MY PARENTS' LEGACY...THE VALUE OF THEIR LOVE

I have been thinking of my parents a great deal this past few weeks. Parents are probably God's greatest gift to us for they are the ones who have loved us from the moment we came into this world. Whenever, I see the parents of a newborn child, I see that indescribable love and joy just illuminating their whole face and being! It always makes me realize how beautiful the gift of life is - how it must be protected and treasured. I often wonder whether the dreams and aspirations my parents had in their lives as a newly married couple were fulfilled in their 56 years of marriage. I believe God surely did so from the quiet joy and peace they have had in their golden years!

Nowadays, we do not see big families - most families I know have only about 2 or 3 children. My parents had 8 children! The funny coincidence was that in our church, there were quite a number of families whose parents were my parents' contemporaries  - all having 8 children too. Hence, all of us grew knowing each other as toddlers and as schoolmates! I recently met a childhood friend overseas after nearly 30 years - and both our hearts were filled with so much joy recalling our parents and childhood memories.

What is the value of our parents' love? As I was growing up, I took it for granted. I guess I thought everyone would always love me the way my parents did! Well, needless to say, I learnt over the years that our parents' love is as close to the "unconditional love" of God that we will ever experience. Yet God's Love is incomparable because He loves every SINGLE person whom He created with an UNCONDITIONAL love. "I have loved you with an everlasting love. That is why I have continued to be faithful to you." (Jeremiah 31:3)  I often think how I used to take my parents' love for granted in my younger days - yet their love was the one CONSTANT I could count on - they were always there to support me, to encourage me and to believe in me as I grew up to face life's challenges - most of all they loved me enough to let me go and find my destiny in this world.  

I am not a parent. However, I think to be one must definitely be really difficult. Imagine to nurture each child from a foetus in the mother's womb, to a tiny fragile, helpless newborn baby, to an inquisitive and active child, on to a "self-occupied" teenager and then to see the child become an adult and leading a separate life often far away from home! In my family, seven of us went on to study overseas and as such, once our high school days were over, most of us never went back to live in our hometown or near our parents. We were all living away from each other too. The nucleus of our family were our parents. We used to call our parents and it is from them we knew about each other's lives! It was through my parents that our family bond was kept intact. Our family home was the one place that brought us back to our hometown because that is where our most beloved parents lived!

My father was a person who sacrificed his life for my mother and his 8 children. He was not a rich man but I never remember ever growing up wanting something and not getting it. He was a very hardworking, responsible and upfront person. It is from him that I learnt that integrity was priceless. 

My mother was the "disciplinarian" in our family. I remember getting spanked by her when my younger sister and I got into mischief as we invariably did. She was the one made sure we studied, did our school work, household chores and so forth. More than any person in my life, it is my mother who instilled in me the self-confidence that I could achieve anything if I really wanted to in my heart. It was also from her I learnt to have a love for reading and to learn and try new things. I remember we  learnt about vitamins and health supplements even as children as my Mum would be stuffing us with all these things that she had read about. Some of it was definitely not what I wanted to take and I remember asking all my classmates and no one was having to do so - but that made no difference to my Mum! Years and years later, i am seeing many things that she ensured for us is being touted as the way to bring up children in a healthy way. She was definitely an "innovator" Mum!     

What did we learn from both of them? I know for me I learnt to share and care for  others - obviously since I am from a big family! But it was more than that. My parents were very charitable people but they did not speak about it. It was only when I brought my parents for a visit to their birthplace in India in 1996, that I first learnt of the immense financial help my parents had done to help our relatives in India and even in Singapore! I was astounded hearing  all that from my relatives who I was meeting for the first time! But they were also the same back home to anyone in need. If there is any persons from whom I have learnt much of Jesus' command, "Love one another as I love you"  (John 15:12), it is from my parents. They also always taught us by example to stay true to one's conscience and not to conform and take the easy way out. We had to have the courage to stand up and speak out when needed for what is right in God's eyes.

