GOD’S DIVINE GIFT TO ME- WHAT FAITH CAN DO...

I am a “night owl” – according to my Mum even as a baby! She always put it down to the fact that I was born at 3.00 a.m. (well, 3.05 a.m. according to my birth certificate). So at around 3.30 a.m. yesterday, I was still up and in my office working. Then it struck me again - on 18 June (today!), it will be my 9^th anniversary of serving fulltime in Divine Retreat Centre! Feeling quite incredulous that I have been here so long in India, I actually looked into the mirror of my compact powder, pinched my left cheek and stared at my reflection. I asked myself. “Do you know what you are doing with your life?”. I just stared at my reflection and then began smiling. As I celebrate my 9^th “Divine” Anniversary, I know ONE thing for sure.  My life has been beyond what I could ever imagine before. I have not just had a God-encounter once but now a life filled with God-experiences…through all the joyful, grieving, difficult, frustrating and exciting circumstances of my 9 years in Divine

God is still teaching me on a daily basis to put Him first – not my feelings or my personal desires but for what is good for the mission He planned for me. I know how true this Promise of the Word of God has been in my life – “For I know what I have planned for you,’ says the Lord. ‘I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope. When you call out to me and come to me in prayer, I will hear your prayers. When you seek me in prayer and worship, you will find me available to you. If you seek me with all your heart and soul,” (Jeremiah 29:11-13)

What have I learnt here in these 9 years in Divine? I have learnt how my faith in God is definitely much, much tinier than a mustard seed – it Is microscopic. Well, otherwise, I will be doing miracles like moving mountains.! J God had to strip from me the layers of my self-ego, my personal desires, my personal plans where my focus was on “what I wanted” to learn to live for what God wants of me. it is like peeling one’s skin off slowly– so I have had to really go through experiences that at times seemed beyond what I thought I could handle. In my heart, I would be pleading to our Lord, “I have had enough! Why did you pluck me from my previous life in Singapore?…Why? Why?” Here I am not knowing what are my future plans! In ministry, there are no guarantees so it is difficult to make concrete plans of what I will do in 2 or 5 years time. I tell my friends that for a person who always had personal 3 and 5 year personal plans since I was a college student, this has been the BIGGEST challenge of my ministry. I cannot plan for what I want to do. Now, I do not have a multi-national company’s financial resources and a really talented well-paid team of staff to execute plans.

Here I am in the midst of Vincentian priests and lay volunteers who have come from all over India, who like me, have somehow answered the Call God has placed in our hearts. It is not by our personal doing or because we are “holy and worthy”, It is by the Grace of God that He blessed us with - to learn what “FAITH” can do in our lives. It Is not easy – as volunteers we do not have any employment or retirement benefits. We have no idea how long we are even going to serve here. It is not possible to plan for these “security” buffer that would have been our main priority in the working world. So why are we doing it? Why am I still here after 9 years? Despite all these “needs of the world:”, I have seen and experienced the Power of Jesus with my own eyes and in my life – the amazing healing miracles that have taken place during the weekly retreats In Divine; the nearly unbelievable testimonies of people who came back to share their miracle healings, and the incredible number of testimonies via letters and emails that are sent here. 

I personally know a friend who was healed of Stage 3 cancer upon her return to Singapore! Her doctors were puzzled at the drastic change in her X-rays! Praise God! Another friend is still battling cancer but she has tremendous courage and peace in Jesus – by her faith in Him, she accepts her cross patiently.  I have only read some of these thousands of testimonies Divine receives yearly from those suffering illnesses, childless couples, those having financial difficulties, broken marriages and so forth. Many others have just shared verbally. For anyone who thinks Jesus stopped performing miracles once He returned to Heaven, I invite them to come and experience a retreat in Divine. Jesus touches everyone who turns to Him in faith – He does not do so looking at our religion but our faith in Him – JESUS CHRIST! Around thirty percent (30%) of the weekly retreatants in Divine are non-Christians – Hindus, Buddhists, Muslims, agnostics, atheists and so forth. A few years ago, I vividly recall a retreatant from Tanzania who did a few consecutive retreats here for about a month. When he finally testified one night, he shared of how he was now totally converted in his heart. He was a very powerful “witch doctor” back home. He said from now on, he would only proclaim the Healing Power of Jesus in Tanzania! Here the mission of the Divine-Potta ministry led by the Vincentian Fathers is not to convert people to be Catholics but a deep conversion of heart for every person to truly believe in Jesus our Saviour.

I have learnt to love more unconditionally; to live accepting differences; and most of all to learn to appreciate the Presence of God in others. Each of us is made in God’s image - "..for in God's image, God made mankind" (Genesis 9:6) - which means even an atheist or the world's worst sinner is made in God’s image! We can agree to disagree but we must not hate others. There is one thing I am so grateful to God for bringing me to serve in Divine, it is about learning from the Vincentian Fathers what it means to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your minds, and with all your strength." (Mark 12:30) They are tireless in their priestly mission despite the thousands of retreatants who come here for weekly retreats – many wanting personal prayers and words of encouragement and guidance. They go on external mission trips all over India and around the world. There is the Divine Television ministry which is a 24-hour commercial free Catholic Gospel channel available all over the world – even as an online channel. The Divine Charitable Trust takes care 3,000 of the most needy on a long term basis. – there seem to be endless ministry demands and challenges! Indeed, the Joy and Peace of Christ “shine” through all the Fathers here. They do not just preach but inspire us through the way they live. I have been humbled and am learning to live with this type of radical faith in Jesus. Often, I struggle when I want projects to move faster or be able to actually get to really speak to the Director re ministry work - but there are only so many hours in a day! Who can I turn to who will help me?

