I have just recently attended our Annual Divine Retreat for Preachers, Music Ministers, Counsellors & Volunteers from 20-23 January 2015. This year, for the first time - we were give a choice to attend a retreat by two different retreat directors. At the last minute, I just felt compelled to attend the retreat by Colin Calmiano although I had signed up for the other retreat. How thankful I am for heeding my heart's prompting!
Last year, for once, I did not set clear annual goals for my ministry and it resulted in me feeling a little lost as the year went by for I was not focussing clearly my efforts to aim for the Christian mission that I have always felt God had called me for. I felt a vocal call within me shortly after my very first retreat in Divine on 14 February 1998. That was 17 years ago. Praise God! Suffice to say, 2014 was not an easy year for me. For with no clarity, there came along many doubts and questions in my heart. Questions which have been always surfacing in my heart during my entire ministry here. It must be the same whether one is in full-time ministry or not. Each of us, if we really ponder and examine our hearts, have "real and difficult" questions in knowing God's Call to us and in how we answer it! Well, first of all, one of the most important things I have learnt is that I needed to pray and wait upon the Lord. That does not mean I think God's mission for me will keep changing. It is not so.I believe I do know God's Call for me. It is what what has given me a real purpose in life these past 17 years. The reason of for each of us being created and put on this earth will be clear to us through prayer and discernment. What will not be crystal clear is how does one go about to strive in achieving for our Christian mission goal.
Does one actually need to DISCERN and ACT on one's Christian mission goal? Well, each of us need to truly examine our hearts. If we put so much focus to achieve worldly goals for our limited life on earth, how short-sighted are we if we do not give even greater importance to the goals we need to achieve for God's Mission in our life?
Did Jesus have a mission goal for His Life on earth? The answer is most definitely YES! Jesus' sole focus to everything He did on this earth was to do the Will of His Father. That is why Jesus' example of daily personal prayer and fasting is so crucial to every Catholic. We must stay connected to God in a very personal way. We cannot serve Christ if we compartmentalize our faith. I did it for so many years! I put so much effort into achieving my career goals that my so-called Catholic faith was just between me and God in an insular way. My Catholic faith never featured in my life's goals. As I was posted to different cities and countries over the years, I did not really know the Catholics in the churches I did go to. It is a sad fact but unlike Christian churches, many Catholic churches are not known for being welcoming to new parishioners. I was often invited by Christians of different denominations to attend their services but I was never invited by a Catholic to join in the celebration of Holy Mass in their parish. Of course, the problem was with me too - I too was just an invisible Catholic thinking that if I supported the charitable and church needs financially when required, it was enough. I thought I was a relatively "good" Catholic. My faith was abstract. I had no real relationship with Jesus. I would feel little promptings to join a ministry when appeals were made in the church. Yet as we all know, it is never enough to have a good intention, one must act upon it!
It was at my first retreat in Divine in February 1998 that I finally faced the life-changing questions - "What is my commitment to Jesus? Why am I a Catholic?" I lived another six years in Singapore and it is where I learnt how important personal prayer and Holy Mass was for my personal journey of faith. I had no Spiritual Director or spiritual mentor. It was a blessed grace that together with a group of Catholic friends, we prayed together monthly and had fellowship. I thank God DAILY for these Catholic friends of mine who are so much part of what I am today. They were my spiritual companions when I most needed to experience Jesus in my life as together we tried to learn to live for Christ.
Fr. Mathew Naickomparambil V.C - the Spearhead of our Divine-Potta ministry has always emphasized an important aspect for each of us to live a life pleasing to God - "No spiritual ministry or project will ever go anywhere without there first being Personal Prayer and Intercessory Prayer. It is crucial to have an infilling of the Holy Spirit within each of us before we can step up to be empowered and willing to move forth for Christ. We need to truly belong to a church community or prayer group to live our faith." It took me a number of years here in Divine before I understood and realized how prophetic Fr. Mathew's words are!
Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C., our Director's homily on the first day of this retreat truly knocked on the door of my heart. Fr. Augustine said, "There are no "GREATS" in the Kingdom of God...All of us have a heavenly mark in our souls - chosen for a mission in the Church." Father further pointed out that when Jesus asked Simon Peter the same question three time - " Simon son of John, do you love me more than these others do? " Jesus did not ask Peter, "Will you feed my sheep? Only when Peter committed himself totally to Jesus. "Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you!" That is when Jesus said to him, "Follow me!" That is what is so crucial in our life - yours and mine. Our commitment is to Jesus! My fidelity is to Jesus who called and appointed me to serve. My fidelity is to serve Jesus joyfully.Every service is a service to the Lord."
As I heard Father's exhortation, it dawned in my heart that - no matter what I do on this earth - from now on, what is truly important is that I do not lose my focus on living for Jesus EVERY moment! In whatever sphere of my life - be it in ministry or personal life, what I do must have a spiritual action plan to aim for my spiritual mission in life. Perhaps that is why St. Paul referred to living our Christian faith as running towards the goal - the goal is to always STRIVE "to win the prize, which is God's Call through Christ Jesus to the life above (cf. Philippians 3:12-14). To do that, we must train our hearts and mind to be able to listen to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. The Voice of God is gentle - we need to train our hearts to be silent. To do so, we must have the discipline to have daily personal prayer and meditation and partaking of the Sacraments of the Church as often as we can. Yes, many Catholics pray but it is often a recitation of devotional prayers and novenas - always asking God for something for ourselves or our loved ones only! Are we making time in our lives to ponder, meditate and allow God to speak to our hearts - how we can achieve His mission for us on earth? In fact, we need to pray and discern our Call. God will reveal His Plan.
