CHRISTMAS - WHEN HOPE WAS BORN IN US...

So many Christmas Days have come and gone by in my life. All I know is one thing – Christmas has always brought a special joy and feeling of hope in my heart that I never experienced on any other day of the year. As a child, I would be so excited when my older sisters and brothers would help my parents put up the Christmas tree, house decorations and make the Christmas crib. In fact years later, until I came to serve in Divine, I would still come back to my parents’ home a couple of days before Christmas and spend most of the hours making the crib and putting up a large Christmas tree and festive lights at home. My parents would often tell me not to bother as they were old now but I always saw their joy when all the twinkling lights on the Christmas tree and the Nativity Crib would make them smile and look young again. Then they would always thank me often expressing the joy of Christmas in our home as the Nativity Crib reminded them of Baby Jesus being born into the world. I believed it truly symbolized Jesus coming into all our hearts.

When we drove home after the Christmas Vigil Mass, the 1^st thing as we drove down the hill was to see all the beautifully lit-up multi-coloured twinkling lights and presents under the Christmas tree in our home through the glass door – which in later years were mainly all for my parents! It was a special time of the year when we could show in a tangible way our deep love for them and to be with them! In our family home, even our family dogs’ house was always festively decorated for Christmas and even they always seem extra joyful and playful sensing that Christmas is a special night and they got special meals and treats too.

Is it necessary to celebrate Christmas and make special efforts to remember what Christmas means in our lives? For me, the answer will always be a resounding “YES” as our hearts welcome anew the TRUE meaning of Christmas – of Baby Jesus being born into the world. Jesus who is Immanuel (“God-with-us”) brought HOPE into humankind’s lives once again – so you and I can now have the chance to live in Heaven eternally. It is our Saviour’s unconditional LOVE for us that He came down to earth that we will all be saved!

Some children  from our Divine Orphanage Homes. The little boy in blue has leukemia.

This year will be my 10th consecutive Christmas that I will celebrate in Divine Retreat Centre here in Kerala, India. It amazes me that I have been serving here for 9 ½ years now! All I can say is my love for the Divine-Potta mission always feels new. Jesus really gives all of us who serve here a great sense of HOPE that together, we can make a difference in the world for Christ! And it is not just for those of us who serve here – we have so many loving supporters of this mission all over India and the world – we are united by our love to proclaim Christ and to care for the marginalized and those most in need in this world. I always remember something I was told by our Director, Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C., –“if our Divine ministry is growing, it is because we proclaim, live and bring the Love and Hope of Jesus to others. When we stop doing that, Susan, God will not give us any more challenges and our ministry will be stagnant and soon no more.” This conversation came about at the early stages of my ministry, as fresh from years in the corporate world, I would at times get nervous seeing all the numerous charitable and evangelization works the Vincentian Fathers in Divine Retreat Centre would take on courageously and without the slightest hint of worry or anxiety. We had no savings in the bank (a very large debt actually!) and no source of income!  Were they not afraid? What if we had to stop these new works because we could not raise the needed funds to run the charitable homes and the evangelization efforts long term - especially Divine TV, our 24-hour commercial-free Catholic Gospel Channel?

Fr. Joseph Edattu V.C (l), Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C. (c) & Fr. Philip Nedumthuruthil V.C. (r)

I know I was very puzzled trying initially to logically grapple with whether these Fathers were just naive and had no concept of the amount of money needed for taking on incredible challenges. Yet, my heart was completely drawn by the great love and hope these Vincentian Fathers had in God’s Providence. “If God is asking us after much prayers to take up this challenge, He will provide.  I do not know how, none of us Fathers know, but we cannot go wrong if we do God’s Will. Remember Psalm 121 says. “I look to the mountains; where will my help come from? My help will come from the LORD, who made heaven and earth . (Psalm121:11-2)” I will never ever forget these words told to me by Fr. Augustine one night in 2006 when there seemed insurmountable obstacles to start Divine TV. 

All I know is that seeing the unshakeable faith and hope of Fr. Augustine who is even today, the “heart” and driving force of the Divine TV ministry, I learnt a HUGE lesson in my faith journey. When we live for Christ, we live with our heart not with our mind (our logic) for Jesus lives in our heart! I see these same great hope and faith with all the Vincentian Fathers here. Today, Divine TV is broadcast in UK, Europe, the Middle East, USA, Canada and India...it can be viewed on the Internet worldwide.  

Perhaps, it should then not surprise anyone who knows me that no ministry challenge that comes in prayer and discerned through prayers and spiritual direction has deterred me once I am convicted in my heart that it is a mission God has entrusted to me. Well. Jesus was a radical in His time. He did not just conform to what was always being done in the world – rather what His Father willed for Him to do! I have seen even in my own personal ministry how Jesus has never made me fail in any initiative once I took it up in faith. At times, it took me years but Our Lord always kept His Promise! I also know I never gave up for my heart was filled with hope that “Nothing is impossible for God.” (Luke 1:37) This Promise of the Word of God is always foremost in my heart. I have learnt never to look and find for the obstacles in doing a mission initiative and rejection from others (people we may count on or who look at things from a worldly perspective). When I feel called by God to do something for His Kingdom. I place my human hope into His Heart so that it is His Hope that now lives in me.

What does our world need from us? What Christmas means – the day Hope was born into our world! I would like to share a recent homily of Pope Francis on “HOPE”:

Speaking at morning Mass (29 October) at Casa Santa Marta, the Pope reflected on the words of St. Paul in which he says: 'Never disappoint yourself'- Hope never lets you down. Why? Said the Pope:“Because it's a gift from the Holy Spirit”. And he continued: Paul tells us that hope has a name. Hope is Christ.