Without fail, it is always JESUS! My ministry is such that I work on my own and not in any particular retreat section team. It is mainly Internet-based. Yes - even the Divine-Potta ministry needs to be engaged in cyberspace as per the call of Bl. Pope John Paul II re the New Evangelization. Millions do not ever step foot into a church or even know a Catholic. We need to proclaim God’s Message through every path God leads us through.  I have learnt to do many new things in Divine through the Internet that I NEVER ever even thought of before! I had to learn how to do so through the Internet. There were no training sessions or any other person to teach me!  Goes to show it is never too late to learn new things and to embrace new frontiers for the proclamation of God’s Word! I spend many hours just speaking to Jesus in my heart and listening to His promptings. I truly love meditating on the Bible daily. And my office is next to the chapel where the Blessed Sacrament is exposed till late at night. Whenever, I need some quiet moments to be inspired, I just dash out of my office to be in the visible Presence of my ever-loving Jesus! I have learnt to totally depend on Jesus – to discern carefully through prayer and spiritual guidance what I am to do for God. I have learnt the virtue of patience. All the major inspirations for my Divine projects have come as I prayed in front of the Blessed Sacrament, during Holy Mass, the Inner Healing sessions and the Adoration sessions. I have learnt to stay connected to God and to be aware consciously that my entire life is totally in Jesus’ Hands. I have to trust Jesus – even when I have personal doubts and fears! I need to wait and pray for Jesus WILL reveal what He wants me to do in His Time. This gets easier with practice!

There have been very difficult times of trials and tribulations yet the hope that Jesus pours into my heart gives me courage to never give up – to have faith in Him. I have been blessed knowing so many other wonderful people – both Catholics and non-Catholics. I have so many loving friends who are ever willing to share their talents and support for the Divine projects I am involved in – we are united in our love for Christ. Though we live in different countries, God’s Love brings us together.  Without a doubt, I know when we step up as committed Catholics, we can make a GREAT difference. We are all called to be missionaries wherever we are. Our Catholic Church is a mission church. We are called to know the Word, Live the Word and Spread the Word!

I am not doing anything remarkable just because I am serving as a fulltime ministry volunteer. I am just answering the Call and Plan God has for me – just as He has a Plan for the life each of you are leading. All of us are blessed because we are chosen as God’s children. We cannot all be doing the same thing to make Jesus known to the world. In fact, the Divine-Potta ministry could not have carried out God’s Call since 1989 if not for all our loving benefactors and friends from India and around the world. I have learnt how much we need each other and why we must appreciate and be thankful to God for the diversity He has created in each of us. It is what makes our life interesting, vibrant and worth living! 

As I celebrate in joy and wonder at God’s Grace for me to continue to serve here in Divine, I pray that He will ensure we are all “rooted and grounded in Christ” (Ephesians 3:17)…and together with each of you, my friends, we will learn the miracle of what our faith can do for Jesus!

At the top of this post is a YouTube music video.”WHAT FAITH CAN DO” by the gospel band Kutless which really describes my life here in Divine! 

Thank you God for Your Amazing Love!

“I am able to do all things through the One who strengthens me.”

(Philippians 4:13)

"...GO INSTEAD WHERE THERE IS NO PATH AND LEAVE A TRAIL." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I keep expecting that in some point of my life that I will reach THE point where I just want a peaceful, comfortable life – no surprises, no big risks but stability and security…just living within a comfort zone with relative happiness.  I remember when I was in my 'twenties’, my older colleagues at work would tell me, I would lose all my “idealistic fervour”, as they termed it, about how  I lived my life and forgetting about big  personal dreams to achieve within the next twenty years. J  I was often told – “The realities of life will drain you, Susan – you will just become like the rest of us.”

Well, I did think my life was moving along a trajectory where at my present age, I would be set for a reasonably comfortable life upon retirement. Obviously I did not take into account God’s Plan! First I made a decision 9 years ago that I never thought I would ever make in my lifetime – to quit my career and choose to serve fulltime in a ministry AND more so in India! I was never known as a devout Catholic (though my parents certainly were!) and I rarely served in any Church ministries except for 3 years in Singapore. Looking back, I cannot believe I actually made the decision – a monumental one that it literally seems like I have led 2 “different“ lives in this lifetime. I would never have had the courage without the Power of God's Spirit guiding me.

All of us struggle to discern correctly what is God’s Plan for our life – "Can we live it?  Is it possible?" All I know is in these 9 years, I have always had doubts – not in serving fulltime – but in whether I was the “right person” and if God would choose someone like me to be in this mission. I seem more suited for the corporate world and I often felt like a “square peg in a round hole" here. The question I asked God in prayer many times was - “God, why me? Did You make a right choice?”  I can only imagine God is used to hearing this question from millions of us – His children here on earth!  A priest once told me having doubts was a good sign because it meant I was truly searching and seeking to serve in a deep, committed way – what was important was my faithfulness to serve with full commitment and that in itself would be very pleasing to God. God will then use me according to His Will.

