I was focusing on my own struggles and how silent I felt Jesus was in hearing and answering my prayers. It dawned on me that I was so blessed I could be part of the Lenten mission to assist in sharing Jesus' Immense Love for every human being. Not just those who are holy but for every living being. So many retreatants shared with me their gratitude and joy of the fruit of the retreat they experienced. And here I was, losing hope because it seemed unclear how I could continue to answer God's Call in my life and to take care of my personal life.
Always a Joy...
Tuesday, 18 April 2023
"LIFE IS GOD's NOVEL. LET HIM WRITE IT" (Isaac Bashevis Singer)
Monday, 29 August 2022
MY SPIRITUAL JOURNEY: "DO WHATEVER HE TELLS YOU TO DO" (MOTHER MARY)
Moving back to Malaysia in November 2020, after living overseas for 23 years, has been a challenging transition. It was difficult after being in full-time ministry for 16 ½ years too. While I listened to the clear voice within me saying with great clarity, “Go back to Malaysia” and acted upon it, it was an enormous act of faith for me. I bought the one-way ticket on a mercy mission flight to Kuala Lumpur within 3 hours and left most of my personal stuff in India when I left 2 weeks later, at the height of the (pre-vaccine) COVID-19 pandemic. It was a complete surprise to me. I had no plans to live in Malaysia again as I am one of those Malaysians who love Malaysia when I am far away! Plus, I had no place to stay in Malaysia and my siblings lived in different countries. Our Lord sent me a wonderful friend who was an angel in my time of great need, Jeniffer Fernandez, who had been offering me a place to stay since the pandemic began. I will always be grateful for her love and care during my 1st 3 months in Malaysia. I will never forget my friends and siblings who rallied to help me live in Malaysia again. It was like living in a new country. :)
Being in India at the start of the pandemic was difficult. In Kerala, India, we were in lockdown from mid-February 2020 until I left on 07 November 2020. To put it mildly, it is one thing being in isolation at home, but when a busy retreat centre is closed, It is difficult to explain how strange one feels. No one could leave the campus; People all over the world were getting used to the working from home (WFH) setup. It was not at all an issue with me. Most of my ministry was online from my 1st day (18 June 2004) of full-time service in Divine-Potta ministry.
There were only six passengers (including me) on the mercy mission flight. The emotions I experienced as I was on the flight were indescribable. I had no clue what my future was. In fact, I had no inkling of what path my life was taking. I was numb from exhaustion from all the clearing and packing I had tried to do in India - not knowing when I could return to India. It was very unsettling. Why was I back in
Malaysia? There is limited scope for Catholic mission work. It was when I started my 2 weeks hotel quarantine that I realized—it is a whole NEW beginning in my faith
journey and life. What did I do? Well, I slept for nearly 3 whole days!
While it happened swiftly, this phase of my life's journey began 2 years earlier. I experienced an “epiphany moment” during the 1st night of the Kerala Floods on 16 August 2018–an unexpected experience out of the blue. I "saw" a clear vision (I was wide awake) and heard a pure, clear voice of great clarity in my heart. The 1st question was, “Susan, are you answering God’s Call in your life?” My spontaneous heart’s response was “No!” It shook me. There was no electricity and about 12 feet of swift floodwaters.
1st Day of Kerala Floods - 16 August 2018 afternoon
On 11 July last year, during the online Monthly Friday
Healing Adoration in Holy Family Church, Doveton, Australia, Fr. Michael Payyapilly V. C. called out my name
with this message, “Open your heart to Jesus and
he will lead your vocation to journeys that you would never have thought about
– journeys that will bring fruits for His Glory.” This message came when I had questions
about how I could continue to answer God’s Call.
Yet I was very unsettled in Malaysia until January
this year, not knowing why God brought me back. An inner peace came into my
heart of trusting Jesus with my life. The message regarding my vocation last
year was like a little sapling sprouting from a grain of wheat. In April 2022, I
returned to India to make the final closure of my life in India–it was 16 ½
years! It was a journey of great inner peace and joy. There was no sadness.