Elaborating on the meaning of hope the Pope said that it creates a tension directed towards the revelation of Jesus Christ, towards true joy that is eternal life.

And referring to the virtues of faith, hope and charity, the Pope said that often the virtue of hope is seen as the most humble of the three, because – he said – it is hidden in life. You can see faith – he added – you can feel it, you know what it is. And charity too – we know what that is. But what is hope? What is this attitude of hope? First of all - he said - we can say it is a risk, a risky virtue – as Saint Paul says: it is a virtue of ardent expectation for the Revelation. "It is not an illusion".

And he continued: “Jesus, the hope, renews everything. So hope is a constant miracle. "The miracle of what He’s doing in the Church. The miracle of making everything new: of what He does in my life, in your life, in our life. He builds and He rebuilds. And that is precisely the reason of our hope". "Christ is the one who renews every wonderful thing of the Creation; He's the reason of our hope. And this hope does not delude because He is faithful. He can't renounce Himself. This is the virtue of hope.”

(Source: CNA News)

I thank Our Lord for allowing me to learn the truth of this message while serving here. With deepest gratitude, I thank God for my parents who instilled in me the seed of my Catholic faith. In their lives, I saw that their deep hope in Jesus was always fulfilled even in their most difficult and sorrowful times. Most of all, I see HOPE with a deep sense of joy and wonder so clearly in the lives of the 3000 members of our Divine Family who are lovingly cared for in the various Divine Homes of Love through Divine Charitable Trust and in our retreat centre.

At the top of this post is a YouTube pictorial video “DIVINE CHRISTMAS 2012 MEMORIES – CHRIST IS OUR HOPE” set to the joyful Don Moen Christmas song – “A Season of Hope”. May the joy you see on the faces of our Divine Family and of Divine’s Christmas Vigil Mass 2012 exemplify the Good News - CHRIST in our lives means HOPE lives in us forever!

“FOR WHAT IS LIFE?” (Philippians 1:21)

“Wake up sleeper,

and rise from death,

and Christ will shine on you.” 

(Ephesians 5:14)

We have just remembered our loved ones who have attained eternal life on All Souls Day (02 November). I have just had two classmates pass away suddenly within a space of 3 months. It has made me remember  a time in my life when I first began to ponder what was the meaning of my life here on earth - now over 22 years ago! Time surely flies...

A strange thing happened to me in 1992. In the midst of a very happy birthday dinner party with about 12 friends, I remember looking around at their faces and suddenly wondering what was in store for each of us in the future. We were from diverse countries - England, Denmark, Hong Kong, USA, Singapore and Malaysia. Would we all go our different ways and just be like passing ships in the night who would have no impact on each other’s lives? Yet in the midst of all the laughter and jokes, I quickly forgot this sudden thought. We all had a very late night – nothing unusual in the fast and hectic lifestyle we had in Hong Kong. I had a challenging career and I loved living in a cosmopolitan city where life was so vibrant.

It was on this particular birthday of mine, upon my return to my apartment, when I heard for the first time, a very soft, gentle voice that pierced me to the core of my heart. It seemed to come from deep within my heart asking me, “Is this all there is to life?” I was completely shaken for two reasons. Firstly, the voice was so unique that until today I cannot find the exact words to describe it. At best, I can only describe it as crystal clear, very gentle and pure and most of all it was soft but very piercing. Secondly, the question really made me think deeply what the meaning of my present life was – was I truly happy? Was I fully satisfied with my life’s goals? Am I making a difference in this world? I could not ignore it. I heard this same voice and question repeated to me about 18 months later during a friend’s Christmas party. Then, I knew I needed to find out the meaning of my life – I hungered for something intangible which I could not identify. It was nearly another 6 years before I even began to realize that it was a "divine" prompting - "the voice of God"!

Each of us needs to take up this challenge – “What is my life all about?” I began to understand what my life should be during my first retreat in Divine in 1998. The first bible verse I read on my first night here before the actual retreat began awakened me from my spiritual inertia. “My brothers, what good is it for someone to say he has faith if his actions do not prove it? (James 2:14) It seemed so straightforward yet I had never ever thought of my faith in these terms! But I had never really ever read the Bible before either. Obviously, God was asking me a very personal question – “What are you living for?”

The answer He wanted me to realize is that my life should proclaim Jesus is my Lord. There is probably no standard way or method to do this that is applicable to each of us. God has made each of us unique and He does not just consider all of us merely as a group. Each of us is like a pearl in God’s eyes – He has said, “You are precious to me.” (Isaiah 43:4) It is also why it is important that each of us look at the Face of Jesus and to earnestly desire to find out what it is He wants of us at that very point of our life. More importantly, we must also learn to let go of what we may have been doing to accept whatever else God wishes us to do.  We have to move out of our “comfort zone” and be open-hearted to live and work for the ultimate glory of God. If we do our best for God, that is all that matters to Him.

