For every situation that seems a problem or a setback, there is always a Plan of God that truly opens up a deeper layer of appreciating the gift of one's own life. Well, that is what I once again experienced this year. In February, I slipped and had a bad fall with a sharp crack on the back of my skull. Till today, I cannot recall about at least 15 minutes of my life when it did happen. i only recall a fleeting moment at the time of my fall - of lying on the floor looking at my room's window and feeling excruciating pain! However, I do not recall dressing up, locking my room or walking down from my room on the 1st floor or walking to the side stage room of our English retreat hall to ask for help. I was told later that I had walked in very quietly and sat on a chair and a fellow volunteer, Mary, said that I was trembling violently and with great concern she asked me what had happened. It seems all I said was "I had a fall." Well, immediately the volunteers there sprang to action and soon I was being taken to the nearby hospital. To say that I had a really painful skull for the first two months is an understatement - I also had hurt 4 discs on my vertebrae - two discs at the base of my neck and two discs at the base of my spine which were undiagnosed for the first month. Hence, every time I walked, I felt close to fainting after about 2 minutes as the discs were pressing against my nerves.
Well, I do remember one thing distinctly! As I was in the A&E section, I realized I had never ever really thought about my skull nor had I ever thanked God for it or for my brain - to be able to live the blessed life I have. I immediately thanked God for the big thump on my head! I needed it to be finally conscious of thanking God for all He has given me which I took for granted. Sleeping was really difficult for about 3 months as it took that long for the swelling to subside. Till today, I still have some pain on my skull. When I lay my head on the pillow, I will feel the pain and I will be awoken at nights should I change my sleeping position to the right - which I invariably do. I now have an inbuilt reminder to get enough sleep as when I work too long hours, it hurts.
It happened exactly a week before Ash Wednesday, I felt committed to start on some ministry work for the Lenten season. Since my work is mainly Internet-based, that meant I had to work on a PC or laptop. The neuro-physiotherapist told me firmly I was to take complete rest for 1-2 months as it would put great pressure on the brain working on a PC/laptop and on my spine. Well, that is when I found out for myself, how much pressure is actually exerted on the brain working on computers. :) I got the strength from God's Word to continue what I felt so deeply in heart I needed to do - sharing a 7-part Weekly Divine Lenten Video series on the Friends of Divine blog. And what was the Word? It was "My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak." (2 Corinthians 12:9)
When I was on my longest-ever vacation in mid-April until mid-June, I found out how many Friends of Divine appreciated the Lenten videos and had shared it with their family and friends too. In lifting my pain to be united as a small Lenten sacrifice of the pain Jesus suffered from His crown of thorns, it was all bearable. Despite the pain in my brain, skull, and back, I was filled with a quiet determination for I could feel Jesus with me in a tangible personal way.
When I was on my longest-ever vacation in mid-April until mid-June, I found out how many Friends of Divine appreciated the Lenten videos and had shared it with their family and friends too. In lifting my pain to be united as a small Lenten sacrifice of the pain Jesus suffered from His crown of thorns, it was all bearable. Despite the pain in my brain, skull, and back, I was filled with a quiet determination for I could feel Jesus with me in a tangible personal way.
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| Our April 2015 Family Get-together in Penang |
I went on a two-month vacation shortly after Easter. Some of my siblings, my eldest nephew and I had a beautiful 1-week family time with my Mum in Penang, Malaysia. It is not easy as we all now live in different countries. No words can express my feelings of the time I can spend with my Mum...it is like my heart overflows with love for her. I could not do any work as my laptop had its 'demise' there and I had to buy a new one. Then I headed off to Melbourne for nearly a month with my youngest sister, Kathy, and her husband, Guy. It was there I felt a deep prompting in my heart, "Rest, Susan, and I will tell you when to start again." For once, I did that and just rested. I cannot recall ever doing this in my life. And what an amazing experience it was...
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| Jesse |
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Chilli
Have you ever stopped your daily routine - I mean really stopped and just relaxed and took time to be in solitude with Jesus and His Creation? It is not something I ever remember consciously doing until this vacation. I spent a lot of time with my sister's two Australian kelpies - Jesse and Chilli. Growing up, we always had a couple of family dogs at least. I found it so de-stressing just playing with the dogs and enjoying the moment - their joys are simple ones. We can learn a lot from dogs. They just live for the present and they openly show their joy and love for the fact that I was with them when Kathy and Guy were busy at the cafe.They would both clamber on my bed every morning. I actually looked forward to our daily walks that I was taken on. Yes, Jesse and Chilli decided I did not really know their daily walking route. In fact the first time I took them for a walk, Chilli pulled me in the opposite direction - he must have wanted to explore!
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| A beautiful Rainbow! |
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| A radiant Sunset at the Blue Mountains |
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| The Three Sisters formation in Blue Mountains |
The cool Melbourne and Sydney weather with birds singing on the trees and flying about and the crisp fresh air soothed my mind and heart - I often sang little hymns in my heart enjoying the beauty of Nature and God's Creation all around me. In the evenings in Melbourne, I enjoyed being with Kathy and Guy who made my time with them so precious and joyful despite their very hectic schedules running le Jolie Cafe. . As the weeks went by, I felt a great peace flowing in me just appreciating and being thankful for the beauty God has created on earth. for the love of my family and close friends and most of all for my life.