This Easter and my vacation has been a blessed time of personal revelation for me. I realize that for God there is NO CUT-OFF point when I will no longer be of “effective use” to do His work. For Jesus, all He asks for is my choice - made in my own free will - to live for Him. There is no retirement date in serving God. It is a life-long  mission! That is ALL that Jesus wants from each of us – the willingness to answer His Call to our hearts. We do not need to rationalize or try to find a logical way of how we can fulfill a mission God has chosen us for. It is often said, “God does not call the qualified. He qualifies the called.” We can certainly see that so vividly in the lives of the Apostles and early Christians! I am often strengthened by Our Lord’s Promise – “Do not be afraid – I am with you.” (Isaiah 43:5)

As I look back to my past and even to the future of what I feel called in my heart to do, God’s Plan seems quite impossible. Yet, I have never failed in fulfilling the mission work that I had felt personally called to do – despite the lack of practically every resource needed at the start! All I would do is pray and believe in the “YES” I gave to Jesus’ Call. Once I said “YES”, I never ever doubted or even thought of failure in the mission project. The rest is for God to do through me and all the other hearts He would have to touch and inspire so that together we lived and answered His Call. “This is impossible for man but not for God; everything is possible for God.” (Mark 10:27) – I truly have experienced EVERY single time the fulfillment of this Promise of God when I said YES!

A Psalm I love and often pray is Psalm 121 which starts with “I look to the mountains; where does my help come from? My help will come from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.“ (Psalm 121:1-2)  I know that what God wants of each of us is to answer willingly and courageously the Call He places in our hearts – to dare to say YES! Then we have to believe and trust in His Power in us – “It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me.” (Galatians 2:20)

I have been inspired by Pope Francis’ homilies – and His Call for New Evangelization is very compelling.  Our Holy Father Is definitely challenging all Catholics – yes that is you and me - to stop being part of a “sleeping giant” Catholic Church but to live with evangelistic fervor! I would like to share excerpts of two recent Homilies of our Holy Father on 20 May 2013 and 23 May 2013 respectively.

Homily Excerpt of 20 May 2013

The Bishop of Rome underscored the need for letting one’s self be guided by God. He reflected on St. Peter's vision of “the sheet with all the animals,” when Christ told him to eat non-kosher foods, Christ having made them clean.

Though St. Peter was at first reluctant and did not understand, “some non-Jews came to call him to go into a house, and he saw how the Holy Spirit was there.”

“Peter was guided by Jesus to reach that first evangelization to the Gentiles,” Pope Francis said. “Be guided by Jesus' own leadership,” he urged.

“We cannot become starched Christians, too polite, who speak of theology calmly over tea, we have to become courageous Christians,” he said.

Click on link below for full article:

CNA: Pope Tells People To Shout “Jesus” Not “Francis

Homily Excerpt of 23 May 2013

Pope Francis reflected May 23 on Jesus Christ's exhortation to be “salt of the earth,” warning that Christians who do not live their faith become “flavorless salt” and are fit to be museum pieces.

“We can show the salt: this is my salt – and how lovely it is! This is the salt that I received in Baptism, this is what I received in Confirmation, this is what I received in catechesis,” he said. “But look: museum-piece Christians! A salt without flavor, a salt that does nothing.”

The Pope’s comments came in his homily during morning Mass at the chapel of St. Martha's residence in the Vatican, Vatican Radio reports. The day’s gospel reading, from the Gospel of Mark’s ninth chapter, contains Jesus’ question to his disciples: “if salt becomes insipid, with what will you restore its flavor?”

Click on link below for full article:

CNA: Pope Francis Urges Christians Not To Be Museum Pieces

I was very inspired by a parish mission mass and Eucharistic Adoration for Youths by the Emmanuel Community Fathers and lay members in Germany recently.  It was a beautiful, soul-touching night in God's Presence with a big turnout of Youths! I did not understand German but my soul experienced the tangible Presence of God in the Blessed Sacrament and true joy and peace in the beautiful, melodious  hymns by the German Youth choir.  In my heart on that night (04 May 2013), I was being personally affirmed that NEW EVANGELIZATION initiatives are crucial - it will produce a harvest for God but some of us must be willing to help sow the seeds!

Well, do we want to be known as “Starched Catholics” and “Museum Pieces”? We need to be an integral part of the New Evangelization of our Catholic Church.  I found the YouTube video below, Motivational Quotes – Reach Your Goal, inspiring and along with our prayers and guidance of the Holy Spirit, we can achieve the goals Christ places in our hearts and have joyous lives!  

"PEOPLE WHO HAVE HOPE LIVE DIFFERENTLY" - Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI

There has been much to keep our Catholic faith in the global news since the papal conclave that chose Pope Francis as the Holy Father. Two great virtues were exemplified in the unfolding of the unexpected resignation of Pope Benedict XVI and the selection of Pope Francis.

Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI showed the strength of his faith by listening to what he felt was the Message of God to his heart - and exemplified true humility in being detached from "power" of his papal position to now lead a quiet life of prayer for the needs of the world. It must have taken immense personal courage to take this decision which had not happened in over 6 centuries. For me, as a lay person, it brought home with great clarity the importance of everyone who serves in any capacity in our Lord's ministry to always listen to God's clear prompting in our hearts...and to follow it! We must have the inner personal courage to do what God wants of us not what the world expects of us. 