Each of us has a distinct call and a mission to accomplish for God. What we need to attain is the spiritual maturity to realize that we do not need the approval of any human being to be pleasing to Jesus. What we need is guidance of the Holy Spirit – to look at our lives and God’s call to each of us with the eyes of faith. Only the Spirit of Wisdom will lead us, guide us and bring joy and contentment to our life. If we work to gain approval from our work superiors, priests, parents or friends, then we will feel discontented, anxious and even envious of others. God’s Love is infinite. Unlike the worldly standards, God is not just looking for the most successful or most popular people to enter His Kingdom. He is inviting, calling and wants EACH and EVERY ONE of us to be with Him. We do not need to be the President, the Chief Executive, a bishop, a preacher, or to hold any other high profile position to be pleasing to God. We can be an illiterate villager, a cleaner, a road worker, or a cook. All we need is an open heart to do what God has called each of us to do for Him -with great love, zeal, joy and to never give up. I am sure heaven has many unknown saints who lived very ordinary lives with an extraordinary love for God and who did His Will.             

I have often contemplated on the fact God has never given up on me until today – despite the many times I have done wrong. I am still a work-in-progress in living for Christ but I hope that one day, like St. Paul, I can confidently declare, “It is no longer I who live but it is Christ who lives in me.” (Galatians 2:20)  At different times in our lives, God gently guides us to learn His Will while teaching us an appropriate life lesson. There is no instant fix-it solution for any of us. God lets us learn by trial and error over our entire lifetime the way to be truly pleasing to Him. The learning process may not always be happy or successful experiences. Often, it is in the moments we consider ourselves a failure, are humiliated or feel let down by those closest to us, that we are being pruned to bear much fruit for God. It is in our deepest moments of despair and sadness that we must find the strength to somehow cling to God and not turn away from Him. As St. Paul said, “We felt the death sentence had been passed on us. But this happened so that we should rely, not in ourselves, but only on God, who raises the dead.” (1 Corinthians 1:9)  Otherwise, despair, bitterness, rejection and anger will drive us even further away from God. If we place our full trust in God, He will show us how to live for Him – slowly and surely.

God is very patient. He knows we will fall but He will pick us up again and again as long as we remain committed to do His Will. If we pray for God’s Wisdom, we will have the virtue of self-control which is crucial to help us put aside our human ego and pride. God can do everything without us – thus, we have to put aside our self-important “I” in living for God. Until and unless we are able to do so, we will feel insecure, dissatisfied and lacking in God’s love while comparing ourselves to others. God has promised, “As for you, even the hairs on your head have all been counted. (Matthew 10:30) Obviously God takes a very personal and active interest in each of us – you and me!

So what is life all about? I believe life is about each of us consciously taking a frank and honest look at our own lives and accepting God’s call to live our faith. We cannot afford to be half-hearted or ambivalent about wanting to live for Christ. “No one can be a slave of two masters.” (Matthew 6:24) A true Christian is one who will never give up doing God’s Will – to love and care for others, to live God’s Word in one’s daily life and who is willing to be corrected or pruned by God for the glory of His Kingdom. We need to be able to recognize and overcome our faults and weaknesses and be thankful for God’s blessings in our lives.

I do not know what God’s Plan is for me or what lies ahead. I pray that He will grant me His Love and Wisdom to fix my gaze upon Him and not let trivial or worldly matters distract me. I know that God has a call and mission for me – just as He has a special and distinct call for YOU! We need to believe that not a day in our life is left unplanned by God. Each of us should have courage, determination and perseverance to do our best for God. “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31) 

I share this truly touching YouTube music video below – JUST LISTEN TO OUR HEARTS by Casting Crowns with Steven Curtis Chapman & Geoff Moore – which best describes how thankful I am to God for prodding my heart from being a lukewarm, Sunday Catholic to a life that has been amazingly uplifted by His Love and Grace. No matter what, this is my only desire in life now…”Lord, listen to my heart!”

"BETTER IS ONE DAY IN YOUR COURTS" (Psalm 84:10) - A LEAP OF FAITH

Nine years ago today, I said "Yes" to the call to serve in Divine Retreat Centre full-time. I remember when, how and where I was asked in Singapore very vividly even after all these years. I was on vacation leave then midway in what I thought would be a 6-month volunteer service. Hence, it brings back  to me the intense memories and feelings as I am once again now in Singapore for a few more days! Last night, I was reading a very insightful 2003 article by  Fr. Warren Sazama S.J. - "What Does It Mean To Say God is Calling Me?"

I smiled to myself as I read Fr. Warren's wisdom-filled advice on answering God's call in our life - his words truly explained my journey of full-time ministry in India. I wished I had read his article in 2004! It was necessary for me to go through doubts and anxiety and search for a deeper understanding within myself to continue to respond fully to God's Call. 

Fr. Warren S.J.'s aricle started with the explanation that "Jesuit Ignatian tradition sees God as actively and personally involved in each of our lives....God is engaged in a lifelong dialog with us. Our role in the dialog is to pay attention, listen, and try to respond."

How true these words resonated in my heart...especially the words "God is in a lifelong dialog with us." God's call to serve is constant and He will not change that - a spiritual advise that I was wisely given by a priest a few years ago.It is necessary to search within our heart how to respond always with trust in fulfilling God's plan for our life. In order to serve Him as per His Will, we need to be always open and ready to do so. This Word of God seems to best explain what God wants of us who are called to serve in full-time ministry, "A soldier on active duty wants to please his commanding officer and so does not get mixed up in the affairs of civilian life." (2 Timothy 2:4)

There are sacrifices we need to make as long as we are part of any ministry for our Lord. We will never know exactly what God wants of us as per a written down plan to the smallest details. We need to pray, meditate on the Word of God and to be led by the Holy Spirit with proper spiritual direction. What is needed of us is to take the leap of faith to believe God is with us every step of the way. I take comfort and strength from one of my favourite bible verses in times I feel anxious or may have doubts about my future - "Do not be afraid - I am with you!" (Isaiah 43:5) 

On this trip to Singapore, I have met up with many friends who are very supportive of our mission work in India and who are very active in their own ministries/apostolate here. It is a great joy and encouragement to be able to support and affirm each other as sisters and brothers in Christ. What is more - we also discover how God does not bring us together without a purpose. He will use us to spread His Love and His Word to the world! 

