
WhatsApp, Facebook, Twitter and so forth. We do not take the time to show our
love and care for others which takes personal time and effort - a personal
visit, phone calls to our parents and family members and friends, to take the
time to write a personal letter or email to someone dear far away on their
birthday or festive seasons or just to brighten their day. I know I
personally treasure these little things greatly. As I re-read what I first wrote
nearly eight years ago, I feel in my heart the prompting to always have
personal time with Jesus and connection with Him throughout each day AND never
to forget to show my love and care for those who mean greatly to me.
Let us not leave it too late. I hope the beautiful YouTube song below, FATHER'S LOVE by Gary Valenciano, brings back cherished memories of your father's love in your lives too!
It has been a truly intense and anointed two weeks in Divine Retreat Centre - which made my heart experience that our God is truly amazing in how His Good News is proclaimed to people of every age and nation.
It had not been an easy two months for me. There were some personal matters that had me preoccupied and made me feel anxious. Serving in Divine, I have witnessed how so many prayers are miraculously answered...even in my own life! Yet, as an important prayer petition so close to my heart for so many years seem to go on unanswered and seemed to be getting worse, the anxiety that soon it would be too late led me to be very introspective - is Jesus really in control? A few members of our Divine community perhaps sensed it as they asked me why I seemed rather quiet and "different" upon my return to the retreat centre after a 2-month break.
It seemed strange as here i was living and serving in Divine Retreat Centre - the largest Catholic retreat centre in the world, which over 10 years ago had already had its door opened to over 10 million retreatants...and I am having a faith crisis! Is Jesus going to answer this prayer issue so crucial to my loved ones and me? How could I share God's Peace and Comfort to those closest to me if I too was feeling as they did - afraid of what could happen which seemed beyond our control. What could I share of Christ's Hope and Comfort?
EMPOWERED Music Ministry Team from Kuching, Sarawak., Malaysia
It was with this troubled heart that Divine's 10th International POWER 2015 - 'ARISE! SHINE FOR YOUR LIGHT HAS COME" (Isaiah 60:1) began from 27-31 July 2015. On Saturday night (the eve of POWER 2015), during Holy Mass by Friar Stan Fortuna C.F.R., a sudden prompting came in my heart to offer some help to the EMPOWERED Music Ministry team from Kuching, Sarawak (my fellow Malaysians) who were prayerfully leading us in anointed Praise & Worship during the Holy Mass. As it turns out, I am so thankful that I acted upon the prompting in my heart for it made me tangibly experience Jesus' Presence in all the POWER 2015 retreats - the Youth retreat, Couples Retreat and the Children's retreat. I actually spent a good part of 2 days in the Children's retreat and it was one of the most beautiful experience of POWER 2015 for me. Just to witness a glimpse of Jesus' Joy for His little lambs! They are so precious and important to Our Lord!
Above is a delightful video I captured of His Grace Archbishop Christopher Prowse of Canberra, Australia in a joyous celebration at the end of the Children's Holy Mass on the Thursday morning. I know it will be a sacred memory that will forever remain in their hearts...as it will in mine! Archbishop Christopher Prowse brought so much joy with his simplicity, humility and genuine love for people - young and old alike. This is the distinct memory I will treasure in my heart of POWER 2015...in Archbishop Christopher Prowse, Jesus Our Loving Shepherd, was truly in our midst! POWER 2015 is literally a week of intense celebration of the Joy of Jesus in the midst of His people - Youths, Couples, Children & Tiny Tots from India and many other countries around the world. It is a week when there are special retreats for all of them. This year was no different with close to 3000 retreatants in our English campus. To put it mildly, Divine really "ROCKS" with the Joy and Zeal of the thousands of young people and the couples. It is a week when every heart is a young, vibrant heart with a childlike joy bubbling with love for our Lord! I felt uplifted by the tangible Hope and Joy of Jesus that was visible on every person's face from the youngest child to the oldest person I saw on the campus. How could i feel troubled or anxious? I was reminded in a powerful way to always keep my gaze fixed upon the Face of Jesus!