On 19 August 2022, the 1st night of the 9-day online Novena & Consecration
of the Immaculate Heart of Mary by Fr, Michael Payyapilly V.C. (now the Superior in Divine Retreat Centre Colombo, Sri Lanka), my name was the first name called out and the
Holy Spirit-inspired message was, “The Lord touches your heart. The Lord strengthens
your heart.” At the start of this 9-day Consecration, I had made a brief prayer, “O God, if it is Your Will, Please give me a message to inspire
me to live for You.” Praise God for His Loving answer! For the 1st
time since 2018, I could pray freely in tongues spontaneously. The painful
frozen right shoulder I had since June 2021 has vanished by over 90%! I
can lift both my hands upright with no pain since Day 1. I feel so much joy and
inspiration in my heart and mind ever since the Consecration began.
Immediately after Day 2, I felt a great holy zeal to begin the 4 initiatives placed in my heart since 2018. I had done a lot of praying and thinking—the time has come to take action! Fr. Michael shared this point about discipleship in one of his talks during this Consecration. I have begun the 4 evangelization initiatives and started my research/outlines of the projects. What seemed burdensome is now exciting and seems effortless. There is no more doubt within me or fear of the future. It is only this year I have felt the genuine joy of praying the Holy Rosary and a personal closeness to Mother Mary. It was a struggle before.
Blessed Family Memories
During this time, my mother returned to our Lord on 13 July 2022. It was a time of grief and a time of joy. My Mum's pilgrimage on earth is over. She earned her crown after her last race on earth. She had a holy death receiving the Anointing of the Sick and Holy Communion the day before. It was a deeply touching funeral mass by His Excellency Bishop Sebastian Francis. It brought great comfort to our hearts. Today is my late parents' wedding anniversary.
Do I know clearly what is my life
going to be like in Malaysia or on my vocation journey? No, I do not know. What
I know is the Call of God in my heart and the path being lit by
Christ’s Light for me to act in faith. I praise and thank Jesus for helping me
to discern and to take action in living for Him. Consecrating my family and my
life to the Immaculate Heart of Mary has been a most beautiful and grace-filled
experience.
Like St. Philip. I want to be "always available for God".
The YouTube hymn at the top of this post, "Stand Still and Let God Move" by The Isaacs", resonated in my heart when I heard it 3 days ago.
O Mother Mary, lead me to Jesus! Amen.
Monday, 27 September 2021
St. Vincent de Paul - My Life's Inspiration
Today, 27 September 2021 is the Feast Day of St. Vincent de
Paul.
St. Vincent has inspired Catholics all over the world to
serve the poor and the marginalized by his life and to live the Word of God,
"Go, and do likewise." (Luke 10:37)
Let us be the change that our world need especially during the current Covid-19 pandemic.
We can still reach out to others no matter what our
circumstances in life. If our heart is open to God as St. Vincent de Paul was,
there is always an abundance of graces to love and act to help the poor and
marginalized.
Whenever I feel down during the big upheaval in my life in
this pandemic, I reflect on the inspiring
quotes of Catholic Saints. St. Vincent’s words and his life often gives me a correct perspective on what should matter in my life–even when I do not know what lies ahead.
What I know is I will not give up or settle for
second-best as my heart burns with great fire to live for Jesus. Hence,
whatever will be God’s Plan for me, it will be to aspire to live what St.
Vincent has exemplified in his life.
It is not sufficient for me to love God if I do not love my neighbour. I belong to God and to the poor."
–St. Vincent de Paul
It is difficult when life is in a flux, and I do not know what lies ahead. This pandemic and long period of isolation have showed
that without Jesus, my life would be one of hopelessness and despair. When I ponder each day on the blessings in my
life, I am so grateful for how Jesus is with me even when I go through bouts of uncertainty
regarding God’s Plan for my life.
What I know is that I needed this time to
recalibrate my life to live with joy and zeal for Jesus once again.