I have no idea what is God's Plan for my future. But as I was thinking of my life in India, I know in my heart that my life in Divine is priceless and one I will always treasure - "One day spent in your Temple is better than a thousand anywhere else." (Psalm 84:10)  I have been greatly blessed and I am very thankful for this Grace of God. 

The music video below "Better is One Day" by Matt Redman summarizes the joy in my heart on this special day for the opportunity God has given me. The lyrics "For here my heart is satisfied within Your Presence" best articulates the inner peace I always feel upon my return to the retreat centre!

WHEN THE WORLD SAYS "GIVE UP," HOPE WHISPERS, "TRY ONE MORE TIME." (Author Unknown)

Will I ever consider my life is going just the way I had planned it? Am I getting too old to still believe I can accept risks and face personal trials to aspire to achieve for deeply felt dreams in my heart? Well, one thing is for sure - life never gets easier. It is challenging regardless of whichever phase of life or age we are at!

There have been many times I have had people tell me that I am lucky because I do not have to work in the secular world and face all the pressure and challenges of trying to be successful and still living for Christ. I guess looking at those of us who serve as volunteers in a mission, it might seem we are living a life without problems, trials and personal struggles. Yet having worked for 16 years in the corporate world before serving voluntarily now in a mission for over 9 years, neither is easier than the other. Each has its distinct challenges!

While on holiday these past two weeks, I realized two friends in different parts of the world going through very difficult "dark nights of the soul". I really felt it in my heart for them for I know what I go through in my life too. Both my friends are loving, generous and doing their best to faithfully live for Christ in the different Call God has given them. There are moments we question what we have chosen to do in our lives as we try to discern and live God's Will in our life.

I do not think we can ever give a "correct" answer to anyone  - just as I know no one can give an answer to me so that my life and my ministry will be smooth and secure and devoid of anxieties and fears. Why is this so? After much soul-searching, I know going through this "dark nights of the soul" is a way Jesus strengthens and purify  our love to do His Will. The plan God has for me can never be bad for me-or for you! Yet, it is NEVER easy to persevere in our struggles, face the disappointments we will have to undergo and even of the times we know we fail miserably in living the way God wants us to. For some reason, I forget the wonderful moments of joy and peace God has blessed me in my chosen path. Then the question will arise - can I totally dedicate my life to serving Christ? 

My Mum taken last Sunday!

Well, I have been with my mother these past two weeks. It has reminded me how her life has gone through many unplanned and difficult changes/challenges. Yet now in her early eighties, my mother is filled with inner peace. It makes me wonder if I could ever attain this "peace" my Mum has in her life. She has always - even now - firmly believes God is looking after her and her family as long as she places her trust and believes in Jesus' Providence. She is a person who always has Hope in God even when she was an orphan in her early teens and faced many struggles along with my late father in providing a good education for my seven siblings and me. I believe that is why my Mum still has the special peace when we look at her despite the ailments she face due to her age. Only God can give us this blessed inner peace.

I came on this holiday having many things on my mind - a number of it due to questions some close family and friends have in their love and concern for me have asked me of my future over the past few years. Well, one thing I can freely admit...my mind and heart can have such contrasting convictions. The logic of the world and the promise of material security I should aspire for especially for  my "retirement years" cannot be ignored. Yet, so far, I have not yet felt the deep prompting in my heart for God's Call for me to do something different as per His Will in my life. How will I ever know what is God's Will in my life? I was just listening to a talk by our priest director which really touched my heart deeply. Fr. Augustine asked, "How do I know what is best for me? How will I know what is the right plan for my life? I need to wait upon God for that is how God makes us mature in our faith." Father reminded us that is why St. Paul in Romans Chapter 5 says, '"Waiting and suffering will lead us to endurance; endurance to character; character to hope' - a Hope that will never disappoint us!" 

I see the truth of this Promise of the Word of God in my mother. I cannot ignore what I see with my own eyes - I believe it is a clear case of God showing me I NEED to trust in Him with a deep faith that is forged by pain, trials, struggles, joy and zeal. I have seen it on the faces of some of my parents' friends too of a similar age and many others around the world in the golden years of their life. They are just ordinary people - not famous or doing great things as perceived by the world. Yet they are the powerful, shining "Lights of Christ" in our world. If we take  the time to slow down and really take  good look at the people Jesus has put in our lives, we know that there are these special people in our workplace, our missions, our families, our church and in our communities. They are the ones who will be there for us to lift us up - to never give up and to share the beautiful Hope of Jesus to try ONE more time, whatever it takes, to live for Jesus every day of our life

The touching YouTube music video, "THE WORDS I WOULD SAY" by the SIDEWALK PROPHETS spoke to my heart. I hope it does to each of you too!

COURAGE IS AN INNER RESOLUTION TO GO FORWARD DESPITE OBSTACLES – Martin Luther King Jr

What is courage? Is it a gift that is given to just a few people? If not, then what does it take to live a life of courage? Well, unwavering courage has been something I have been pondering about these past few months. Perhaps, it is because as I pray about God’s Call in my life, I feel at times inadequate for what I know deep within is the insistent mission tasks God seems to ask of me! 