Right after the POWER 2015, it was the special AnnualCALLED...GIFTED...SENT FORTH Retreat for the Formation of Spiritual Leadership of Priests, Religious & Lay Leaders in Ministry. I have attended this retreat every year since 2004 except in 2007 - the year my father passed away. For me, this is the Divine retreat that recharges me in my zeal and in my discernment of where my focus and efforts of my Divine ministry should be. It has always been an uplifting retreat experience but the retreat this year that just ended last Friday (07 August 2015) has been the most blessed and anointed "leadership" retreat experience ever for me.
Rev. Fr. Mathew Naickomparambil V.C. Spearhead of Divine-Potta Ministry
To put it mildly, Rev Fr. Mathew Naickomparambil V.C. - the Spearhead of our Divine-Potta Ministry truly inspired every priest, religious and lay leader attending this retreat. All of us who serve here in Divine are fully aware of the special call Jesus has given to Fr. Mathew and Fr. Mathew's holiness is legendary. I personally always felt that being in the presence of Fr. Mathew, it somehow just seemed that Fr. Mathew lives on a totally different plane (level) than the rest of us. I have been blessed in the past couple of years to be able to assist Fr. Mathew in a ministry project and the moments I spent in the presence of Fr. Mathew have ALWAYS been joyous, uplifting and a great grace of feeling inner peace.
I was truly awed at the great waves of anointing and wisdom of God that flowed through Fr. Mathew to everyone in the retreat hall. For me, it was the first time in my 12 years in Divine, I truly experienced for an ENTIRE week, the amazing ministry and Call of God to Fr.Mathew. I wrote ten years ago in the book, "The Unseen Hand of God - Divine Retreat Centre"- that the first time I spoke to Fr. Mathew for the book interview, I truly felt like Mary sitting at the Feet of Jesus. I felt such joy! I still feel that way every time I see Fr. Mathew for his face always lights up with a huge, fatherly smile when he sees me and my heart and being feels so greatly comforted! It is as if God our Heavenly Father is smiling down from Heaven upon me! Frankly, no one else ever gives me that huge, joyous smile as if I am always a delight to meet. :)
For this retreat, there were 2 priests and 13 lay leaders in ministry from my country, Malaysia and also a priest from Korea. Every one of them yearned to speak and to be blessed by Fr. Mathew as did all the other priests from Sri Lanka and lay leaders from India and other countries. After every session, Fr. Mathew was surrounded by so many retreatants, he looked like a rock star being mobbed! As Fr. Mathew is tall, we could see him clearly towering over everyone else with his huge warm smile patiently listening, blessing and sharing some Godly wisdom with every person who wanted to speak to him. The smile on every retreatant said it all - they experienced the Touch and Love of Jesus through Fr. Mathew. Indeed, Fr. Mathew is truly a Prophet of God in our midst. We are truly blesseed for the Grace to have our faith strengthened and our ministry enlightened so that we will go out to be Christ's Light to the world. I doubt any of us will ever forget the great Grace of God we have experienced in this retreat for our vocation/ministry. Each of us have a call - and we can make a difference to the ends of the earth through our prayers and actions. "For nothing is impossible for God!" (Luke 1:37)
Rev. Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C. Director - Divine Retreat Centre
During this retreat, the anxiety and worry in my heart totally disappeared. Our Director, Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C. gave me some truly Spirit-filled words of advice that took away the fear that has been in my heart for so many years...from the time I came to serve in Divine Retreat Centre. Perhaps the reason the fear seemed to overwhelm me this year was so that finally once and for all, I would finally surrender it all at the Feet of Jesus. Only then, could Jesus heal me from this long-term inner fear. I needed to let go and truly let God be in control.
I feel a great sense of peace and inner strength in my heart that has never been there before now. The proclamation of the Word of God by Fr. Mathew, Fr. Augustine, Fr. Jose Prakash, Jude Antoine and Colin Calmiano helped many of us to be fortified in the Power of God's Spirit to serve Jesus with all our heart, mind and soul. It is hard to explain but there was a very special Anointing and deep Grace of God that each one of us experienced - a personal God-experience. That is is the wonder of this retreat. Every one of us felt a deep joy and a firm resolve to now live our faith with a strong commitment. When we serve God totally trusting in His Goodness and Mercy, He will never forsake anyone - including you and me. We need to be always attuned to listening to the Voice of God in our lives. How much of our daily life do we spend in the Presence of Jesus? We must never be "Marthas" so busy with activities we are doing in the Name of Jesus YET we can never find time each day to receive Jesus in the Holy Eucharist or spend quiet time in personal prayer to discern God's Plan of what I should do. As servants of God, we really should make it a priority to experience an annual retreat to refresh our soul, heart, and mind to discern, "What is it God wants me to do for Him?" Every Christian has this mission so no one can say, I do not need a retreat. If you are on this earth and baptized as a Catholic, you have a mission for Jesus! There is no easy route to heaven. For Jesus said, "Whoever does not carry his own cross and follow me, cannot be my disciple." (Luke 14:27) Each of us will always have a cross - for that is how we become a true disciple of Christ. I realize how I choose to carry my cross of suffering and to unite it with the Cross of Jesus is what will ultimately liberate me for my reward - eternal life.