To let go of all that had cluttered my life. It is only in August this year
that I finally felt liberated to live as how I feel called by God. Not to what is
being expected of me. What does God want
of me? How do I do so with the Joy of our Lord? There are no immediate answers.
Life in Kuala Lumpur has blessed me. I have a
great circle of loving Catholic friends whose faith are like bright burning
lights of Christ in my life. So even if my light gets dimmed, their light will
ensure mine brightens up again. This is
the embodiment of our Catholic faith. We are a community of Christ and we are never
alone. Ours is a living faith because
Jesus is alive every single moment - in
our past, our present and in our future!
The Word of God (Matthew 6:25-27) has always
been one passage in the Bible that gives me great strength and hope:
“25 Therefore I tell you,
do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your
body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than
clothes?
26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or
reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are
you not much more valuable than they?
27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour
to your life[a]?
(Matthew 6:25-27)
Some little every day joys are that I have cooked more this
year than I have my entire life! Cooking was never a priority for me. Yet now,
I truly enjoy cooking. I am learning to cook dishes that reminds me of my
childhood and all the special occasions – my Mum’s cooking. I have even learnt
to cook Kerala dishes now that I am out of India. I have tried my hand in
baking recently too. And yes, my siblings and close friends have to view the
pictures of my culinary adventures.
It has been very uplifting to read and reflect–both on spiritual and inspirational readings. I love reading and to rediscover it
again is a special joy.
There is such a wealth of online talks and prayers by so
many priests worldwide. I do not view many daily, but I do so as I am inspired
each day - usually not over two spiritual talks.
My greatest treasure is the Holy Bible during my personal prayer time. It is my time with Jesus. The peace I feel in my heart is hard to explain. Every day, Jesus shows His Spirit can convey His message to me through the Bible, Holy Mass homily, daily rosary with a prayer group, YouTube videos, WhatsApp messages, social media and calls from friends.
St. Vincent de Paul was renowned for his compassion,
humility and generosity. These qualities come when we open our hearts for Jesus in
total surrender. It is not when we have wealth. Even when we have little material wealth, if we
have “agape love” as our life’s principle, there is always an act of love or
mercy that you and I can do.
An enduring memory I will always carry in my heart is the
pure joy and love I have experienced among the poor in India. Often it made me
reflect on the fact that when we have comfortable lives, we take it for granted
and we want more. God must hear endless petitions of our “wants”. But have we
really petitioned to Jesus for our actual needs? To have the gift of faith, compassion, holiness, Christian service, humility,
true repentance, to be faithful to God–the list is endless. Our goal is to be
in Heaven. It is not our job titles, life-savings or material wealth that will
get us there. It is about how we live our lives with whatever we have for Love
and Glory of our Lord, Jesus.
So let us not despair when the going is tough. Jesus is
always with us. He has promised us. “Do not be afraid. I am with you.”
(Isaiah 43:5)
I will forever be grateful
to God for the Vincentian spirituality transforming my life from 14 February
1998 through the Vincentian Fathers of the Divine-Potta ministry in India. I guess
I am a Vincentian in spirit.
The video at the
top of this post, St. Vincent de Paul’s Inspiring Quotes 2021, is the first
music reflection video I have done this year. I wish each of you and your loved
ones a Blessed Feast Day!
Tuesday, 1 June 2021
BRENDAN PEREIRA: REMEMBERING GOD'S GRACE DURING COVID-19 RECOVERY
The Covid-9 pandemic has taken a toll on our world, our families and loved ones. In Malaysia it is rampaging out of control. Today, we went into a Mandatory Control Order nationwide until 14 June 2021. It has brought fear and anxiety for most of us. It has also become more personal than when it began last year. This year, a few weeks ago, the Divine-Potta ministry lost a much-loved priest to this virus which seems to have imprisoned people across the world. I will share on this in a later post.
Today, with great joy, I would like to share the personal written experience of a very close friend, Brendan and his wife, Kherk Ying when they were both hospitalized after testing positive despite following all the guidelines that we all have to live with now.