Pope Francis truly inspired and brought a deep conviction into my heart as I watched on the Internet his first appeareance on the papal balcony in St. Peter's Square. Just seeing the thousands of people there and hearing his first simple words to the world. "Bueno sera" and then asking the people to pray for him touched my heart greatly - as I sat watching in front of my PC in India thousands of miles away! We were all witnessing such genuine humility and by his choice of name - our Holy Father's clear sign of his love for the poor - that the Church's focus is reach out to all those in need to know and experience the Love of God!

With all these amazing going-ons happening in the Vatican, the Season of Lent and Holy Week became a special opportunity for me to pray more intensely to live a Spirit-filled life.  Am I offering the best of my efforts as a lay Catholic in being part of the NEW EVANGELIZATION? This had been the clarion call from Blessed Pope John Paul II to all Catholics and then also the challenge from Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI to all of us when he declared the Year of Faith. And Pope Francis reiterated this call too. 

It is often said that "actions speak louder than words" and Pope Francis has shown us what he wants the Catholic Church to be. It is not to be a church of "rigid heirarchy" and "traditions" - it is a reaching out to the world in simplicity with Christ's Love spontaneously flowing from our hearts! I felt many emotions as a lay Catholic and I also read many online articles of what so-called "experts" were saying Pope Francis should do to make the needed changes for the Catholic Church. Yet, Pope Francis did not bother with what was being said or expected of him. It was very clear seeing/reading of all his heart-touching acts he did from the moment he came onto the balcony the first time just dressed simply in his white papal vestments only! 

All I can share is how moved I am by Pope Francis and what is his vision of the NEW EVANGELIZATION. I feel re-energized by the Holy Spirit to dare to give my all in whatever God is asking of me. Many Catholics like me are feeling inspired with hope for a revitalized Catholic Church! But for that to happen, we cannot just expect Pope Francis and the cardinals, bishops and priests to bring about the change. Every one of us must be willing to dare try new initiatives and efforts in NEW EVANGELIZATION for the Glory of our God!  I realized I did not need to worry or fear about my human limtations but to have faith in this Promise of God's Word -  "because God is always at work in you to make you willing and able to obey his own purpose." ( Philippians 2:13)

We are called to be saints. Well, I used to often think before that saints are some "practically perfect" human beings so there was NO chance for someone like me to even imagine I could ever be a saint! Yet, as I read and learn about saints, I have realized it is their extraordinary love for Jesus and most of all their willingness to do anything for the Love of God - to be His witness and to make Him known to others that is so amazing.

Am I doing that? Well, I may have thought I was doing all I could possibly do in my present circumstances but God has His own plans and I am ready to take the step of faith - to have the courage to dream and dare to answer the Call of God in my heart.

Pentecost is in a few weeks and as I am currently on vacation, it has been a time  of relaxation with much solitude to truly enjoy the beautiful creations of God. There is so much beauty all around the world - yet often I just take it for granted. These past few weeks, I feel like St. Francis of Assisi as I "treasure" seeing all the animals and birds living happily enjoying springtime...indeed, the Presence of God all around me is unmistakable!

The YouTube music video below is a collation of Inspiring Quotes of Holy Men and Women of God set to the music "THE LIGHT IN ME" sung by Brandon Heath.

Are you ready be empowered by God's Spirit to reach out to others in this Year of Faith?

May we be willing instruments to initiate efforts to spread goodwill  to the world!

"What is impossible for men is possible for God."

(Luke18:27)

2013 RETREAT REFLECTION - IF LOVE IS WHO I AM....

Whenever I sing the lyrics of the hymn. "As the deer panteth for the water, so my soul longs after Thee", I am always reminded that my heart is always yearning for more. It has made me often wonder - more of what? This year our annual Divine Volunteers Retreat was held from 14-17 February 2013. The start date brought back many intense memories for me. It was on that day that I attended my very first retreat in Divine Retreat Centre 15 years ago - 14 February 1998. Prior to the start of this retreat, I was asking myself if I was truly answering the call I felt in my heart  after that very first retreat.

Rev. Fr. Rex Pai SJ was our retreat director - an incredibly warm, loving, inspiring priest who was the Superior General of the Jesuits in India. I was still not well and very anxious if I could actually last through the 3 1/2 day retreat. The first  hour of the retreat dispelled all my doubts. Fr. Rex's simplicity and clarity  in sharing the Ignatian spirituality of how we should live our lives was so simple - yet it was deeply profound! It is about our positive attitude to living a Christian life of love. We were made to visualize many different moments in our lives - was Jesus present? Ultimately, I learnt one thing from the very first day of this retreat - How am I living every moment of my life - am I rooted and grounded in God's Love?  I need to be conscious of this every moment of my life.

For those of us in full-time ministry (or me at least!), we can get lulled into feeling we are living for Christ. Well, the more I reflected on my life since that incredible day 15 years ago, I know how much I have had to "unlearn" about the way I used to live.

Jesus is all about LOVE. There are time I hear others emphasizing God is perfect justice when they judge others and show their disapproval. There is one thing that always strikes me - what Fr. Augustine, our Director, often shares during the weekly retreats, "If our God is a God of Justice, then NONE of us will have a chance. God is more than justice. He is Mercy!" The very first time I heard this words, it shook me. For I have judged and condemned people I do not like. Where would that leave me during Judgement Day? It has not  been easy for me - it has taken me these last four years to learn to bless and pray for everyone especially those who seemed like a "thorn" in my life. I needed to see others through the Eyes and Heart of God - of what each of us is to Him - "You are precious to me." (Isaiah 43:4) It was VERY difficult at first for me to pray for God to bless those who had hurt me or were making my life difficult but now I feel more inner peace choosing to learn to live this way.