To be conscious to always do God’s Will is by itself a great life lesson in living with courage. I have definitely found it is much easier to live according to my human will – as then I just have to think about my own needs and expectations. But I have realized one very important truth – if I am a Christian, then I must ALWAYS live my life with courage! Not just once in a while but with a deep conviction in my heart at all times.

“Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God – what Is good and is pleasing to him and is perfect.” (Romans 12:2) – how often I have read this Word of God but it just in this past few weeks that it has really penetrated and taken root in my heart.

I have to admit that regardless of serving fulltime in a mission, I am guilty of going through periods when I get doubts in my mind. My heart’s conviction is always constant – yet my mind seems to get planted with questions that disturb my inner peace. It usually happens just as I am focussing on some new ministry projects. When I look back, I wonder why I get this “anxiety” periods knowing that in all the previous instances, Our Lord has never forsaken me when I say “Yes” to the personal mission undertaking He asks of me.  I realize it is my human self-will when I do not want to face difficult hardships and obstacles that suddenly sprout and tire me out just as I am all set on beginning my new mission projects. How nice it would be for once to engage in mission work with no sufferings! That is the paradox! Here I am seeking to live for Christ with all my heart, my mind and my soul - the Suffering Christ – but I want to do so with minimal suffering if possible. I can really understand why it is my heart needs a daily ongoing conversion!

To be a Christian is to be a person of courage. Jesus exemplified courage from the time He was born on earth in very austere, difficult circumstances in a stable right up to His violent and humiliating death on the Cross which He accepted from His Father’s Hands for the salvation of ALL our souls. Ever since, the Cross will forever be a sign of the Glory and Victory of Jesus winning Eternal Life for all mankind over death and sin.

To be a Christian means I must have persistence and perseverance in always doing God’s Will with a heart filled with His Hope and Joy. I was reminded in my personal meditations recently by this Word of God, “…Serve the Lord with a heart full of devotion. Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times.” (Romans 12:11-12)  Recently, when I was seeking some spiritual guidance from a priest, he encouraged me to listen and to answer God’s Call with total faith. The priest shared that God always provides with His bountiful abundance – I need not worry of all the obstacles and disappointments that keep piling up. I should praise and glorify Jesus as I go forth with total commitment for these sufferings and obstacles will be turned into Glory for God!

Indeed, when we do His Will, we can be absolutely certain of God’s Providence as per His Promise to each of us – you and me, “Where does my help come from? My help will come from the LORD who made heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:1-2) This is a Promise of God I cling on to in my ministry here in India. Very often, I do not know how to achieve a mission task and it is always in my prayers that I get the inner peace and conviction of heart by the clear inspirations from the Holy Spirit…of what I should do and how to do it. No matter how difficult the project, Jesus has always blessed the results beyond my human expectations. I know beyond a doubt it has nothing to do with my human abilities but of the Grace of God in reaching out to me as I call upon His Divine assistance to answer His Call.

So what is courage? Courage, I believe, is to have the faith to readily answer God’s Call despite our fear that we may fall short of God’s expectations because of lack of resources – human, time, money or experience. It is to dare to say “Yes” to Jesus and put our complete faith and hope in Him.

Yesterday, I came upon this quotation that I had written down a few years ago:

Courage is an inner resolution to go forward despite obstacles;
Cowardice is submissive surrender to circumstances.
Courage breeds creativity; Cowardice represses fear and is mastered by it.
Cowardice asks the question, is it safe?
Expediency ask the question, is it politic?
Vanity asks the question, is it popular?
But conscience ask the question, is it right? And there comes a time when 
we must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular,
 but one must take it because it is right.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

How apt that I am reminded of this quotation now! Martin Luther King Jr. is an inspiration to millions of people around the world – and the truth of his words resounds deeply in my heart and mind once again.

Unwavering courage is something each of us can freely obtain from God. How? We need to truly thirst and seek for the infilling of the Holy Spirit in our hearts, minds and lives. All we need to look at are the Apostles who were fearful and frightened until Pentecost when they were filled with the Holy Spirit. From then on, they were totally transformed to proclaim and live for Christ until they willingly died for Him. The apostles prayed for courage – “And now, Lord, take notice of the threats they have made, and allow us, your servants, to speak your message with all boldness. Reach out your hand to heal, and grant that wonders and miracles may be performed through the name of your holy Servant, Jesus.” When they finished praying, the place where they were meeting was shaken. They were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to proclaim God’s message with boldness.” (Acts 4:29-31) They no longer had any fear and nothing was impossible in the Name of Jesus!

Most of all, we  need only to look to Mother Mary – who as a young virgin, with the knowledge that she would be stoned to death if found pregnant out of wedlock, answered God’s Call to her to be the Mother of Jesus. Mother Mary’s response was, “Here am I, your handmaid, Lord. Let it be done to me according to your will.” (Luke 1:38) She did so every moment of her life.

It is my prayer for God’s Holy Spirit to fill each of our lives completely with His Power!

I hope you will be uplifted as I was by the YouTube music video COURAGEOUS by Casting Crown at the top of this post!