To have fear is not a sin. We are all humans. To overcome our fear and to let Jesus be in control is what we have to keep in our hearts.
Below is the heart-provoking testimony by Brendan Pereira of the tough 10 days he learnt to surrender it all to God. Brendan and Kherk Ying were discharged on his birthday. A blessed gift from God!
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I pray. I have faith. I think of God often. In recent years, I have become in every sense, a practising Catholic, someone proud that I belong to this wonderful umbrella of believers who follow the epitome of LOVE.
Catholics make up the bulk of my friends, and I am blessed to have the examples of holiness in my parents, my sisters, uncles, aunts and priests.
Correction: I am beyond blessed.
And yet. And yet.
Yet when the Covid-19 curve ball struck my wife and I recently, I became unhinged. I went on a roller coaster of emotions. It made me too anxious to be a disciple of Christ.
My encounter with the dastardly virus was mild in comparison to my wife who came down with pneumonia and had breathing difficulties. We admitted ourselves into hospital and her situation was tricky for a few days.
I have had time to reflect on our illness and the role faith and the prayers of others played in our episode. I think it can be broken up into 2 parts.
BEFORE ALLOWING THE HOLY SPIRIT...
I called priests here and overseas, asking for prayers the minute we were admitted to hospital and it became obvious that this was not a Panadol illness. Just walking past the ICU and seeing patients in ventilators set off my worry meter.
Several priests prayed and gave such sound advice, selecting comforting passages from the Bible and reminding how Jesus healed Peter's mother-in-law. My sisters were pillars of faith, as always. So were my relatives.
But I couldn't shake off the desolation. The sounds of the hospital-the wailing from a nearby room and the Code Blue in the ICU and the different rhythm of Kherk Ying's breathing - disturbed my peace.
In short, the noises of the world shut out the Voice of the Lord.
Peace was elusive because I allowed fear, anxiety and every worst-case scenario to take control. I PRAYED BUT DIDN'T TRUST IN GOD. DIDN'T TRUST THAT HE IS IN CONTROL ALL THE TIME - and in every situation.
Must have been frustrating for God. Here I was pleading for His help but unwilling to receive His help.
But Our God is patient. He waits, and He will wait.
AFTER ALLOWING CHRIST TO TAKE CONTROL...
Peace only returned to my heart after four or five days in hospital, after I prayed for God to breathe His Spirit into me and into Kherk Ying's lungs as He did to the Apostles on the Pentecost.
I started thinking less of ifs and what ifs. I committed Kherk Ying to the Lord and asked God to guide the doctor who was treating us. My sister Yvette urged me to just focus on praising God. Sensible advice really because when we focus on the fount of goodness, faithfulness and might, there is less chance of being caught up with the slavery of the self. Me, myself, my family and I
Looking back, I am embarrassed at how easily I lost trust in God when things went awry, how easily I allowed fear to envelope me, how swiftly doubt took control. But that is the pride in me speaking.
Nothing worse than believing that you truly are a follower of Christ just because you pray, go to mass daily and do all the externals.
We live and learn to be better disciples every day, all the while appreciating that all things are only possible with His grace.
My wife and I are back home, grateful and so thankful to the army of believers who prayed for us with such faith and fervour.
I am grateful to God for healing us and for teaching me about humility and what it means to surrender to His will.
When I look back at this episode, I see the Hand of God everywhere, from sending us to the right hospital at a time when beds are so scarce for Covid patients to the wonderful family, friends and strangers who became His agents of love and mercy.
May you all be blessed.
St Augustine was spot on.
"Lord, You have made us for Yourself and our hearts are restless until they rest in You."
So true.
May we always remember God's goodness and faithfulness. May we always cling to and invite the Holy Trinity to take charge and never forget that we have recourse to our family in Nazareth.
We are beyond blessed!