There is a way to pray and to offer our own cross of suffering for the salvation of our loved ones and the world. This is the great lesson that truly touched my heart when Fr. Mathew and Fr. Augustine shared so eloquently about the Power of Intercessory Prayer, of praying in the Presence of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament daily, of uniting our sufferings with the Sufferings of Jesus for the salvation of others, of being strengthened by the Power of the Holy Spirit through the sanctifying Grace of the Sacraments and living as servants and handmaids of our Lord. Mother Mary should be our model of true discipleship. She exemplified total surrender to the Will of God and full obedience to live the Plan (mission) God entrusted to Her. Mother Mary was the first to receive the Holy Spirit and She was praying with the disciples in the Upper Room when they received the Holy Spirit at Pentecost. The only teaching of Mother Mary in the Holy Bible is,"Do whatever he tells you to." (John 2:5) Indeed, it is precisely what we need to obey and do as true Christians! We too have the Power of God in each of us through Baptism and Confirmation and every time we partake in the Holy Sacraments. When we are united with our Lord, nothing is impossible for us. "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)There are Promises in the Bible where God has assured us we are not alone. One passage that sustains me in moments of worry and anxiety is Isaiah 43:1-5. "Do not be afraid - I am with you!" (Isaiah 43:5) has always given me hope that God is with me. I know that Jesus has called me and He is with me and my loved ones. The YouTube music video below by PLANETSHAKERS - "NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE"truly reflects what I have learnt from the two recent annual retreats here in Divine.
With the Joy of Christ in me, here I am, Lord - ready to do Your Will!
"I'm not gonna live by what I see
I'm not gonna live by what I feel Deep down I know that You're here with me
I know that You can do ANYTHING"
Verse from NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE hymn by PLANETSHAKERS
For every situation that seems a problem or a setback, there is always a Plan of God that truly opens up a deeper layer of appreciating the gift of one's own life. Well, that is what I once again experienced this year. In February, I slipped and had a bad fall with a sharp crack on the back of my skull. Till today, I cannot recall about at least 15 minutes of my life when it did happen. i only recall a fleeting moment at the time of my fall - of lying on the floor looking at my room's window and feeling excruciating pain! However, I do not recall dressing up, locking my room or walking down from my room on the 1st floor or walking to the side stage room of our English retreat hall to ask for help. I was told later that I had walked in very quietly and sat on a chair and a fellow volunteer, Mary, said that I was trembling violently and with great concern she asked me what had happened. It seems all I said was "I had a fall." Well, immediately the volunteers there sprang to action and soon I was being taken to the nearby hospital. To say that I had a really painful skull for the first two months is an understatement - I also had hurt 4 discs on my vertebrae - two discs at the base of my neck and two discs at the base of my spine which were undiagnosed for the first month. Hence, every time I walked, I felt close to fainting after about 2 minutes as the discs were pressing against my nerves.
Well, I do remember one thing distinctly! As I was in the A&E section, I realized I had never ever really thought about my skull nor had I ever thanked God for it or for my brain - to be able to live the blessed life I have. I immediately thanked God for the big thump on my head! I needed it to be finally conscious of thanking God for all He has given me which I took for granted. Sleeping was really difficult for about 3 months as it took that long for the swelling to subside. Till today, I still have some pain on my skull. When I lay my head on the pillow, I will feel the pain and I will be awoken at nights should I change my sleeping position to the right - which I invariably do. I now have an inbuilt reminder to get enough sleep as when I work too long hours, it hurts.