I am not saying one should not be corrected and that we just leave everything to "soft" love and never speaking up. We must always have courage to speak up for Christ! Indeed, while it has been not easy to hear of my own personal failings, I realize that it is only when I am corrected with love but without condemnation, that I turn more to God. At times, I used to wonder how come it seems that God is always correcting me each year but others I know have not been corrected even once? Well, all my moments of self-pity are of the past! I thank God He loves me enough to send wisdom-filled and loving Catholics to help me strive to be a better Catholic.  Now, I am far from saintly like Mother Mary or St. Paul or all the Apostles nor do I yet have that IMMENSE Love they have for Christ. But  that IS my life' s goal - to share this great Love for Jesus with others!

I often remind myself that EVERY ONE of us is a sinner - and to God 'a sin is a sin'. A sin is a breaking of our personal relationship with God. So none of us have the right to judge and condemn others and make statements that "God will punish you and I do not approve" to others.  Two Word of God reminds me of who I am in front of Jesus:

"Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgement you pronounce, you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you."

(Matthew 7:1-2)

"And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to then,"Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her."

(John 8:7)

No amount of justification on our part ever makes us right to judge and condemn a person in an uncharitable act lacking in love and mercy. We can judge the act but never the person. When I look at my own personal failings, I can only wonder at my Jesus who can still love me and give me the privilege to serve Him. In my many moments of personal reflection, I despair at times that I never seem to achieve the "Christian" ideal of living for Christ. There are days when in my heart  I am crying out in frustration, "Jesus, why did you choose me to serve here out of over 6 billion people in this world? I never asked to do this! Look at me - I have failed as I cannot love like You do!Why me? Could you not just leave me alone?" Of course, very often, it is just silence and later I often imagine Jesus gazing at me thinking - "Why do you not learn, Susan? Look at Me - Susan! I have only ONE thing to say to you - "I love you." In my moments of sadness and my failures and weaknesses, I often experience God's Love for me through others, through homilies or just through emails, articles or even an unexpected phone call! I really felt so in this annual retreat too...that Jesus was reigniting that "special, exciting and burning Love" that inflamed my heart, my mind and my soul for Him 15 years ago in my very first Divine retreat. 

When I watched Pope Francis being introduced to the world on the Internet, in my heart, a burning question I had about the Call I first felt 15 years ago was finally answered. I felt a great peace of what I am to do. It was as if the Holy Spirit  which was upon the new Pope and all the the people in Vatican had also illuminated my heart after years of questions, doubts and searching. My very first impression of Pope Francis was the simplicity, the "lack of airs" and his genuineness that shone through.He just seemed so fatherly and warm - the whole world saw it! Immediately on the Internet, all the reports were commenting about the difference between Pope Benedict XVI and Pope Francis. But that is also wrong! God decides what Shepherd we need to guide our Church in that period of time. While my heart did not react with a "personal" love for Pope Benedict initially like it did for Pope John Paul II and now for Pope Francis, I know how much Pope Benedict's writings, Encyclicals and Papal messages have really enlightened and strengthened my faith. I pray with love for our  Pope Emeritus - he showed great courage and humility in listening to God's Voice in his heart. 

Pope Francis seems the embodiment of what our retreat director Fr. Rex Pai SJ was trying to teach us - having a positive attitude in life that  brings joy. That was the first thought that came in my heart watching Pope Francis. He too is a Jesuit like Fr. Rex and both of them exuded the simplicity, "warm pastoral" love, and clarity of God's teachings in such a personal way - I would personally encourage loved ones to experience the Ignatian Spirituality too. The open way the crowds are reacting to Pope Francis is because of his warm, spontaneous, personal, fatherly love towards them. I look at Pope Francis and he really does not seem like many of the Bishops and senior clergy I have met. They seem so set apart and distant. This is what our Church indeed our world needs! A person who loves. There is no greater message or inspiration that Pope Francis can exemplify to us. We should not expect the Pope to lead our Church to a vibrant, energized approach to New Evangelization while we as individual Catholics remain unchanged.

So my quest this year as I reflect on all that I have learnt in my recent retreat is simple - If love is who I am, is it visible in my daily life? Is my love inclusive, is my ministry empowered with a great renewed passion to make a difference in this world, am I living God's Call in a radical way exploring new opportunities to exemplify His Love? Or am I coasting along in my comfort zone just working among the same group of people  with like-minded values and thinking? 

Well, if love is who I am, unless I am totally rooted and grounded in Christ, I am nothing!

The YouTube music video at the top of this post, "LIVE LIKE THAT" by the Sidewalk Prophets, really spoke to my heart as Holy Week is around the corner. I heard it for the first time tonight. May the hymn speak to your heart too! 

PEOPLE WHO ARE BLESSINGS ARE TO BE SHARED!