MY PARENTS' LEGACY...THE VALUE OF THEIR LOVE

I have been thinking of my parents a great deal this past few weeks. Parents are probably God's greatest gift to us for they are the ones who have loved us from the moment we came into this world. Whenever, I see the parents of a newborn child, I see that indescribable love and joy just illuminating their whole face and being! It always makes me realize how beautiful the gift of life is - how it must be protected and treasured. I often wonder whether the dreams and aspirations my parents had in their lives as a newly married couple were fulfilled in their 56 years of marriage. I believe God surely did so from the quiet joy and peace they have had in their golden years!

Nowadays, we do not see big families - most families I know have only about 2 or 3 children. My parents had 8 children! The funny coincidence was that in our church, there were quite a number of families whose parents were my parents' contemporaries  - all having 8 children too. Hence, all of us grew knowing each other as toddlers and as schoolmates! I recently met a childhood friend overseas after nearly 30 years - and both our hearts were filled with so much joy recalling our parents and childhood memories.

What is the value of our parents' love? As I was growing up, I took it for granted. I guess I thought everyone would always love me the way my parents did! Well, needless to say, I learnt over the years that our parents' love is as close to the "unconditional love" of God that we will ever experience. Yet God's Love is incomparable because He loves every SINGLE person whom He created with an UNCONDITIONAL love. "I have loved you with an everlasting love. That is why I have continued to be faithful to you." (Jeremiah 31:3)  I often think how I used to take my parents' love for granted in my younger days - yet their love was the one CONSTANT I could count on - they were always there to support me, to encourage me and to believe in me as I grew up to face life's challenges - most of all they loved me enough to let me go and find my destiny in this world.  

I am not a parent. However, I think to be one must definitely be really difficult. Imagine to nurture each child from a foetus in the mother's womb, to a tiny fragile, helpless newborn baby, to an inquisitive and active child, on to a "self-occupied" teenager and then to see the child become an adult and leading a separate life often far away from home! In my family, seven of us went on to study overseas and as such, once our high school days were over, most of us never went back to live in our hometown or near our parents. We were all living away from each other too. The nucleus of our family were our parents. We used to call our parents and it is from them we knew about each other's lives! It was through my parents that our family bond was kept intact. Our family home was the one place that brought us back to our hometown because that is where our most beloved parents lived!

My father was a person who sacrificed his life for my mother and his 8 children. He was not a rich man but I never remember ever growing up wanting something and not getting it. He was a very hardworking, responsible and upfront person. It is from him that I learnt that integrity was priceless. 

My mother was the "disciplinarian" in our family. I remember getting spanked by her when my younger sister and I got into mischief as we invariably did. She was the one made sure we studied, did our school work, household chores and so forth. More than any person in my life, it is my mother who instilled in me the self-confidence that I could achieve anything if I really wanted to in my heart. It was also from her I learnt to have a love for reading and to learn and try new things. I remember we  learnt about vitamins and health supplements even as children as my Mum would be stuffing us with all these things that she had read about. Some of it was definitely not what I wanted to take and I remember asking all my classmates and no one was having to do so - but that made no difference to my Mum! Years and years later, i am seeing many things that she ensured for us is being touted as the way to bring up children in a healthy way. She was definitely an "innovator" Mum!     

What did we learn from both of them? I know for me I learnt to share and care for  others - obviously since I am from a big family! But it was more than that. My parents were very charitable people but they did not speak about it. It was only when I brought my parents for a visit to their birthplace in India in 1996, that I first learnt of the immense financial help my parents had done to help our relatives in India and even in Singapore! I was astounded hearing  all that from my relatives who I was meeting for the first time! But they were also the same back home to anyone in need. If there is any persons from whom I have learnt much of Jesus' command, "Love one another as I love you"  (John 15:12), it is from my parents. They also always taught us by example to stay true to one's conscience and not to conform and take the easy way out. We had to have the courage to stand up and speak out when needed for what is right in God's eyes.

Both of my parents had difficult and challenging childhoods. My dad's father died when he was very, very young and my Mum was an orphan in her early teens during the Japanese Occupation in Malaysia. Perhaps that is why they were absolutely determined that their children would have the best of everything that they could give us. My father never spent on himself but he made sure my Mum had whatever she wanted for our home and for all his children's needs. In his later years, he would often lovingly chide us his children because we often got him new shirts, perfumes and other personal items which he never spent on himself. We would  tease him that he was looking really "cool" even in his eighties!

Yet the MOST important gift my parents ever instilled in me is FAITH in Jesus. Even as we flew the nest to study overseas, my parents would always remind us to pray. It required tremendous sacrifice on my parents' part to spend their entire life savings for our studies. I remember many of my parents' relatives and friends telling my dad not to send the daughters overseas as "they would get married and it is a waste of your money and how will you both live if you have no savings?" Well, I was the first daughter who was about to go! I overheard my father reply without hesitating - "Whatever our sons get, we will also give to my daughters. To us, they are the same. God will look after us in our old age even if our children will not. We put our trust in God." My Mum who was the one who wanted each of us to study well and be successful has the same deep faith in Jesus. I remember even to this very day how as a teenager then, I felt my heart would explode with love for my parents. I have never forgotten  what I heard all those years ago - and I have tried my best to ensure my parents knew their love for their children was not in vain. I know it is also very much so with all my siblings.

