Divine’s 32nd National Family Renewal week – “From Glory to Glory” (2 Corinthians 3:18) had just ended on Friday. It was an incredible week with nearly 3500 retreatants in our English campus. It was wonderful to see people of all ages around as there was special retreats for Youth, Couples, Children and Tiny tots! I felt like I had to go through an obstacle course to get to my room as there were people everywhere during the meal breaks. It has been like this for the whole month of May! Yet over the years, I have had a great change in my view of being in the midst of crowds here in Divine. I have always felt claustrophobic since my school days being in the midst of many people. I would often begin to hyperventilate, feel faint and get anxiety attacks. I never like having people seated or standing too close on either side of me – yes till today! Well, being in this retreat centre, one cannot escape the crowds especially during the special retreats. But I now feel very happy seeing this retreat centre filled to the brim – it means that there are so many people being called by God to be in His Presence and to be empowered by the Holy Spirit to carry out our one mission in life. And what is that mission? Our Director, Fr. Augustine Vallooran’s homily during the final mass on Friday left no one in doubt – our ONE reason to live is to spread the Message of Love of our God!
It is the Feast of Pentecost today. I am just so grateful for the beautiful transforming Touch of God upon my heart and mind when I least expected it. I did not know my ministry was being affected yet that is what I realized has been happening these past 10 months. Although, I still love being a part of the Divine mission, I had lost the edge in my zeal and passion in my life. I was not fully aware I was doing so. I had gone through a difficult period in my life last year and the best way I could handle it was to not “feel” for others or anything (including my ministry!) the way I usually did. When I was detached and focussed on the work aspect of my ministry, it helped me focus and carry on. The last thing I needed was any more major upheavals in my life. I felt numbed and a sense of disconnect even with people I care greatly for. Even then, I thought it was for my own good.
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| Fr. Michael Payyapilly V.C. |
God obviously decided I needed a wake-up call and it began with one of the most amazing Holy Mass celebration I have experienced in my life – by Fr. Michael Payyapilly V.C., Assistant Director of this retreat centre. Fr. Michael who had fallen and hurt his knee badly had with great love and courage given one of the most inspiring homilies I have heard him preach! The deep anointing and Presence of the Holy Spirit during this Youth Mass celebration on Wednesday was incredibly powerful. I remember weeping silently from the “Lord Have Mercy” until the Prayer before Communion – “This is the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world.” A few Youths (boys) who were seated ahead of me had also wept silently at some parts during the Mass.
I actually felt the weight of a veil enveloping me completely. It was the second time in my life I had this vivid experience. The first time was also in Divine in mid-May 2004! I just realized it now as I am writing - then it led to me agreeing to return back to India a month later and serve what I thought would be a 6-month stint. Well, I am still here! Obviously if I had any idea then I would be here 8 years later, I seriously doubt I would have agreed. It is a good thing my human wisdom will never prevail against God’s Wisdom!
Fr. Michael’s words unravelled the defensive cocoon I had been living in. I felt Jesus speaking to me directly through Fr. Michael - “You have every right to be here. I have chosen you to be here. I am committed to you. I want you to be with Me. Be committed to me. I want you to live for me. Forget about everything else. I am with you!” It is when the healing process started in my heart. Though it will take time, I know my heart is safe with God. I need to wait, pray, listen and do what God wants of me. Nothing else should hinder me - not people, circumstances or my own feelings.
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| Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C. |
Fr. Augustine’s Friday homily continued to pierce my heart as he shared the meaning of the Gospel passage Luke 10:38-42 about Martha and Mary. While Martha was being busy doing all the housework and cooking and serving Jesus and the other guests, Mary was just sitting at the Feet of Jesus and listening to Jesus. When Martha complained about Mary, Jesus told her -”Indeed only one thing is necessary and Mary has chosen the better part." (Luke 10:42)
What was the problem? Fr. Augustine explained that while Martha was doing the right things, she had the wrong attitude. Now that was a bull’s-eye hit to my heart! By trying to to live my life in a “detached way”, love which was always the source of my great passion was being suppressed and hence the edge I always had – my zeal for my ministry and my life was affected. I would like to share SOME EXCERPTS OF FR. AUGUSTINE'S HOMILY that is wisdom-filled and practical for us in our daily life:
In the Gospel passage above, Jesus is speaking of the restructuring of our lives. We cannot live as we do today. We will continue to be worried, troubled, sad, humiliated, betrayed and judgemental.
What is it that tires us? It is not hard physical work. It is the mental stress – it is the negative emotions that tire us.
The necessary thing in life is to sit at the Feet of Jesus and listen to God’s Voice!
How can we reorder/restructure our way of living? We MUST listen to the Voice of God and be in His Presence. Jesus has promised us, “You abide in Me and I will abide in you.” (John 15:4)
Why is it we cannot hear the Voice of God? We need to understand the beautiful passage from the First Book of Samuel Chapter 3, verse 1 onwards. There is a very special explanation why Samuel did not know the Voice of God - “Samuel was not familiar with the voice of God. (1 Samuel 3:6)
That is the BIG challenge to each of us. WAIT and PRAY – listen to what God has to say!
Before we make any new decisions, we must make our life a continued obedience to God. I must only go where God wants me to go. I must wait and pray. We are not ready to be patient. We are used to an “instant” culture wanting things our way (ego prevails).
When conflicts in family and institutions arise, it is the experience of God that must prevail. We must be ready to be servants of God. ‘What does God want to tell me? I must always be ready to listen to God’s Voice.
When the Holy Spirit is in us, we will bear fruit – "But the Spirit produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, humility and self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23)
What does it mean to have the Fruit of the Spirit? We must do only one thing – ABIDE IN JESUS!
Whatever happens to me, I will turn to Jesus who will tell ne what I am to do / how I am to take it. I will get the consolation and hope of the Holy Spirit.
If you decide to love, you must be ready to be hurt. There is pain but there is a second movement in my heart – Turn to Jesus! Speak to Jesus! Listen to Jesus!
When love flows into hurt, the pain and anger vanishes.
It Is not easy to write of this personal experience in my life – but if it helps even one friend in a small way, then it is worth sharing! I am blessed to be constantly inspired and challenged by the anointed preaching of Fr. Augustine and Fr. Michael – a wonderful Grace from God!
God has called each of us to spread His Message of Love to the world. Below is a YouTube pictorial video set to an apt hymn - “NO TURNING BACK” - written and sung by Divine’s Singing Couple, Glen and Teresa La Rive. I have included photos of the Anointing Session of the 32nd National Family Renewal Week Retreat.
Let us thank God for His Spirit in us that make our life
beautiful!, vibrant and alive!!!