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| clockwise from left - Fr. Joby, Carol, Deane and Fr. Michael |
I had the opportunity to attend a Marian retreat with a very close family friend, Carol, at the Divine Retreat Centre Somersby, NSW. It was a great blessing to attend this retreat by Fr. Michael Payyapilly V.C., the Director (he was Asst Director at the Divine Retreat Centre, Kerala, India until February 2012) and Fr. Joby George V.C., the new Asst. Director in DRC Somersby who I was meeting for the first time. The few days I spent with Carol's family and the Vincentian Fathers was priceless - a time I will always treasure. Carol and I had not seen each other for 32 years. I pointed out that was longer than Fr. Joby has been alive! Yet, it was like we were never apart. I am so grateful to God for the lovely stay with Carol in Sydney and also meeting her husband, Deane and elder daughter, Nikita. It was inspiring to hear of Carol and Deane's faith in God. I was also blessed to meet Carol's elder sister, Marie and her brother Xavier on this trip. To meet childhood friends is a special joy that cannot be explained. We have known each other practically from the time we were born as our parents were very close friends. I also had a couple of days with my dearest friend and ex-CX colleague when we were working in Hong Kong - Cathy. Cathy has always brought laughter into my life. She used to make me lighten up and relax and we have so many happy memories of our time in Hong Kong. It never fails to amaze me how when meeting friends close to our hearts, the years and all the different paths our lives have taken just magically disappear. We do not even really care what or who the other person is known as to the world...all that matters is that we are together again.
That is truly what life is about - a life that is of love, joy, hope, of shared memories. Somehow all the painful and sad moments we shared together are all washed away from our memories. It really led me to deep reflection on the ever-burning question in my heart - "How I am really living my life - Am I living life to the fullest?" Do I have time for the people who matter in my life? Can we make a difference in the world by sharing the personal Christian mission God has commissioned us with? I do not know but I have always believed God always has a reason when He brings people together.
It brought me back to an extremely vivid memory of the 3rd Divine retreat which I attended on my own in July 2003 - before I joined Divine Retreat Centre as a full-time volunteer a year later. I do not recall anything else of the preaching or singing during this retreat. Only one memory is engraved in my heart, It was my birthday and, Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C., the Director, preached in a booming voice from the stage - "Every day you are one step closer to your tomb! How are you living your life? Who are you living your life for?" It was like a thunderbolt to my heart. I remember thinking, "Oh my God! Is this the message from God on my birthday that I must remember? That I am going to die one day soon...and I am getting closer to my tomb?" I felt like Jesus was the One asking me these pertinent questions which resound in my heart often even 13 years later to the present. Of course, Fr. Augustine had no idea it was my birthday then!
"Carpe Diem" which means "Seize the day" has been my personal life motto ever since I first heard this phrase in the beautiful Robin William's movie "Dead Poets Society" in 1989. I still use it on my Facebook and on WhatApp profile message. I want to live every moment of my life fully. Does it mean running around doing lots of things? No! I feel it is in giving myself fully to whatever it is I am doing that God is asking of me. It is of loving and appreciating and showing we truly care for our loved ones and more importantly those we do not know (the marginalized, the poor and the suffering) who need us - our time, our talents, our resources, our actions, our prayers and most of all our Christian love. It is to live passionately for the mission God has given each of us - in the exciting moments, joyful moments, painful moments and even the mundane, ordinary moments.
Living life to the full is not about chasing worldly goals and wanting our lives to be exciting, successful and crammed with many different activities. It needs to be a life where God's Gentle Voice can speak to our hearts each day; to see Jesus present in our everyday life. It is about being thankful to God and caring for the world He created for us to live in, for giving each of us the gift of life and the people He brings into our lives. The quote of Pope Paul VI at the top of this post is something every human being should heed. When we live life to the full, there is a fire burning in our hearts and a light in our eyes because our life has a God-given purpose. We will not be irritable and self-centred for our only desire is to do God's Will. I have shared before a message in a homily given by Fr. Augustine which spoke volumes to me - "When your human spirit is aligned with the Holy Spirit, you will not feel any stress; you will not be exhausted or irritable." I thought that explained the amazing stamina and fortitude of the Vincentian Fathers in their priestly ministry in our Divine-Potta ministry. They have no days of rest at all. They find their strength in their union with Christ and doing His Will. I realize I get irritable and worked up when I do not start my day with some quiet time of prayer and reflecting on the Bible - even if it is for just a short while. It is because when I do so my heart is attuned to live for God.
I just recently celebrated my birthday which was also the 8th Anniversary of my father's return to his Eternal Home. Hence, I often spend much time reflecting of life on earth and how to be ready for my eternal journey to Heaven in the lead-up to my birthday. This year, I felt a deep joy from the moment I woke up. It was a wonderful feeling that it was great to be alive! I took it for granted before. I know the fall I had has made me very aware that I have to treasure my life and make sure it makes a difference. Blessed Mother Teresa said it best - "Live simply so that others may live." Jesus will show us the Way to be the Light to others.
The music video below, "GOOD TO BE ALIVE" by Jason Gray, re-affirmed the zeal I feel in my heart. I came across this video for the first time on my birthday. It is an uplifting hymn that I hope speaks to your heart too!
What can I do? What can you do? What can we do together? Let us reach out;
let us share the Call and mission God has placed in our hearts and
let us DARE to truly LIVE for Christ!