No matter where all of us were, we were never alone. Our parents prayers and faith in Jesus meant Jesus was always with us! Not because we were praying. I know I actually stopped attending Sunday masses for a few years and only did so for Holy Week, Christmas and New Year. And I only really remembered God prior to my exam times.  Yet, whenever we went home, we would still have to say the family prayers every night! My Mum would always leave Catholic spirituality books by my bed as she knew I always  read  while in bed. Whenever I called home, my mother would be asking if I was going to church and if I was praying and she would talk about Jesus! I remember rolling my eyes at the other end and trying to change the topic but all our calls were like that...my Mum reminding me that  both of them were praying for all their children every day to be good and to be protected by Jesus. Well, Jesus was very faithful to my parents too for He really answered all their prayers. "Then you will call upon me and pray to me, and I will listen to you." (Jeremiah 29:12) It is they who first planted the seed of faith in me. 

Like my Mum, my father also had an incredible devotion to Mother Mary and even when he was becoming frail in health, before he passed away at the age of 85, he would attend daily Holy Mass, pray the Holy Rosary a few times a day on his own, the Divine Mercy chaplet and many other of his daily prayers including the Litany to the Saints.  

My mother is also in her eighties now and her prayer life has not diminished with age at all! I truly miss her because I do not get the chance to be with her as I did before. In many ways, it has not been the same since my father passed away - our family home has been sold and my Mum no longer lives in our hometown. As such, now there is even fewer opportunities for the rest of us meet her and each other too. 

My parents visiting me in India in December 2005.

It is why every one of us need to treasure our parents - God's greatest gift of love to us - who in turn gives us the greatest legacy - the gift of faith in Jesus! It is through their faith in Jesus that they can let us go knowing that every child of theirs will never be alone - for Jesus is with us!

For those of you who live close to your parents, never miss any opportunity to be with them. Their love is irreplaceable and parents' love can never be duplicated by anyone else in our lives. Only God loves us more!  

Today is the 6th Anniversary of my father's return to his Heavenly home. I truly miss him  - the special love of a loving father who did his human best to exemplify the love of our Heavenly Father. It is a bittersweet day to remember because it is also my birthday. 

A close friend posted this song below, "YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE" by the Point of Grace band on Facebook two days ago when I was really missing my parents' presence. When I heard the song, it brought back many beautiful memories of my life and how much  my parents mean to me. Most of all, I thank God for the gift of my parents - for in their simple loving lives, they have truly shown me that faith and trust in Jesus is crucial...and prayer is essential to stay connected to God!

PAPA & MUMMY...I LOVE YOU! 

GOD’S DIVINE GIFT TO ME- WHAT FAITH CAN DO...

I am a “night owl” – according to my Mum even as a baby! She always put it down to the fact that I was born at 3.00 a.m. (well, 3.05 a.m. according to my birth certificate). So at around 3.30 a.m. yesterday, I was still up and in my office working. Then it struck me again - on 18 June (today!), it will be my 9^th anniversary of serving fulltime in Divine Retreat Centre! Feeling quite incredulous that I have been here so long in India, I actually looked into the mirror of my compact powder, pinched my left cheek and stared at my reflection. I asked myself. “Do you know what you are doing with your life?”. I just stared at my reflection and then began smiling. As I celebrate my 9^th “Divine” Anniversary, I know ONE thing for sure.  My life has been beyond what I could ever imagine before. I have not just had a God-encounter once but now a life filled with God-experiences…through all the joyful, grieving, difficult, frustrating and exciting circumstances of my 9 years in Divine

God is still teaching me on a daily basis to put Him first – not my feelings or my personal desires but for what is good for the mission He planned for me. I know how true this Promise of the Word of God has been in my life – “For I know what I have planned for you,’ says the Lord. ‘I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope. When you call out to me and come to me in prayer, I will hear your prayers. When you seek me in prayer and worship, you will find me available to you. If you seek me with all your heart and soul,” (Jeremiah 29:11-13)

What have I learnt here in these 9 years in Divine? I have learnt how my faith in God is definitely much, much tinier than a mustard seed – it Is microscopic. Well, otherwise, I will be doing miracles like moving mountains.! J God had to strip from me the layers of my self-ego, my personal desires, my personal plans where my focus was on “what I wanted” to learn to live for what God wants of me. it is like peeling one’s skin off slowly– so I have had to really go through experiences that at times seemed beyond what I thought I could handle. In my heart, I would be pleading to our Lord, “I have had enough! Why did you pluck me from my previous life in Singapore?…Why? Why?” Here I am not knowing what are my future plans! In ministry, there are no guarantees so it is difficult to make concrete plans of what I will do in 2 or 5 years time. I tell my friends that for a person who always had personal 3 and 5 year personal plans since I was a college student, this has been the BIGGEST challenge of my ministry. I cannot plan for what I want to do. Now, I do not have a multi-national company’s financial resources and a really talented well-paid team of staff to execute plans.

Here I am in the midst of Vincentian priests and lay volunteers who have come from all over India, who like me, have somehow answered the Call God has placed in our hearts. It is not by our personal doing or because we are “holy and worthy”, It is by the Grace of God that He blessed us with - to learn what “FAITH” can do in our lives. It Is not easy – as volunteers we do not have any employment or retirement benefits. We have no idea how long we are even going to serve here. It is not possible to plan for these “security” buffer that would have been our main priority in the working world. So why are we doing it? Why am I still here after 9 years? Despite all these “needs of the world:”, I have seen and experienced the Power of Jesus with my own eyes and in my life – the amazing healing miracles that have taken place during the weekly retreats In Divine; the nearly unbelievable testimonies of people who came back to share their miracle healings, and the incredible number of testimonies via letters and emails that are sent here. 