It happened exactly a week before Ash Wednesday, I felt committed to start on some ministry work for the Lenten season. Since my work is mainly Internet-based, that meant I had to work on a PC or laptop. The neuro-physiotherapist told me firmly I was to take complete rest for 1-2 months as it would put great pressure on the brain working on a PC/laptop and on my spine. Well, that is when I found out for myself, how much pressure is actually exerted on the brain working on computers. :) I got the strength from God's Word to continue what I felt so deeply in heart I needed to do - sharing a 7-part Weekly Divine Lenten Video series on the Friends of Divine blog. And what was the Word? It was "My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak." (2 Corinthians 12:9) When I was on my longest-ever vacation in mid-April until mid-June, I found out how many Friends of Divine appreciated the Lenten videos and had shared it with their family and friends too. In lifting my pain to be united as a small Lenten sacrifice of the pain Jesus suffered from His crown of thorns, it was all bearable. Despite the pain in my brain, skull, and back, I was filled with a quiet determination for I could feel Jesus with me in a tangible personal way.
Our April 2015 Family Get-together in Penang
I went on a two-month vacation shortly after Easter. Some of my siblings, my eldest nephew and I had a beautiful 1-week family time with my Mum in Penang, Malaysia. It is not easy as we all now live in different countries. No words can express my feelings of the time I can spend with my Mum...it is like my heart overflows with love for her. I could not do any work as my laptop had its 'demise' there and I had to buy a new one. Then I headed off to Melbourne for nearly a month with my youngest sister, Kathy, and her husband, Guy. It was there I felt a deep prompting in my heart, "Rest, Susan, and I will tell you when to start again." For once, I did that and just rested. I cannot recall ever doing this in my life. And what an amazing experience it was...
Jesse
Chilli
Have you ever stopped your daily routine - I mean really stopped and just relaxed and took time to be in solitude with Jesus and His Creation? It is not something I ever remember consciously doing until this vacation. I spent a lot of time with my sister's two Australian kelpies - Jesse and Chilli. Growing up, we always had a couple of family dogs at least. I found it so de-stressing just playing with the dogs and enjoying the moment - their joys are simple ones. We can learn a lot from dogs. They just live for the present and they openly show their joy and love for the fact that I was with them when Kathy and Guy were busy at the cafe.They would both clamber on my bed every morning. I actually looked forward to our daily walks that I was taken on. Yes, Jesse and Chilli decided I did not really know their daily walking route. In fact the first time I took them for a walk, Chilli pulled me in the opposite direction - he must have wanted to explore!
A beautiful Rainbow!
A radiant Sunset at the Blue Mountains
The Three Sisters formation in Blue Mountains
The cool Melbourne and Sydney weather with birds singing on the trees and flying about and the crisp fresh air soothed my mind and heart - I often sang little hymns in my heart enjoying the beauty of Nature and God's Creation all around me. In the evenings in Melbourne, I enjoyed being with Kathy and Guy who made my time with them so precious and joyful despite their very hectic schedules running le Jolie Cafe. . As the weeks went by, I felt a great peace flowing in me just appreciating and being thankful for the beauty God has created on earth. for the love of my family and close friends and most of all for my life.
clockwise from left - Fr. Joby, Carol, Deane and Fr. Michael
I had the opportunity to attend a Marian retreat with a very close family friend, Carol, at the Divine Retreat Centre Somersby, NSW. It was a great blessing to attend this retreat by Fr. Michael Payyapilly V.C., the Director (he was Asst Director at the Divine Retreat Centre, Kerala, India until February 2012) and Fr. Joby George V.C., the new Asst. Director in DRC Somersby who I was meeting for the first time. The few days I spent with Carol's family and the Vincentian Fathers was priceless - a time I will always treasure. Carol and I had not seen each other for 32 years. I pointed out that was longer than Fr. Joby has been alive! Yet, it was like we were never apart. I am so grateful to God for the lovely stay with Carol in Sydney and also meeting her husband, Deane and elder daughter, Nikita. It was inspiring to hear of Carol and Deane's faith in God. I was also blessed to meet Carol's elder sister, Marie and her brother Xavier on this trip. To meet childhood friends is a special joy that cannot be explained. We have known each other practically from the time we were born as our parents were very close friends. I also had a couple of days with my dearest friend and ex-CX colleague when we were working in Hong Kong - Cathy. Cathy has always brought laughter into my life. She used to make me lighten up and relax and we have so many happy memories of our time in Hong Kong. It never fails to amaze me how when meeting friends close to our hearts, the years and all the different paths our lives have taken just magically disappear. We do not even really care what or who the other person is known as to the world...all that matters is that we are together again.