Life is never predictable – no matter how many changes one sees in life – be it in family life, work life or in ministry. In fact over the past 4 years, there were so many changes compared to the earlier 4 years In this retreat centre, there were times, I wished things could remain the same. I have never felt that more than in late September 2012, when I heard that the Asst. Director of our retreat centre, Rev. Fr. Michael Payyapilly V.C., was being posted to Sydney, Australia to set up a new retreat centre.

“I was chosen and sent to help the faith of God’s chosen people and to lead them

to the truth taught by our religion…”

(Titus:1:1)

Fr. Michael Payyapilly V.C.

The first question I thought of was, “God, why does it have to be Fr. Michael whom you take from us here?” The second was the joy I felt for the great blessing and opportunity for Fr. Michael to begin the Divine mission in Australia! I remember sitting in my office for a few confused moments – not knowing what to feel. It is never easy to hear someone who is so loved by all of us in this retreat centre to be leaving our Divine Family. Fr. Michael came to Divine in early December 2006 - just before his priestly ordination on 31 December 2006. I was really busy on a book project but I heard snippets of someone with a booming voice preaching so eloquently as I used to be rushing back and forth from the Divine Printers office. It made me really curious as to who was the person behind this inspired preaching? I was completely taken aback to see it was this really young looking slim “kid”. I asked around and was told he was a deacon. Even then, I remember distinctly telling our director, Rev. Fr. Augustine Vallooran V.C, one day very shortly after, “Father, like Simone, I can tell you that I have heard your successor. Please bring this new deacon back to Divine when he is ordained.” Fr. Augustine sat back and laughed heartily! Thankfully, that Is exactly what happened and Fr. Michael joined Divine Retreat Centre in March 2007.  It is the greatest blessing and gift God gave to Divine Retreat Centre in the 8 ½ years I have been here!

 From the very first, all of us were in awe - it seemed like this ridiculously young-looking priest sounded as wise as old Moses probably was! How can it be? That was all we were asking each other. We saw the same stunned reaction from all the retreatants.  I know how many times I felt my heart being pierced by the impassioned preaching of Fr. Michael and being moved to tears so MANY times over the course of these 6 years during Father’s Holy Masses, Physical Healing sessions, Inner Healing sessions and during the year-end Thanksgiving Adoration services. It was never-one off and it was not just me. The retreatants and lay volunteers were always so touched by Fr. Michael’s priestly ministry. What was it though that so touched all of us?

There is only ONE answer. In Fr. Michael, we see clearly a person who LOVES Jesus above everything and everyone else – not a SINGLE person can doubt that!  The passion and the love for Christ can be heard in Fr. Michael’s voice and seen in every moment he carries out his ministry.  Fr. Michael is really loved by all of us – not because he ever went out of his way to be popular. It was quite the opposite in fact.  I do not think Fr. Michael cared even a little if we liked him or not – he was just so focused on proclaiming Jesus and being a holy priest. Fr. Michael is one person who has never sought the limelight. A fact, Father himself admitted during his farewell speech to us.  We never ever saw him onstage during any major Divine celebration events! I used to wonder where Fr. Michael was. Often I would see him for a few minutes at the very back – where we, the volunteers would sit. We never ever saw other priests seated there with us! That really touched the hearts of all of us who serve here. This was true Christ-like humility! He was not in the least interested in recognition and applause. Fr. Michael was only on stage if he was preaching the Word of God. I always remember this words In my heart whenever I see Fr. Michael – “More of you, Lord, and less of me.” That is the MAIN lesson I have learnt from Fr. Michael. He is a beautiful example of servant leadership. A tireless and zealous priest who lives for God! Nothing and no one but Jesus!

Off the stage, Fr. Michael is not seen around much. He is very soft-spoken and seems quite an introvert usually. One thing truly stood out – Fr. Michael is a priest of deep prayers with a tremendous love of the Holy Eucharist and a devotion to Mother Mary. He lives God’s Word. There was never any partiality to a single person. He was fair, firm and loving to all of us. What I admired most personally in Fr. Michael was this – he was very upfront if I needed to be corrected but he never kept it in his heart against me! I appreciated that he would address the issue to me directly and not just keep silent. He always heard me out if I wanted to speak up too. I never ever heard Fr. Michael say, “All the others are saying…" There was never these general statements where I could never even know in what context or why it was said…after all, how can any person respond to that?  There are always two sides to a situation and in Fr. Michael, most of us found a person who did just that! He will always listen to both sides and he would pray and make a decision. It did not matter who were involved. All of us know Fr. Michael is a very fair person – a person of great discernment.  It Is the one comment I heard from nearly all the volunteers who shared with me especially when news of Fr. Michael’s Australia posting was known.  To earn this respect in such a big community here is really an achievement! It is this very quality that makes Fr. Michael so greatly loved by all of us who serve here. He is known as being a very frank, upfront person and yet a very merciful, loving and impartial priest.

Fr. Michael praying over my Mum during Anointing Service in Holy Week 2008

Living in a community, no one can live here without some sparks flying because of problems or misunderstandings. I had my fair share with Fr. Michael too. Neither of us are easy going persons. I think one of the traits we do share is we are quite intense in our personality. Yet what I always remember is the kindness, priestly love and concern that Fr. Michael has always shown me in the time we have known each other. When I heard about the death of my father in 2007, I had known Fr. Michael for only a few months. Yet in a heavy storm, he came to see me as I was packing my bags to catch a flight home. My father had passed away on my birthday and as I sat and just chatted with Fr. Michael about my dad, about an hour before I had to catch my flight, I truly felt the comforting Love of Jesus. I have never forgotten that act of love by Fr. Michael – of reaching out to me in such a personal way. I needed that. He was equally so kind and open-hearted when my mother came to spend two months with me in India a few months later – always warmly speaking to her every day even if she at times asked him the same questions again! She absolutely loves Fr. Michael and I was very grateful that he made her feel so at home in Divine by his thoughtfulness and friendliness.