I personally know a friend who was healed of Stage 3 cancer upon her return to Singapore! Her doctors were puzzled at the drastic change in her X-rays! Praise God! Another friend is still battling cancer but she has tremendous courage and peace in Jesus – by her faith in Him, she accepts her cross patiently.  I have only read some of these thousands of testimonies Divine receives yearly from those suffering illnesses, childless couples, those having financial difficulties, broken marriages and so forth. Many others have just shared verbally. For anyone who thinks Jesus stopped performing miracles once He returned to Heaven, I invite them to come and experience a retreat in Divine. Jesus touches everyone who turns to Him in faith – He does not do so looking at our religion but our faith in Him – JESUS CHRIST! Around thirty percent (30%) of the weekly retreatants in Divine are non-Christians – Hindus, Buddhists, Muslims, agnostics, atheists and so forth. A few years ago, I vividly recall a retreatant from Tanzania who did a few consecutive retreats here for about a month. When he finally testified one night, he shared of how he was now totally converted in his heart. He was a very powerful “witch doctor” back home. He said from now on, he would only proclaim the Healing Power of Jesus in Tanzania! Here the mission of the Divine-Potta ministry led by the Vincentian Fathers is not to convert people to be Catholics but a deep conversion of heart for every person to truly believe in Jesus our Saviour.

I have learnt to love more unconditionally; to live accepting differences; and most of all to learn to appreciate the Presence of God in others. Each of us is made in God’s image - "..for in God's image, God made mankind" (Genesis 9:6) - which means even an atheist or the world's worst sinner is made in God’s image! We can agree to disagree but we must not hate others. There is one thing I am so grateful to God for bringing me to serve in Divine, it is about learning from the Vincentian Fathers what it means to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your minds, and with all your strength." (Mark 12:30) They are tireless in their priestly mission despite the thousands of retreatants who come here for weekly retreats – many wanting personal prayers and words of encouragement and guidance. They go on external mission trips all over India and around the world. There is the Divine Television ministry which is a 24-hour commercial free Catholic Gospel channel available all over the world – even as an online channel. The Divine Charitable Trust takes care 3,000 of the most needy on a long term basis. – there seem to be endless ministry demands and challenges! Indeed, the Joy and Peace of Christ “shine” through all the Fathers here. They do not just preach but inspire us through the way they live. I have been humbled and am learning to live with this type of radical faith in Jesus. Often, I struggle when I want projects to move faster or be able to actually get to really speak to the Director re ministry work - but there are only so many hours in a day! Who can I turn to who will help me?

Without fail, it is always JESUS! My ministry is such that I work on my own and not in any particular retreat section team. It is mainly Internet-based. Yes - even the Divine-Potta ministry needs to be engaged in cyberspace as per the call of Bl. Pope John Paul II re the New Evangelization. Millions do not ever step foot into a church or even know a Catholic. We need to proclaim God’s Message through every path God leads us through.  I have learnt to do many new things in Divine through the Internet that I NEVER ever even thought of before! I had to learn how to do so through the Internet. There were no training sessions or any other person to teach me!  Goes to show it is never too late to learn new things and to embrace new frontiers for the proclamation of God’s Word! I spend many hours just speaking to Jesus in my heart and listening to His promptings. I truly love meditating on the Bible daily. And my office is next to the chapel where the Blessed Sacrament is exposed till late at night. Whenever, I need some quiet moments to be inspired, I just dash out of my office to be in the visible Presence of my ever-loving Jesus! I have learnt to totally depend on Jesus – to discern carefully through prayer and spiritual guidance what I am to do for God. I have learnt the virtue of patience. All the major inspirations for my Divine projects have come as I prayed in front of the Blessed Sacrament, during Holy Mass, the Inner Healing sessions and the Adoration sessions. I have learnt to stay connected to God and to be aware consciously that my entire life is totally in Jesus’ Hands. I have to trust Jesus – even when I have personal doubts and fears! I need to wait and pray for Jesus WILL reveal what He wants me to do in His Time. This gets easier with practice!

There have been very difficult times of trials and tribulations yet the hope that Jesus pours into my heart gives me courage to never give up – to have faith in Him. I have been blessed knowing so many other wonderful people – both Catholics and non-Catholics. I have so many loving friends who are ever willing to share their talents and support for the Divine projects I am involved in – we are united in our love for Christ. Though we live in different countries, God’s Love brings us together.  Without a doubt, I know when we step up as committed Catholics, we can make a GREAT difference. We are all called to be missionaries wherever we are. Our Catholic Church is a mission church. We are called to know the Word, Live the Word and Spread the Word!

I am not doing anything remarkable just because I am serving as a fulltime ministry volunteer. I am just answering the Call and Plan God has for me – just as He has a Plan for the life each of you are leading. All of us are blessed because we are chosen as God’s children. We cannot all be doing the same thing to make Jesus known to the world. In fact, the Divine-Potta ministry could not have carried out God’s Call since 1989 if not for all our loving benefactors and friends from India and around the world. I have learnt how much we need each other and why we must appreciate and be thankful to God for the diversity He has created in each of us. It is what makes our life interesting, vibrant and worth living! 

As I celebrate in joy and wonder at God’s Grace for me to continue to serve here in Divine, I pray that He will ensure we are all “rooted and grounded in Christ” (Ephesians 3:17)…and together with each of you, my friends, we will learn the miracle of what our faith can do for Jesus!

At the top of this post is a YouTube music video.”WHAT FAITH CAN DO” by the gospel band Kutless which really describes my life here in Divine! 

Thank you God for Your Amazing Love!

“I am able to do all things through the One who strengthens me.”

(Philippians 4:13)