Brendan Pereira (Malaysia)
Thursday, 4 February 2021
STORMING HEAVEN - COVID-19 TESTIMONY OF THE POWER OF HOLY NAME OF JESUS ( by Annie Heng, Malaysia)
The
testimony below is of the amazing Power of the Holy Name of Jesus and the faith
of loving family and friends. Annie Heng is a friend of mine, but I did not
know of the great trial and miracles in her family's life until Annie shared
her testimony with me this morning.
In Annie's own words, we rejoice and give thanks and praise to Jesus' miracles in her family.
Jeremy Yang and Annie Heng (2020) |
My
husband, Jeremy Yang was down with fever and throbbing headaches on 14 January
2021. He went to see a doctor on 17 January, did the RTK-antigen Covid-19
test and the result was negative. However, the symptoms persisted and
another Covid-19 test using the RT-PCR method was done. It confirmed our
worst fears when the clinic called on 20 Jan to inform that he was Covid-19
positive.
As
advised by The Ministry of Health (MOH), my husband quarantined at home and
managed the fever and headaches with paracetamol. On 22 January
evening, Jeremy had breathing difficulty. We contacted MOH and asked to
ring 999 for emergency help. They connected us to the hospital and were
told to send Jeremy to the hospital directly.
On
the evening of 25 January, Jeremy’s condition deteriorated. The doctor
called my son, Alvin, to inform that Jeremy was critical and there was no
ventilator for him. My heart sank when I received the news. I was lost
and helpless. I contacted my family and friends to pray. That very
night, the hospital called again to inform us that Jeremy was to be intubated
and put on a ventilator! That was God’s intervention! Praise God, Praise
His Holy Name!
The
next day, Jeremy’s condition was categorized as Stage 5, meaning most critical
because of his age and underlying conditions, and there was a risk of
mortality. His lungs were very weak. My heart was very heavy as I
prepared for the worst. Friends encouraged me not to lose hope but to continue
praying.
By now, many in our family, friends, priests and various prayer groups have been storming heaven for my husband. We also sent petitions for prayers to the Vincentian Retreat Centres in Melbourne and Sydney. During this time I attended a 3-day online retreat, IN THE HOLY NAME OF JESUS, organized by the Vincentian Retreat Centre in Melbourne. On 26 January 2021, Day 1 of the retreat, I cried out to Jesus with all my heart and soul to give Jeremy a second chance in life. Many members of my family observed a day of fast for this intention. On 27 January, Day 2 of the retreat, the heaviness in my heart disappeared and I experienced calmness and peace.
At
about 7.40 p.m. the same night, Alvin received a call from the hospital to
inform us that Jeremy's ventilator was removed and he was breathing on his own!
I could not believe the news and kept asking Alvin if he heard it correctly, as
Jeremy was in critical condition just 3 days ago. I cried and kept thanking God
with all my heart. That night we had a video call with Jeremy with the help of
a nurse. Seeing him alive was unbelievable, and I cannot stop praising
and thanking Jesus for what He had done. The following day, they
moved Jeremy out of the ICU ward. He progressed well and they discharged Jeremy
from the hospital on 1 February 2021.
While
Jeremy was recuperating, I asked him if he would like to follow my faith, and
be a Catholic. His response was an immediate "YES". My
joy is indescribable. May God’s Name be glorified!
This
entire episode is indeed a miracle! United as an army of Christ, we
stormed heaven together to save a soul. To all who have been part of this
miracle, I pray you are blessed abundantly with Jesus' love, peace and joy.
If you asked anything of me in my
name, I will do it.
(John 4:14)
Jesus said to her, “Did I not
tell you that if you believe you will see the glory of God?”
(John 11:40)
Friday, 25 December 2020
CHRISTMAS 2020 - GOD IS WITH US!
Monday, 28 September 2020
YOUR PERSONAL CONVERSION STORY MATTERS TO JESUS!
St. Vincent like many saints we read about had a huge personal conversion of his heart for Jesus. That moment of personal conversion was his inspiration to not only preach the Word of God through popular missions in parishes but also to serve the poor. Like the Samaritan Man, helping the poor was not an option. It was Jesus command to all of us, "Go and do likewise."(Luke 10:37)