There have been numerous instances of this deep thoughtfulness of Fr. Michael. He also appreciated each of us and showed it clearly in his quiet and genuine way. Many of us remember the time Fr. Michael called all of us volunteers to the front of the retreat hall on the last day of a Konkani convention a few years ago - towards the end of the Anointing service. He insisted, when those of us who were not from the Konkani section just remained standing at the back because we were not part of the Konkani retreat team, to come forward. And then Fr. Michael asked all the retreatants to raise their hands upon us and he prayed for us. It was such a beautiful prayer that EVERY ONE of us volunteers openly cried – the male and female volunteers! We could not help ourselves. For many of us, it is the first time in our ministry, we were being thanked openly with so much love in prayer. There was a tremendous healing in our hearts that day for many of us volunteers. There are hurts and pain even when serving in ministry. In that ONE loving act of prayer, Fr. Michael showed beyond a doubt his compassion and love for all the Divine volunteers – not just those in his team – but for everyone who serves in this retreat centre.

Fr. Michael Payyapilly V.C. (left) and Fr. Augustine Vallooran  V.C. (right)

Fr. Michael is now blessed with a great mission to be the 1^st Director of Divine Retreat Centre Sydney, Broken Bay Diocese, Australia. As Fr. Augustine shared at the farewell gathering, it is with great joy and pride the Vincentian Congregation of India are sending Fr. Michael to be the pioneer of the Divine-Potta retreat ministry in Australia…in a another Continent!

We will all miss Fr. Michael. I felt really emotional at the farewell get-together a few days ago  (19 February 2013) as we have all lived together as a close-knit Divine Family for 6 years – and a most precious person in our midst is moving on.  Yet as I struggled with tears, I felt the same great joy as when I heard the news the first time - of the great grace, honour and blessing God has bestowed upon Fr. Michael. In his young priesthood, he is to pioneer the Divine-Potta mission by setting up the new retreat centre. Like St. Paul, Fr. Michael Is sent forth to renew, reignite and inflame thousands of hearts with the Power of God’s Spirit in Australia and from around the world! There is no doubt – we cannot wait to see the fruit of Fr. Michael’s Divine mission taking shape in Australia.

One thing we are certain - Fr. Michael will NEVER rest until the WHOLE world knows Jesus! So just as this post is dedicated to Fr. Michael for being such a personal inspiration to us in the Divine Retreat Centre, this song, “UNTIL THE WHOLE WORLD HEARS” by Casting Crowns, is definitely all about the one desire in his life!

I am quite sure Fr. Michael is squirming at what I have written so openly in this blog post but Fr.Michael is a great blessing when he was with us and will now be in Sydney, Australia – a shining light of the Divine-Potta ministry… 

God bless and protect you always, Fr. Michael! Our prayers will always be with you!

“My deep desire and hope is that I shall never fail in my duty, but that at all times, and especially just now, I shall be full of courage, so that with my whole being, I shall bring honour to Christ, whether I live or die.”

(Philippians 2:20)

MAKE IT THY BUSINESS TO KNOW THYSELF...- Miguel de Cervantes

Exactly one week into the New Year and I honestly felt like I wanted to be back in 2012 again. So it has been an unsettling few weeks so far. Yet I felt God truly very close to me these past two days - and I feel His Love leading me to "know myself" so that I can  learn to live for Him. To really know myself, I must start  by first emptying myself. I must have the courage and the will to change myself first. I must be willing to accept It is also not about how others see me because that means I am looking to conform to the standards of the world. That is not too difficult because I can just do what pleases others to fit in. For me to live a life pleasing to God, I need to understand in the innermost part my heart, "How should I live so that others can experience Christ through me - my life and whatever I do? The only way I can fully answer and live God's Call is to "know myself fully" from God's perspective.  I have been praying and trying to learn true humility but as each year goes by, I realize that true humility seems elusive to me. Perhaps it will always be for me in my lifetime - yet I have faith that God will not give up on me.  I will continue to strive so that one day I can truly be able to answer the call God has placed in my heart.  

On Tuesday night (22Jan), during Holy Mass when the priest asked us to "paste" our whole life onto the host of bread each of us were holding and praying  before the Consecration of the Eucharist, I suddenly felt this powerful surge of "knowledge" flow from deep within my heart to my brain and onto the host! I no longer felt lost, confused and afraid. From deep within, I knew Jesus would help me to truly understand myself - to give me the strength to keep trying and to change where I needed to. I had often heard this words echoing in my heart ' "Don't give up, Susan." I know that God's Grace in us can help each of us to achieve amazing things in His Name. I remembered a book I absolutely loved reading and had re-read over and over and over again (before I returned it to the priest I borrowed it from a year later!) - Philp Yancey's book  titled "What's So Amazing About Grace?" There are very few writers who have truly touched my heart as Philip Yancey did writing about God's Grace. It gave me REAL hope because I know I am far from being a saint! I struggle often internally if I am worthy to serve in fulltime ministry - about what exactly is my call? But in this book,  the Word of God "My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak" (1 Corinthians 9:16) seem to be the main Promise of God to all of us! Yancey explores grace through real-life people who exemplified by their actions and their life, the life-transforming power of Grace in our world.