Here I have to share an important fact based on my journey in trying to answer God's Call. When I was asked to serve full-time in the Divine-Potta Ministry, I was never told what I would be doing in the ministry. All I was told was that the Directors had prayed individually and agreed that "God has a Call for you to serve full-time in the ministry and that God will slowly reveal His Plan for you." It was a brief discussion and to my great surprise I found myself saying a simple "Okay" and getting a huge smile from Fr. Augustine. Why was I able to? It was not a spur of the moment answer. I had been praying intensely for over two years to discern how God wanted to me serve Him. But I never ever imagined or entertained the idea of full-time ministry. My career was my whole life! In my prayer journal, I had written down bible verses which showed clearly God was calling me to serve Him and in my notes, one of the sentences was "Father (Fr. Augustine) will ask you." I had written this on 14 September 2004 (Feast of the Triumph of the Cross) and Father asked me on 11 October 2004. So though I was unprepared (to be truthful I did not understand or even think of the message until Father asked me), it is why I could give a nearly instant "YES" answer without any detailed questions. My soul was ready! There was no need to ask nitty-gritty questions for I knew after my first retreat what my personal Christian mission was in my heart. I felt a great peace and inner joy within. What was needed was that I take the leap of FAITH - the action to live my mission.
To answer God's Call, it takes trust. I certainly do not even consider I had the faith of a tiny part of a mustard seed. Looking back, I believe, what was important was my desire and openness of heart to trust Jesus to lead me by the hand. I did not ask Fr. Augustine what I would do within the Divine-Potta ministry. I did not demand to see or know all the "i's" and "t's" dotted out clearly in God 's Plan for my life in India. If I were to wait for that, I would definitely still be where I was in Singapore even now - for I would never have the courage to live the life I have had the past 11 years. It was very difficult for my family to accept my decision or understand why I would choose to do this. I think now they are resigned to it as I have chosen this life for 11 years now. :)
Has God placed a call or a spiritual goal/mission for you to achieve in your life? All of us will have a spiritual mission if we are a baptized Catholic. The question is whether we have actually bothered to truly have an open two-way relationship with God and commit ourselves to action as per Jesus' final command to every Christian - "Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all mankind." (Mark 16:15)
There are a multitude of ways to serve God. Jesus needs each of us. He has made each of us unique - to build up the Kingdom of God here on earth. We cannot all be doing the same thing. The best way is to be part of a Catholic community in church or having a circle of committed Catholic friends who will pray and have regular joyful fellowship together. Prayer is the "spiritual glue" that keeps our heart and mind centred on Christ and with each other for the dream God has placed in our hearts - that is the Promise of God's Word. "Again I say to you, that if two fo you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by my Father in heaven." (Matthew 18:19)
Committed Catholics are needed in every sphere of life e.g. political, legal, medical, financial, educational and sporting fields. Hence a Catholic has really no excuse to say "I am too busy to serve God" - you and I have to serve and live for Jesus wherever we are. It is not about thumping bibles or keep preaching about God. It is about living and exemplifying Jesus' Presence in us. What did I gain most from this annual retreat by Colin? It is about the IMPORTANCE of having DISCIPLINE, INTEGRITY and GOALS for GOD's SPIRITUAL PLAN in my life. It is about PERSEVERING until I reach the gates of Heaven. Jesus is never going to force any of us. His Love is so great that He gives us free will. Yet, our human will often takes precedence. When our lives are hectic, I often hear people saying they have given up their church ministry as the first thing to be stopped. It is not their gym sessions (which is more than once a week), watching television, evenings out with friends or networking for their careers. The one morning or night a week they would spend a few hours serving God is the first to be cut out. So what really is the priority in life - the world or God? Why not take a break from the gym or other social activities instead? I love this quote of Rick Warren - "Faithful servants never retire. You can retire from your career, but you will never retire from serving God."
This retreat further strengthened my heart's conviction that the dream I believe our Lord has placed in my heart is the CONSTANT in my life. I need to fully respond as Jesus did on earth - "To do the Will of My Father."Everything else in life pales in comparison. What truly matters is fulfilling God's Desire and Plan for my life. It is a life-long goal and I need to put my best effort into this important life mission. I cannot be doing just the same things I first did when I became aware of God's Call. Much prayer, discernment, discipline, character, integrity and spiritual creativity is needed to constantly challenge myself to strive for the main prize - running the best race in my journey of faith. It means giving top priority to God's Plan in my life not on my worldly personal plans. Have I been procrastinating? Have I been spiritually lazy to put off goals I feel called in my heart to do for our Lord? Have I put Jesus as the centre of my life? Have I truly prayed and discerned what Jesus is asking of me and seeking His Blessings and Guidance to help me plan? Have I prayed for all my friends with whom I will be serving together for our Lord? Being a Catholic is being a community - we have to learn to unite our prayers and serve together.
Nothing on this earth will matter as much as living for our Heavenly Father who created us - you and me - for the manifestation of His Glory. We leave behind everything else on earth when we die. All we can take is how we lived striving endlessly with Joy, Zeal and Commitment to fulfill our personal Christian mission on earth. Each of us have a Christian mission - what and how you and I respond to God's Plan in doing His Will in our life will be the final answer we get when we complete our finite earthly life.
The YouTube music video at the top of this post - "DO SOMETHING" by Matthew West truly galvanized my heart. I think it will be my 2015 personal ministry theme song - to spur me on. Eternity beckons...
Prayer keeps our sight focused on God, so that the more prayerful one’s life is, the more one is aware of God’s call, His plan, and His promise. A life rooted in prayer is a life lived in the context of God’s grace.
---from St. Anthony Messenger