That is truly what life is about - a life that is of love, joy, hope, of shared memories. Somehow all the painful and sad moments we shared together are all washed away from our memories. It really led me to deep reflection on the ever-burning question in my heart - "How I am really living my life - Am I living life to the fullest?" Do I have time for the people who matter in my life? Can we make a difference in the world by sharing the personal Christian mission God has commissioned us with? I do not know but I have always believed God always has a reason when He brings people together.
It brought me back to an extremely vivid memory of the 3rd Divine retreat which I attended on my own in July 2003 - before I joined Divine Retreat Centre as a full-time volunteer a year later. I do not recall anything else of the preaching or singing during this retreat. Only one memory is engraved in my heart, It was my birthday and, Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C., the Director, preached in a booming voice from the stage - "Every day you are one step closer to your tomb! How are you living your life? Who are you living your life for?" It was like a thunderbolt to my heart. I remember thinking, "Oh my God! Is this the message from God on my birthday that I must remember? That I am going to die one day soon...and I am getting closer to my tomb?" I felt like Jesus was the One asking me these pertinent questions which resound in my heart often even 13 years later to the present. Of course, Fr. Augustine had no idea it was my birthday then!
"Carpe Diem" which means"Seize the day"has been my personal life motto ever since I first heard this phrase in the beautiful Robin William's movie "Dead Poets Society" in 1989. I still use it on my Facebook and on WhatApp profile message. I want to live every moment of my life fully. Does it mean running around doing lots of things? No! I feel it is in giving myself fully to whatever it is I am doing that God is asking of me. It is of loving and appreciating and showing we truly care for our loved ones and more importantly those we do not know (the marginalized, the poor and the suffering) who need us - our time, our talents, our resources, our actions, our prayers and most of all our Christian love. It is to live passionately for the mission God has given each of us - in the exciting moments, joyful moments, painful moments and even the mundane, ordinary moments.
Living life to the full is not about chasing worldly goals and wanting our lives to be exciting, successful and crammed with many different activities. It needs to be a life where God's Gentle Voice can speak to our hearts each day; to see Jesus present in our everyday life. It is about being thankful to God and caring for the world He created for us to live in, for giving each of us the gift of life and the people He brings into our lives. The quote of Pope Paul VI at the top of this post is something every human being should heed. When we live life to the full, there is a fire burning in our hearts and a light in our eyes because our life has a God-given purpose. We will not be irritable and self-centred for our only desire is to do God's Will. I have shared before a message in a homily given by Fr. Augustine which spoke volumes to me -"When your human spirit is aligned with the Holy Spirit, you will not feel any stress; you will not be exhausted or irritable."I thought that explained the amazing stamina and fortitude of the Vincentian Fathers in their priestly ministry in our Divine-Potta ministry. They have no days of rest at all. They find their strength in their union with Christ and doing His Will. I realize I get irritable and worked up when I do not start my day with some quiet time of prayer and reflecting on the Bible - even if it is for just a short while. It is because when I do so my heart is attuned to live for God.
I just recently celebrated my birthday which was also the 8th Anniversary of my father's return to his Eternal Home. Hence, I often spend much time reflecting of life on earth and how to be ready for my eternal journey to Heaven in the lead-up to my birthday. This year, I felt a deep joy from the moment I woke up. It was a wonderful feeling that it was great to be alive! I took it for granted before. I know the fall I had has made me very aware that I have to treasure my life and make sure it makes a difference. Blessed Mother Teresasaid it best - "Live simply so that others may live." Jesus will show us the Way to be the Light to others.
The music video below, "GOOD TO BE ALIVE" by Jason Gray, re-affirmed the zeal I feel in my heart. I came across this video for the first time on my birthday. It is an uplifting hymn that I hope speaks to your heart too!
What can I do? What can you do? What can we do together? Let us reach out;
let us share the Call and mission God has placed in our hearts and