God's Grace is unmerited but if I am willing to open my heart and my life, God will pour His abundant grace into me so that I can be a blessing to others - no matter what trials or circumstances I face in life; no matter the mistakes I make in life over and over again - God will not give up on me or you or anyone else for that matter! The only question is am I willing to be the clay in God's Hands?  Will I have the humility to learn the 'REAL LESSON" of knowing myself as I am in God's eyes? Can I truly reach out to others empowered By God's Grace?

The months and years ahead are not going to be easy  - I need to learn the most difficult lesson in my life - "to know myself". The YouTube music video, "Grace" by Laura Story, which a friend shared in Facebook really captured a true snapshot of my life's journey with God. The lyrics of the song are also given below the video. 

GRACE (By Laura Story)

My heart is so proud. My mind is so unfocused.
I see the things You do through me as great things I have done.

And now You gently break me, then lovingly You take me

And hold me as my Father and mould me as my Maker.

[Chorus:]

I ask You: "How many times will You pick me up, 

When I keep on letting You down?

And each time I will fall short of Your Glory, 

How far will forgiveness abound?"

And You answer: " My child, I love you.

And as long as you're seeking My face, 

You'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace."

At times I may grow weak and feel a bit discouraged, 

Knowing that someone, somewhere could do a better job.

For who am I to serve You? I know I don't deserve You.

And that's the part that burns in my heart and keeps me hanging on.

[Chorus:]

I ask You: "How many times will You pick me up, 

When I keep on letting You down?

And each time I will fall short of Your Glory, 

How far will forgiveness abound?"

And You answer: " My child, I love you.

And as long as you're seeking My face, 

You'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace."

You are so patient with me, Lord.

As I walk with You, I'm learning what Your Grace really means.

The price that I could never pay was paid at Calvary.

So, instead of trying to repay You, I'm learning to simply obey You

By giving up my life to You for all that You've given to me.

[Chorus:]

I ask You: "How many times will You pick me up, 

When I keep on letting You down?

And each time I will fall short of Your Glory, 

How far will forgiveness abound?"

And You answer: " My child, I love you.

And as long as you're seeking My face, 

You'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace."

"Make it thy business to know thyself, which is the most difficult lesson in the world"

Miguel de Cervantes

NEW BEGINNINGS

The years will never take away 

our chance to start anew

It's only the beginning now

So dreams can still come true

-Gertrude B. McClain-

A caterpillar has to go through the pupa stage to become a butterfly - it has to really struggle out of its cocoon to be the beautiful butterfly that brings colour and joy into the world! As a child, I loved seeing the colourful butterflies fluttering from flower to flower in our garden and then seem to dance in the bright sunshine. I would feel such light joy in my heart.  Today, I also realized that is how it is in life. We must remember we can be "butterflies" in different places and try to bring joy to others.

We must know when it is time to move on and make a new beginning because remaining stagnant can be detrimental to our own self-worth and growth. We may think we are contributing in a meaningful way but that may not be so to those in authority or we could be doing something out of a sense of responsibility but forgetting we must truly follow our heart! 

I met a beautiful young woman a couple of days back who had taken 5 months off to travel in India to find herself and what would make her happy in her life. It made me remember the times in my life when I had the great self-confidence to do just that. Perhaps age tends to make us settle for the safe and the tried and to live in our comfort zone and not be quite so daring about taking risks.

Well, even comfort zones can feel like a combat zone suddenly.  Hence, our heart and mind must be prepared when life has to be a new beginning so that we can try anew to be blessings to others. God has said, “I will never leave you; I will never abandon you.” Let us then be bold and say. “The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid.’” (Hebrews 13:5-6)

Writing this post reminds me of a dear friend who for the longest while is trying to discern regarding her career's direction and to answer God's Call in a deeper way. I truly hope 2013 will be for her a new joyous challenge to whatever it may be - and for many of us!

It is hard to go through change. I used to cry before each new posting to a different country  about a month or two  before I had to make the move...well, because there was always so many good friends and beautiful memories in each place I had to leave behind to start anew. Yet, on the day I had to leave, I was always very calm and collected while it was my close friend who would shed a few tears amidst the hugs and kisses. I am not sure why - perhaps because I had already cried all my tears out and usually said my goodbyes to most loved ones at home not at the airport. Most of the countries I moved to were a not a problem to live in. I loved what I did and there were always good friends  to uplift and encourage me. I still keep in touch with these friends who are priceless to me!

Well, God will not make us go through the painful "pupa" stage for nothing. For out of pain, has often come the greatest artistic, creative and human achievements in man's history. It helps each of us to take a look at ourselves - how we really are to others. Then, we have to decide once and for all - are we ready for a fresh new beginning to start from scratch - with no regrets of the past? Are we ready to aim for the stars once again?

The deeply reflective YouTube video above, NEW BEGINNINGS by Gertrude B McClain, adapted from "It Is Time For A Fresh Start" is truly worth spending a few contemplative moments as we start 2013. 

“We know that in all things God works for good with those who love him.”

(Romans 8:28)