Will I ever consider my life is going just the way I had planned it? Am I getting too old to still believe I can accept risks and face personal trials to aspire to achieve for deeply felt dreams in my heart? Well, one thing is for sure - life never gets easier. It is challenging regardless of whichever phase of life or age we are at!
There have been many times I have had people tell me that I am lucky because I do not have to work in the secular world and face all the pressure and challenges of trying to be successful and still living for Christ. I guess looking at those of us who serve as volunteers in a mission, it might seem we are living a life without problems, trials and personal struggles. Yet having worked for 16 years in the corporate world before serving voluntarily now in a mission for over 9 years, neither is easier than the other. Each has its distinct challenges!
While on holiday these past two weeks, I realized two friends in different parts of the world going through very difficult "dark nights of the soul". I really felt it in my heart for them for I know what I go through in my life too. Both my friends are loving, generous and doing their best to faithfully live for Christ in the different Call God has given them. There are moments we question what we have chosen to do in our lives as we try to discern and live God's Will in our life.
I do not think we can ever give a "correct" answer to anyone - just as I know no one can give an answer to me so that my life and my ministry will be smooth and secure and devoid of anxieties and fears. Why is this so? After much soul-searching, I know going through this "dark nights of the soul" is a way Jesus strengthens and purify our love to do His Will. The plan God has for me can never be bad for me-or for you! Yet, it is NEVER easy to persevere in our struggles, face the disappointments we will have to undergo and even of the times we know we fail miserably in living the way God wants us to. For some reason, I forget the wonderful moments of joy and peace God has blessed me in my chosen path. Then the question will arise - can I totally dedicate my life to serving Christ?
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| My Mum taken last Sunday! |
Well, I have been with my mother these past two weeks. It has reminded me how her life has gone through many unplanned and difficult changes/challenges. Yet now in her early eighties, my mother is filled with inner peace. It makes me wonder if I could ever attain this "peace" my Mum has in her life. She has always - even now - firmly believes God is looking after her and her family as long as she places her trust and believes in Jesus' Providence. She is a person who always has Hope in God even when she was an orphan in her early teens and faced many struggles along with my late father in providing a good education for my seven siblings and me. I believe that is why my Mum still has the special peace when we look at her despite the ailments she face due to her age. Only God can give us this blessed inner peace.
I came on this holiday having many things on my mind - a number of it due to questions some close family and friends have in their love and concern for me have asked me of my future over the past few years. Well, one thing I can freely admit...my mind and heart can have such contrasting convictions. The logic of the world and the promise of material security I should aspire for especially for my "retirement years" cannot be ignored. Yet, so far, I have not yet felt the deep prompting in my heart for God's Call for me to do something different as per His Will in my life. How will I ever know what is God's Will in my life? I was just listening to a talk by our priest director which really touched my heart deeply. Fr. Augustine asked, "How do I know what is best for me? How will I know what is the right plan for my life? I need to wait upon God for that is how God makes us mature in our faith." Father reminded us that is why St. Paul in Romans Chapter 5 says, '"Waiting and suffering will lead us to endurance; endurance to character; character to hope' - a Hope that will never disappoint us!"
I see the truth of this Promise of the Word of God in my mother. I cannot ignore what I see with my own eyes - I believe it is a clear case of God showing me I NEED to trust in Him with a deep faith that is forged by pain, trials, struggles, joy and zeal. I have seen it on the faces of some of my parents' friends too of a similar age and many others around the world in the golden years of their life. They are just ordinary people - not famous or doing great things as perceived by the world. Yet they are the powerful, shining "Lights of Christ" in our world. If we take the time to slow down and really take good look at the people Jesus has put in our lives, we know that there are these special people in our workplace, our missions, our families, our church and in our communities. They are the ones who will be there for us to lift us up - to never give up and to share the beautiful Hope of Jesus to try ONE more time, whatever it takes, to live for Jesus every day of our life
The touching YouTube music video, "THE WORDS I WOULD SAY" by the SIDEWALK PROPHETS spoke to my heart. I hope it does to each of you too!