Both of my parents had difficult and challenging childhoods. My dad's father died when he was very, very young and my Mum was an orphan in her early teens during the Japanese Occupation in Malaysia. Perhaps that is why they were absolutely determined that their children would have the best of everything that they could give us. My father never spent on himself but he made sure my Mum had whatever she wanted for our home and for all his children's needs. In his later years, he would often lovingly chide us his children because we often got him new shirts, perfumes and other personal items which he never spent on himself. We would  tease him that he was looking really "cool" even in his eighties!

Yet the MOST important gift my parents ever instilled in me is FAITH in Jesus. Even as we flew the nest to study overseas, my parents would always remind us to pray. It required tremendous sacrifice on my parents' part to spend their entire life savings for our studies. I remember many of my parents' relatives and friends telling my dad not to send the daughters overseas as "they would get married and it is a waste of your money and how will you both live if you have no savings?" Well, I was the first daughter who was about to go! I overheard my father reply without hesitating - "Whatever our sons get, we will also give to my daughters. To us, they are the same. God will look after us in our old age even if our children will not. We put our trust in God." My Mum who was the one who wanted each of us to study well and be successful has the same deep faith in Jesus. I remember even to this very day how as a teenager then, I felt my heart would explode with love for my parents. I have never forgotten  what I heard all those years ago - and I have tried my best to ensure my parents knew their love for their children was not in vain. I know it is also very much so with all my siblings.

No matter where all of us were, we were never alone. Our parents prayers and faith in Jesus meant Jesus was always with us! Not because we were praying. I know I actually stopped attending Sunday masses for a few years and only did so for Holy Week, Christmas and New Year. And I only really remembered God prior to my exam times.  Yet, whenever we went home, we would still have to say the family prayers every night! My Mum would always leave Catholic spirituality books by my bed as she knew I always  read  while in bed. Whenever I called home, my mother would be asking if I was going to church and if I was praying and she would talk about Jesus! I remember rolling my eyes at the other end and trying to change the topic but all our calls were like that...my Mum reminding me that  both of them were praying for all their children every day to be good and to be protected by Jesus. Well, Jesus was very faithful to my parents too for He really answered all their prayers. "Then you will call upon me and pray to me, and I will listen to you." (Jeremiah 29:12) It is they who first planted the seed of faith in me. 

Like my Mum, my father also had an incredible devotion to Mother Mary and even when he was becoming frail in health, before he passed away at the age of 85, he would attend daily Holy Mass, pray the Holy Rosary a few times a day on his own, the Divine Mercy chaplet and many other of his daily prayers including the Litany to the Saints.  

My mother is also in her eighties now and her prayer life has not diminished with age at all! I truly miss her because I do not get the chance to be with her as I did before. In many ways, it has not been the same since my father passed away - our family home has been sold and my Mum no longer lives in our hometown. As such, now there is even fewer opportunities for the rest of us meet her and each other too. 

My parents visiting me in India in December 2005.

It is why every one of us need to treasure our parents - God's greatest gift of love to us - who in turn gives us the greatest legacy - the gift of faith in Jesus! It is through their faith in Jesus that they can let us go knowing that every child of theirs will never be alone - for Jesus is with us!

For those of you who live close to your parents, never miss any opportunity to be with them. Their love is irreplaceable and parents' love can never be duplicated by anyone else in our lives. Only God loves us more!  

Today is the 6th Anniversary of my father's return to his Heavenly home. I truly miss him  - the special love of a loving father who did his human best to exemplify the love of our Heavenly Father. It is a bittersweet day to remember because it is also my birthday. 

A close friend posted this song below, "YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE" by the Point of Grace band on Facebook two days ago when I was really missing my parents' presence. When I heard the song, it brought back many beautiful memories of my life and how much  my parents mean to me. Most of all, I thank God for the gift of my parents - for in their simple loving lives, they have truly shown me that faith and trust in Jesus is crucial...and prayer is essential to stay connected to God!

PAPA & MUMMY...I LOVE YOU!